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Original poster

Are all guys cheats given the opportunity?! Rant.

134 replies

Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 21:30

I had to go away for a conference last week where various offices from across the country got together for a party. Around 100 people attended with the average ages being around 24-40. Let's say it was 50 men and 50 women.... Most of the men there were married/children/serious relationships. There was lots of drink involved. 2 different men tried it on with me at various stages of the evening. A 40 year old with a wife (one child and his wife is expecting in a few weeks), and 27 year old who I've just Facebook stalked and he's in a 10 year relationship.

I mean this isn't all men. It's not even 10% of the crowd. But for some reason it's really got my back up.... rant over.

experiences anyone?

OP posts:
MaxTalk · 17/06/2023 21:50

Of course they are. Conference away from home, summer, lots of women about, free drink etc.

Why the heck not?

FrankieStar · 17/06/2023 21:50

Unfortunately OP, I do think that an awful lot of men would cheat, if given the chance - yes. And so often, the women think "oh my bloke, he NEVER would. He's one of the good ones, I'm lucky"... Then an affair or one night stand, or sex with a sex worker, or flirtacious messaging or paying for cam girls etc gets discovered.

I've known men like this, most likely we all have although we've perhaps not actually realised it.

I'm not suggesting every man is like this. But in my opinion, it's far more men than what any of us like to think that are like this.

Technology has only encouraged this further, and I think a lot of men kid themselves that if the contact is via these technological platforms it's somehow therefore 'not cheating'.

As a woman, whenever my gut has had that particular feeling, we all know what I'm talking about I'm sure - it's never turned out to be wrong! And it's happened more times than i can remember. I simply don't bother with men anymore!

Yetisrus · 17/06/2023 21:56

Something I learnt from going on my very first conference is that what goes on at conference stays at conference. Nothing ever gets said when you get back.

I'm also going to defend the male species and say women are just as bad at these events.

Ollifer · 17/06/2023 21:57

Unfortunately I think most men would cheat given the opportunity. My experience has shown this to be 100 percent true

larkstar · 17/06/2023 22:00

Not this again...🙄

brunettemic · 17/06/2023 22:03

Not all men, no. Not all women, no. Some men, yes. Some women, yes. The relative split between the two…well that will just vary. The worst one where I work is a woman and she’s the HR lead, which I just find funny.

Original poster
Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 22:04

I think I'm just triggered in all honesty. My husband (who I've been with for 16 years), cheated on me at TWO Christmas parties. I'm not excusing it whatsoever, but he was 21 and 24 at the time. We are in our 30's now and he hasn't been to a work event since and has calmed down. But deep down I do think if he was ever put in that situation, like a lot of the men at the party I was at, he would. It makes me sad.

OP posts:
user1471517095 · 17/06/2023 22:05

Who are these cheating men cheating with? Would that be cheating women?

sureigot20 · 17/06/2023 22:06

Why did you marry him?

Original poster
Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 22:10

True @user1471517095 . And no idea @sureigot20 - I have been with him since a teen, DC's, amazing jobs, he's an amazing dad and shares everything equally (money, cooking, cleaning). Everything if not more. I probably should have walked away at the age of 24 though.

OP posts:
Vretz · 17/06/2023 22:10

In defence of my gender.
No. We don't all cheat. But there are men who do, as there are women who do.
Everyone is capable of it.

Its just whether they choose to do so. And that's down to trust.

FrankieStar · 17/06/2023 22:13

Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 22:04

I think I'm just triggered in all honesty. My husband (who I've been with for 16 years), cheated on me at TWO Christmas parties. I'm not excusing it whatsoever, but he was 21 and 24 at the time. We are in our 30's now and he hasn't been to a work event since and has calmed down. But deep down I do think if he was ever put in that situation, like a lot of the men at the party I was at, he would. It makes me sad.

That is sad and it's no way to live @Buttercups3926 - have you told him how you feel?

