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Original poster

Found a mobile in DH's desk draw

510 replies

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:25

I was tidying up DH's home office when I found a mysterious mobile in the draw, I feel devastated. I managed to turn it on but it's got a passcode.

After all the times I've read about this on mumsnet I never thought it would happen to me but when I think about it he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc.

DH doesnt know I've found it and he is out at the moment, does anyone have any words of advice or how to go about bringing it up?

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 05/06/2023 18:14

LemonjeIIo · 05/06/2023 17:42

Why would his work use Asda mobile SIMs? I work for a large company and all our SIMs are EE. No one is going to Asda to buy them

He runs his own business.

JenWillsiam · 05/06/2023 18:17

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 17:14

I asked about the phone and he laughed it off so I asked again in a more serious tone and he did get a bit cross with me.

He said it was a work phone for testing client text message reminders and also to be an official work only number which can be used for communication, for any work account sign on’s and when you have to sign up to stuff with a mobile number.

I asked about the text message and he said it would have been a client and most likely a response to the text reminders.

I did also ask why he has been so distant and off recently and he said because of his work load and clients leaving things to the last minute.

He said if I really wanted I could look through the phone but he'd be pretty upset that after all these years I don't trust him.

I didn't look through the phone. Feel pretty dumb but relieved.

“If you really don’t trust me” is the oldest gaslighting line in the book.

Do you know what a loving partner does?

“hold on. Let me get the phone. I see how this looks. Let’s go through it together now”.

Paperlate · 05/06/2023 18:18

Dear god, some of you are so desperate for this to be an affair. Just look at yourselves, you are like bloody vultures. Sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation to me.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 05/06/2023 18:19

Paperlate · 05/06/2023 18:18

Dear god, some of you are so desperate for this to be an affair. Just look at yourselves, you are like bloody vultures. Sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation to me.

Well, it's not.

Mumofnarnia · 05/06/2023 18:19

None of it makes sense whatsoever. Testing client reminders? So surely that would be an automated messaging service and not some female with a WhatsApp account! He’s lying op

BlondeFool · 05/06/2023 18:20

What a load of bollocks. He'll have deleted everything on it now. If he was innocent, he'd have opened it up in front of you.

Frankola · 05/06/2023 18:20

@pinksavannah when you're testing these phones does anyone text back and say 'see you tomorrow at 5.30'? Like Ops husbands phone had?

TheCentreSlide · 05/06/2023 18:21

So who is he meeting tomorrow at 5.30pm?

Megifer · 05/06/2023 18:22

I also got to the "you can look but ill be angry" bit and thought nah not buying it. Even though the testing text reminders sounds very suss (why not just use his normal phone and number, the test will still work).

Keep an eye on things, he will trip himself up sooner or later.

Ariela · 05/06/2023 18:22

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:31

I was putting stuff away not being nosy. I had to charge to turn it on.

The fact you had to charge it to turn it on would say to me it's not been used for a while.
The fact it's in a drawer indicates to me not being used.
Are you sure he hasn't had a mobile phone fairly new break and they just sent a whole new one under waranty but I'd already replaced the phone as it was quicker than waiting? (I have one of those)

OhmygodDont · 05/06/2023 18:26

So I’ve just googled a client text reminder.

You can genuinely buy an app on iPhone for it. It also has a 4.9 rating out of 5. No need to go out buying a fancy new iPhone on Asda sim.

Also a small company owner. My works sun is EE as per the rest of the phone in the house.

Morewineplease10 · 05/06/2023 18:29

Oh, OP. You missed an opportunity there.

And no, I'm not a vulture, nor 'desperate' for this to be an affair, however I've been through this myself - also got gaslit - I really wouldn't believe him if I were you.

Act like you believe him so he's not too on guard.

And get all his pension and business related stuff - my ex moved it all around, was all too late for me...

Don't be me!!

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 18:33

Sorry catching up with the replies, from what I understand they are reminders sent to people, like the doctors do when you've got an appointment.

I'm now doubting everything I think I'll ask him to have a look so we can draw a line under it. Is that a good idea?

OP posts:
Remagirl · 05/06/2023 18:33

He's relying on your lack of tech insight to get away with whatever it is he's doing. Also guilt tripping you if you should look through it. Do yourself a massive favour and get shot x

pinksavannah · 05/06/2023 18:34

Frankola · 05/06/2023 18:20

@pinksavannah when you're testing these phones does anyone text back and say 'see you tomorrow at 5.30'? Like Ops husbands phone had?

He never said it was a client response to a practice text did he? , or did I miss something ?

Didn't he say he would also use it for other general business work?

