Are all guys cheats given the opportunity?! Rant.

[Buttercups3926]

I had to go away for a conference last week where various offices from across the country got together for a party. Around 100 people attended with the average ages being around 24-40. Let's say it was 50 men and 50 women.... Most of the men there were married/children/serious relationships. There was lots of drink involved. 2 different men tried it on with me at various stages of the evening. A 40 year old with a wife (one child and his wife is expecting in a few weeks), and 27 year old who I've just Facebook stalked and he's in a 10 year relationship.

I mean this isn't all men. It's not even 10% of the crowd. But for some reason it's really got my back up.... rant over.

experiences anyone?

I find this thread quite offensive too, if this was a man saying all women cheat there would be uproar but as it's women saying it about men it's fine. The double standards are shocking.

It’s not about double standards,
men are biologically built in a different way than women and have (in general) a much greater sexual motivation than women. When women cheat it’s often an emotional bond; when men cheat is very often (especially at conferences etc) a purely lust driven activity. Also, paired up women are more likely to be at home looking after the kids with the husbands at conferences. So it’s not double standards
at all.

It's not really the same unless you think 2% of women are shagging multiple cheating men daily!

I think it does depend on industry. Shy geeks/academics vs swarmy salesmen/ bored shift workers (especially those working nights) for example.

Obviously it's 100% the man's fault if he cheats, but women could help themselves by giving the smarmy salesman types a pass when looking for a long term partner...

My ExH many years ago was telling me about his colleague who used to service gas boilers in peoples homes and this colleague was surprised at how many women were coming on to him. I asked my Ex if he would be tempted, and with no hesitation replied “ of course I would, it’s only natural and wouldn’t hurt anyone”
Not the answer I was expecting but at least he was honest. 😩

When I was on a training course when I was 21, 5 married men tried to hit on me in the space of 4 months. I’m not particularly attractive, I’m a rubbish flirt I thought they were friends. We were all away from home sleeping in the same building though.

One got in my bed and refused to move. Luckily I was so drunk I didn’t care (nothing happened we just slept).
Everyone would say he was a stand up guy, family man, 2 girls he adored.

In my experience yes women cheat but the men do it more. And who are those men cheating with? Often younger single women like I was at that time! not married women.

Same, the women didnt cover themselves in glory either. We had one guy who was married and sleeping with 4 girls in the office (and many others out of the office). Non of them were angry at him and hated each other. He could not understand why I wasnt chasing him all over the office too. He made me sick!

People are making out conferences descend in to orgies. I've been to plenty on conferences and never seen this type of behaviour. Of course it happens but I've not seen it on the scale described here.
I've been to lots of drunken work parties. At one 2 colleagues slept together (both married, not to each other!) and I've seen a few drunken snogs.

The women could be single or prostitutes.

Well yes that’s true RedHelenB

I've never seen anything like what is being described here either. Firstly at conferences you are representing the company and secondly you are in work time. Drinking is much more rife than shagging about (on our ones anyway). There' may be a bit of flirting but you get that when you're stone cold sober in the office.

I would take what that friend said with a pinch of salt. IME many blokes would interpret a woman being friendly and smiley out of politeness as "coming on to them" 🙄.

Yup

I sure I remember a line in a film about if you were away from home and the opportunity presented itself with no chance of being caught, would you, with the answer yes, as many have said , not all men cheat, but if the opportunity arises, with just your guilt to contend with, many may be tempted and in all honesty I think the same would apply to many women, you have to live with the consequences of your actions

Pretty much.

Women can knock out one baby a year so biologically they are driven to pick one special bloke who will protect and provide and commit to him exclusively.

Men can knock out 365 babies a year so biologically it makes sense for them to adopt a fire and forget approach and hump anything that moves. (Including piles of leaves!)

We used to solve this in civilised societies by (broadly) making sex something exclusive to marriage so men had little choice but to offer long term commitment if they wanted their oats.

No. In the same way that not all women would cheat given the chance. Sex isn't only pleasurable for men...
it really saddens me that people on MN seem to have such a low opinion of men. That given the chance they'd all be rapists, wife beaters and cheats. But not their precious DS, only all other men.

Yes you’re probably right tbh, boosting their male ego. 🙄

@BodyKeepingScore , I don’t have a low opinion of menI just recognise that sex for them can be an activity not reserved for a loving relationship. In my book infidelity is not actually the worst sin in a relationship: let’s just be honest. it does happen a lot. and half the time the female half of the couple does not hear about it.

he's an amazing dad

Not this again.

Amazing Dads don't distress their kids mother's, treat them poorly, cause them stress, sadness, distress, anger, instability etc.

And risk breaking up their family & home if she reacts as she's justified to act in the face of his infidelity and leaves him.

Cheater, cannot = amazing Dad.

No way, no how..

That's a gigantic simplification of a complex subject.

And one that states a black and white "women - grab man and stay faithful", "man - fk as many women as possible and be unfaithful".

Things are much much more complicated than that.

Some examples -

1. with women only having (if lucky enough to survive them) 10-15 pregnancies; they have actually evolved to cheat to widen/vary the gene pool. This had been found in studies of ape and human anthropology (or whatever the right specialism is).

1. There is a recognised female behaviour re partnering perceived non alpha males (because competition is so high for them) but cheating with perceived alpha males. The non alpha males then provide unknowingly for the alpha males kids. The women gets the "alpha" genes for her kids, and the provision/security she wouldn't get from the alpha.

Women are proven to be attracted to and want to have sex with different men, and different types of men (those perceived as dominant alphas) during ovulation.

Medical staff have been aware, due to blood types, matches etc that a proportion of kids are not fathered by their "fathers" before Dna testing.

1. Sperm competition (they sort of fight each other inside the women's body) and the shape of the penis (rim in top to scoop/pull out ejaculate) is due to women having sex with more than one man around the same time. The size of the penis is also related to this. Penis size is apparently directly related to female fidelity/lack of fidelity in apes, and humans have the largest proportional penis size of ape related species.

I could go on but don't want to write a novel.

Women are not particularly much less inclined to cheat ... But they are more inclined to be discrete about it, because the consequences (physical,, financial, social) and potential loss hage always been much harsher for women.

*because competition is so high for perceived alpha males (and also alpha males are less likely to stick around and be nurturing)

No, just the shitty ones.

I agree. It makes mumsnet a really depressing site to browse through at times.

It can make you feel paranoid without merit.

Also women have also always lacked power - if they had had it, and the consequences of cheating with attractive men they fancied (and no-one gets their appreciation of other attractive members of the sex they fancy switched off just cause they're in a relationship) had not been so dire for them; (look at Anna Karenina, the author was making that point about his society. She became a social leper for example, while her cheating brother (and her partner in infidelity) did not in any way; do you think many women wouldn't have been as unfaithful as men?

I can only speak from my own experience and yes, I do think most men would cheat given the opportunity.

From being a teenager to being almost 40, I have been hit on by men who have girlfriends or wives, and I’m just ordinary - nothing particularly special. I’ve had husbands of my friends try it on, married men over Facebook, even one of my dads married friends 🤢. I see it at work, there are affairs everywhere, and my ex cheated with literally anyone who looked at him.

The only person I could say would never cheat with absolute certainty is my ex husband, either on me or on any future partners. We split because of other issues, but he is absolutely just not built that way - I can’t really explain it.

Monogomy isn’t a natural state, it’s a choice people make. I think men are more self serving than women, and tend to put their own wants first. Not all men obviously, but an awful lot do.