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Original poster

Anyone else just happy being single?

134 replies

MAREMCKENNA · 17/06/2023 19:15

I'm 32.havr a four year old, have been on lots of dates, but in reality I don't think I want a relationship. Whenever I go on a date I dread it and feel like I'm doing it because it's the done thing. When I think about my future, I just don't see myself being with someone else. I'd love to have more children but this might not be a reality for me. I hate the idea of sharing my space, having to sleep in the same bed as someone, not being able to travel on my own with my son as often, having to ask permission before I go away for a few days etc etc. I honestly just really enjoy being on my own.

Does anyone else feel the same way? I've been single for 4 years and it has been the most enjoyable, fulfilling 4 years of my life and I really want it to continue.

OP posts:
Ceriane · 17/06/2023 19:19

I feel exactly like this, the only reason I have felt compelled to date is to stop the pressure/pity I get from people and to fit into a societal norm.

AthenaPopodopolous · 17/06/2023 19:22

Me! Single 5 years now when pregnant with last child. Really happy with my little family. I’ll find a husband when they’re teens or adolescents maybe.

romanticdresses · 17/06/2023 19:22

Yeah. Could not think of anything worse that sharing my space with another individual again. Single 4 years now and it feels amazing.

Original poster
MAREMCKENNA · 17/06/2023 19:24

AthenaPopodopolous · 17/06/2023 19:22

Me! Single 5 years now when pregnant with last child. Really happy with my little family. I’ll find a husband when they’re teens or adolescents maybe.

Do you mind me asking how your pregnancy came about?

I will admit that part of me dating has also been due to my desire to have another child, but I am realising that if I don't want a relationship, this is the wrong thing to do, and it rarely progresses to a second or third date because deep down I know I don't want a relationship.

OP posts:
NooNakedJacuzziness · 17/06/2023 19:25

If my current relationship ended I honestly wouldn't actively go looking for another one. I dream of being able to do whatever whenever and not having to explain myself to anyone. You are wise beyond your years OP.

Gettingbysomehow · 17/06/2023 19:26

Yes me too. After my last divorce I realised I just don't like living with other people. It's great having friends but it's also great just having your own space and safe place.

Original poster
MAREMCKENNA · 17/06/2023 19:30

NooNakedJacuzziness · 17/06/2023 19:25

If my current relationship ended I honestly wouldn't actively go looking for another one. I dream of being able to do whatever whenever and not having to explain myself to anyone. You are wise beyond your years OP.

Haha thanks!

OP posts:
Allmyghosts · 17/06/2023 19:36

Same tbh, I had a "friend" he regarded us as a couple, I did not. He would put his blokey mates before me every time, we just were not a couple, everything was on his terms. He turned up at my house drunk and I just could not be arsed, he flounced off because I wasn't laughing at his absolutely lame jokes. That was that.

I realised that my kids did not like him, my cat was super wary, tbh I didn't like him he was super basic.

I might be lonely some times, but so be it. At least I won't be so annoyed.

anthurium · 17/06/2023 19:51

I'm a solo parent by choice (used a sperm donor to conceive my child) and am mostly content being single, wouldn't want to blend families, finance s, risk my housing. I've been on my lunch time breaks quick dates with no desire to see any of my dates again and certainly not to have to pay for a babysitter! I do miss the physical intimacy but it's not worth it for all the other adjustments I'd have to make for a relationship which may not work out - I'm very time poor too, so it'd be almost impossible as well as other considerations. I'm thinking that only very casual arrangements would be my most obvious choice.

Would you consider the sperm donor route @MAREMCKENNA?

Original poster
MAREMCKENNA · 17/06/2023 19:56

anthurium · 17/06/2023 19:51

I'm a solo parent by choice (used a sperm donor to conceive my child) and am mostly content being single, wouldn't want to blend families, finance s, risk my housing. I've been on my lunch time breaks quick dates with no desire to see any of my dates again and certainly not to have to pay for a babysitter! I do miss the physical intimacy but it's not worth it for all the other adjustments I'd have to make for a relationship which may not work out - I'm very time poor too, so it'd be almost impossible as well as other considerations. I'm thinking that only very casual arrangements would be my most obvious choice.

Would you consider the sperm donor route @MAREMCKENNA?

Thanks for this. I've definitely considered it but worry about the effect on the child.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 17/06/2023 19:59

I'm in my 60s now, been divorced for 15 years, and STILL get idiots saying "we must find you someone" as if that was a nice thing to do! Don't you dare! I'm saving myself for the millionaire of my dreams. Meanwhile I'll have a nice self-indulgent rest of my life, thank you very much.

uhtredsonofuhtred1 · 17/06/2023 20:12

I've been single for 2 years and I've no plans to change that anytime soon. There's a few reasons such as I'm so busy working full time and being a lone parent to 4 kids, 2 of them are still quite young and I'm also too independent. But most of all, I'm happy the way things are. I always think that the perfect man will find me at the perfect time and that time is not yet.

SunnyDaysAndEndlessNights · 17/06/2023 20:19

I'm 54 and been single 10 years, have no desire to date or try to find someone. I have complete freedom and security 're my house and finances. It's all mine and staying that way. After playing role of a daughter, student, employee, girlfriend, wife, mum, etc it's so freeing just to be me, and answer to no one, except my boss maybe !

arethereanyleftatall · 17/06/2023 20:21

Anybody else just happy being single?