Also the phones been off for a while 'OP had to charge it to turn it on'
Therefore it could be days/ weeks / months old , as the text notification would only come through once you re charge and turn the phone on

But maybe I'm missing something Grin

knittingaddict · 05/06/2023 18:36

Bluebells1970 · 05/06/2023 17:51

My bullshitometer has just hit the red zone.

Yep.

OhmygodDont · 05/06/2023 18:36

It was a reminder texting service. Which these don’t require whole separate phones. They can be web page or app based services that you pay for.

Also these reminder services don’t allow text back unless it gives an opt out text option. They don’t send though peoples random messages because there is no real person at the end just the service system.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 05/06/2023 18:37

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 18:33

Sorry catching up with the replies, from what I understand they are reminders sent to people, like the doctors do when you've got an appointment.

I'm now doubting everything I think I'll ask him to have a look so we can draw a line under it. Is that a good idea?

I've think you've missed the boat I'm afraid

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/06/2023 18:38

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 18:33

Sorry catching up with the replies, from what I understand they are reminders sent to people, like the doctors do when you've got an appointment.

I'm now doubting everything I think I'll ask him to have a look so we can draw a line under it. Is that a good idea?

There appear to be people here who desperately need this to be an affair, but only you can judge whether he is being truthful or not. I think it’s a really good idea to tell him that this is bothering you, and although you realise it may be upsetting for him, you want to go through the phone. If he tries to put you off again, insist. I 100% agree with posters who are saying that most husbands would hand over the phone and go through it together if there was nothing to hide.

MysteryBelle · 05/06/2023 18:39

Mumofnarnia · 05/06/2023 17:27

Oh right! So he has another phone that he BOUGHT especially for testing work clients. Why didn’t he just do that on his own phone and if he didn’t want to give his number out there are apps that you can sign up to where you can generate a 2nd number and it only costs a few quid! Much cheaper than the cost of an iPhone! And who paid to top up this new sim then? Was it his work? And if so, why have you never seen the phone in his hand? Why has he never mentioned it?

And yeah, if he was telling the truth then he probably wouldn’t be too upset about you questioning this mystery phone that he never bothered to mention or show you… and the woman who messaged you on it!

Biding your time and collating evidence on this one would have probably got you the answers you needed - good or bad. Or at least having a thorough search of the phone, all social media platforms and checking if this person came up on any of them and / or making a fake profile on fb to see if you could find the number on there.

If he is cheating, now that you know about the phone, he is going to be even more clever at covering his tracks. All messages will now be deleted and any future messages will be deleted straight away. Maybe even go as far as to get a cheap a new phone and hide it somewhere else and you’d be non the wiser.

Show quote history

Good questions here.

YoSof · 05/06/2023 18:40

You can ask him, and I would.

Yes he may have deleted everything suspicious, but all those text reminders will be there won’t they….?

onwardsup4 · 05/06/2023 18:40

God some of you lot actually are like vultures , none of you know for a fact so perhaps calm down.
Yes explanation sounds dodgy but the fact the phone was not charged and left lying around doesn't sound like an spare affair phone either. Op you know your husband if you feel satisfied and relived after speaking to him then you're the best person to judge . It's a difficult one as you will have your suspicions aroused now , not necessarily a bad thing though. Good luck hope it all works out for you .

BigFatLiar · 05/06/2023 18:41

Also the phones been off for a while 'OP had to charge it to turn it on'
Therefore it could be days/ weeks / months old , as the text notification would only come through once you re charge and turn the phone on

But maybe I'm missing something

I think what you're missing is she doesn't trust him. Irrespective of what's going on they need to part ways. Once the trust has gone that's it. Even if it's perfectly innocent then the next time something comes up she'll automatically assume an affair.

Time to call it a day.

Shapemyeyebrows · 05/06/2023 18:42

@worried2jsb I agree with PP, you have probably missed the boat by now. If anything was on there I’m pretty sure it’s not now. It’s the fact he used reverse psychology for you to not look at his phone that rings the loudest alarm bells. If I had a 2nd work phone that was purely just for texting appointment reminders then what issue would I have letting the one I loved look through it to put their mind at ease. Yes you should trust your partner but sometimes things like this happen and it shouldn’t be an issue to reassure you.

NettleTea · 05/06/2023 18:43

well, has he had a chance to delete everything.

Although to be fair, if he has then thats going to look really suspicious, because an empty phone??

In the perfect world there is going to be lots of very boring messages to lots of people, checking that the system is working.

If the 'see you tomorrow at 5.30' has gone, then you know he has been in and cleaned it.

once you have the phone, you can go into emails etc to check those too if things look suspicious