Getting fully past cheating behaviour from a partner is really hard.

I'm divorced now, but when I got married, a couple of weeks later, my then husband told me he had asked his father for advice on 'how to stay faithful' 🙄🧐 to this day, I've no idea why he even told me that. Plain weird, and not the happy start to married life I was anticipating!

Rubychews · 17/06/2023 22:18

Some men cheat and some women cheat. There are people in the world that do things we perceive as awful. But just remember it’s not everyone. It’s insulting to stereotype someone because of their genitalia.

Original poster
Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 22:18

@FrankieStar - yes I've told him. He said he would never jeopardise everything we have (we are very fortunate for our age). He doesn't go out but that's only really because his friends have grown up and have had children. He will go occasionally to the pub but that's it.

OP posts:
FrankieStar · 17/06/2023 22:26

Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 22:18

@FrankieStar - yes I've told him. He said he would never jeopardise everything we have (we are very fortunate for our age). He doesn't go out but that's only really because his friends have grown up and have had children. He will go occasionally to the pub but that's it.

Could you try counselling together do you think? Alternatively, if you feel it would help and your husband isn't keen, then perhaps going on your own would be beneficial - it might help you to unpick how you want to proceed, and whether or not you think the trust can regrow.

Tbh, and obviously this is just my opinion, as he has cheated twice, I think he owes you the chance to give therapy a try if that's something you would be open to, especially since he's said he wouldn't risk putting what you have together in jeopardy

taxpayer1 · 17/06/2023 22:26

Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 21:30

I had to go away for a conference last week where various offices from across the country got together for a party. Around 100 people attended with the average ages being around 24-40. Let's say it was 50 men and 50 women.... Most of the men there were married/children/serious relationships. There was lots of drink involved. 2 different men tried it on with me at various stages of the evening. A 40 year old with a wife (one child and his wife is expecting in a few weeks), and 27 year old who I've just Facebook stalked and he's in a 10 year relationship.

I mean this isn't all men. It's not even 10% of the crowd. But for some reason it's really got my back up.... rant over.

experiences anyone?

And these men cheat with .... Yep. women!

Jjjy · 17/06/2023 22:29

I think men are more opportunistic in general and a lot might not go looking for it but would not turn it down if offered.

SoccerStars · 17/06/2023 22:31

Ollifer · 17/06/2023 21:57

Unfortunately I think most men would cheat given the opportunity. My experience has shown this to be 100 percent true

If true this is utterly depressing lol

Original poster
Buttercups3926 · 17/06/2023 22:35

Jjjy · 17/06/2023 22:29

I think men are more opportunistic in general and a lot might not go looking for it but would not turn it down if offered.

Exactly what I found.

OP posts:
SauceForTheGoose · 17/06/2023 22:38

Yes. Given the opportunity they are.

And all those who say "oh no, not my Nigel". I would urge them to add the caveat "that I know of".

I've worked with men in male dominated sectors and they were all appalling, every last one of them.

HappyMe6 · 17/06/2023 22:40

Well obviously it’s not just men is it they are cheating with women,

fairywhale · 17/06/2023 22:43

It's 4% of your sample. Still probably a lot more than women.

dontshootthefruit · 17/06/2023 22:59

I started a thread this week regarding men being degenerate given half a chance. Mixed feelings on there, most agreeing to be fair.

Yes. Most men working away will behave dishonourably given half a chance, or even given no chance.

Not all. But the majority. When it comes to sex, honour goes out of the window.

Mostly.

dontshootthefruit · 17/06/2023 23:01

Vretz · 17/06/2023 22:10

In defence of my gender.
No. We don't all cheat. But there are men who do, as there are women who do.
Everyone is capable of it.

Its just whether they choose to do so. And that's down to trust.

And what do you do. And your friends?

StarDolphins · 17/06/2023 23:01

I believe given the opportunity, most would cheat. Cheating only stops due to lack of opportunities imo