Pretty much every woman who's properly tried both options.

Unless they are one of the very lucky women who snagged one of the tiny handful of decent men.

Pretty much the only reason I dated in the past is down to social conditioning, that a woman's success is linked to a man's validation. Once you've worked out that that's bullshit, then it's happy days.

Original poster
MAREMCKENNA · 17/06/2023 20:29

arethereanyleftatall · 17/06/2023 20:21

Anybody else just happy being single?

Pretty much every woman who's properly tried both options.

Unless they are one of the very lucky women who snagged one of the tiny handful of decent men.

Pretty much the only reason I dated in the past is down to social conditioning, that a woman's success is linked to a man's validation. Once you've worked out that that's bullshit, then it's happy days.

This is exactly how I feel. Yes, I miss the intimacy but sex isn't exactly hard to find. I've had lots of that over the last few months!

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 17/06/2023 20:33

After my ex and I separated I dated like crazy. I've spent half (hopefully) of my life being married and I guess I just missed being half of a couple. I gradually realised I haven't got the patience for men anymore. I can't be arsed with sex. I'm reasonably OK financially, I get by. Why do I need/want a man? I've got a child who I love and have all the time in the world to spend with him. I'm reliving my lost childhood through him, doing things my parents couldn't afford etc.
I love the freedom of doing what I want, when I want, even if it's nothing at all! It's a cliche, but I'm really finding myself. No big revelations yet, it's a slow process.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/06/2023 20:34

I've had far more decent sex as a single person than I did in my 20 year marriage.
I find females better company than males and I have plenty of female friends.
I value freedom very highly.
I love having a bed and a house to myself.
Objectively- what's not to like?

arethereanyleftatall · 17/06/2023 20:36

I'm exactly the same @TheSilentSister !

It took me 3 years of dating many different men, after a long marriage, to kind of 'be ready' to be single. Iyswim.

IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings · 17/06/2023 20:48

I wish!
I really do wish I could be hapoy about being single.

I often have wondered if it’s easier to be single, after you’ve expirienced an relationship.
I’ve never dated (I’m ugly) so I still have dreams about how great it would ve to be lived by someone and get to build a life with ’my person’.

I don’t know hiw people get to a place where they are happy being single!
But you are amazing!

Original poster
MAREMCKENNA · 17/06/2023 20:55

IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings · 17/06/2023 20:48

I wish!
I really do wish I could be hapoy about being single.

I often have wondered if it’s easier to be single, after you’ve expirienced an relationship.
I’ve never dated (I’m ugly) so I still have dreams about how great it would ve to be lived by someone and get to build a life with ’my person’.

I don’t know hiw people get to a place where they are happy being single!
But you are amazing!

I think there's a lot of truth in what you've said. I don't know that I would feel the same if I hadn't been in relationships and realised that the compromise is far too much for me.

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 17/06/2023 21:06

I have given up on romance, and accepted single life is a far happier route for myself. I feel so much less stressed and tense when I am single. I have just come to accept it is ok not to have a partner, and I also don't want to settle for anyone just to fit the expectation for women. I can do what I want, and I am sick of fending off cheeky cocklodger types who see me as the bank and a warm home. I am in an incredibly fortunate financial situation, and have lovely kids, lovely pets and a good career. After my marriage broke down, I have dated three men and dumped all three for money-related issues. They all wanted to set up joint business ventures or move in (largely funded by myself), or expected me to pay more than my fair share. One wanted a baby sitter for his child. After the last relationship breakdown, I have concluded that I am so much happier and contented with myself while not dating. I am not looking for more kids at my age, I don't want a live-in partner to share the financial burden, and I don't need a step father for my kids as their biological Dad is very much in their lives. Sex would be nice, but it has proved disappointing in the past and not worth the effort. I love my cats and dogs so much more than any man I have ever been involved with. I think the quality of eligible suitors goes progressively downhill as the decades roll by. As such, I have just come to accept that single life is right for me, and it doesn't make me a leper as lots of people feel the same way. I look at my friends and their relationships. While some have good partners, many are living in misery and would leave if not for financial reasons. I feel very grateful for the freedom that I have in my life.

doubleno · 17/06/2023 21:22

Me!!! Most people don't understand it....but I am genuinely far more content single. The only time it "bothers" me is when I feel judged.. My DC attends a school where everyone is married to very visible hands on husbands. I often get "sympathetic" comments about my singleness which I find quite patronising. Aside from that, I am very happy.

C1N1C · 17/06/2023 21:26

Being single is awesome!

Too bad I'm married...

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 17/06/2023 21:26

Me. The only thing I don't like about being single is people assuming I'm not happy and that they have to find me someone.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/06/2023 21:36

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 17/06/2023 21:26

Me. The only thing I don't like about being single is people assuming I'm not happy and that they have to find me someone.

I've stopped pussy- footing around this when I'm inevitably asked if I have a man yet 'fuck no, I can't think of anything worse.'

Like everyone else has pointed out on this thread, the actual thing of being single is lovely, the worst thing about it is other women, for some utterly bizarre reason, pitying you - so you have to give a vehement ott response.