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Original poster

Found a mobile in DH's desk draw

510 replies

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:25

I was tidying up DH's home office when I found a mysterious mobile in the draw, I feel devastated. I managed to turn it on but it's got a passcode.

After all the times I've read about this on mumsnet I never thought it would happen to me but when I think about it he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc.

DH doesnt know I've found it and he is out at the moment, does anyone have any words of advice or how to go about bringing it up?

OP posts:
NicLondon1 · 05/06/2023 17:41

A work phone for "testing Client text message reminders"...?!

I have never heard of this.... So it reminds you to send Clients a text message? Or tests that the reminder works? This is clearly nonsense..?!

If "see you at 5:30" is the message, isn't that a bit late in the working day? And which "Client" sent it? Was a reminder being tested?

Please use your brain.... it smells like rubbish

LemonjeIIo · 05/06/2023 17:42

Why would his work use Asda mobile SIMs? I work for a large company and all our SIMs are EE. No one is going to Asda to buy them

OhmygodDont · 05/06/2023 17:42

Like the doctors automated texting system. Only that doesn’t require an actual phone it’s all pc based. Same as parent mail texts ect

MintGreenLife · 05/06/2023 17:42

@StemStem I must have missed the automated messages stuff...

MintGreenLife · 05/06/2023 17:44

@LemonjeIIo OP said he works for himself

Moveoverdarlin · 05/06/2023 17:44

Well I believe him BUT if he’s lying and is seeing someone else he’s rattled now and will be extra secretive.

This Is why you don’t confront them, you should have made a record of the number, kept an eye on his secret phone, followed him tomorrow. Rang the number, popped in to his work announced. If he was cheating, he was never going to blurt it all out on the basis of a random phone.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 05/06/2023 17:50

Hate to say it but you should have sorted stuff out before you asked him. Did warn you, sorry you are having to go through this bull shit he's giving you.

Frankola · 05/06/2023 17:51

@Moveoverdarlin yep. Totally agree. He'll go into stealth mode now and OP will never get even the slightest whiff of what he's up to again. He won't stop though. They never do.

Bluebells1970 · 05/06/2023 17:51

My bullshitometer has just hit the red zone.

mrsbitaly · 05/06/2023 17:52

Can people just stop.

Not everyone is a cheater it's awful people are trying to convince her otherwise when it could genuinely be the reason.

We all know that we can go through stages where partners seem distant, I've been that person when I'm exhausted with work, oh and I have a mobile tucked away uncharged in the cupboard for work that I rarely use.

OP I'm glad you have your answer, hopefully you can work through this bump in the road.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 05/06/2023 17:52

Gaslight 101

Also, I'm assuming it's a new iPhone because as well as being untrustworthy, he's also frugal - it's on contract through the business. It'd bet my left tit.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 05/06/2023 17:53

Some women will make any excuse for poor behaviour.

StemStem · 05/06/2023 17:54

This Is why you don’t confront them, you should have made a record of the number, kept an eye on his secret phone, followed him tomorrow. Rang the number, popped in to his work announced. If he was cheating, he was never going to blurt it all out on the basis of a random phone.

Maybe the OP is a normal person?

HyperionWarbonnet · 05/06/2023 17:55

I can't see a business phone being on an ASDA contract.

midsomermurderess · 05/06/2023 17:59

Moveoverdarlin · 05/06/2023 17:44

Well I believe him BUT if he’s lying and is seeing someone else he’s rattled now and will be extra secretive.

This Is why you don’t confront them, you should have made a record of the number, kept an eye on his secret phone, followed him tomorrow. Rang the number, popped in to his work announced. If he was cheating, he was never going to blurt it all out on the basis of a random phone.

That’s crazy behaviour. If there wasn’t anything up with the marriage, there certainly would be if he found out he was married to a raving loon.

Hawkins0001 · 05/06/2023 18:02

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:25

I was tidying up DH's home office when I found a mysterious mobile in the draw, I feel devastated. I managed to turn it on but it's got a passcode.

After all the times I've read about this on mumsnet I never thought it would happen to me but when I think about it he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc.

DH doesnt know I've found it and he is out at the moment, does anyone have any words of advice or how to go about bringing it up?

Affair common option, but it's also possible it's for eg security services related, etc

Lululoop · 05/06/2023 18:05

Ask him to open the phone to see the messages... watch his reaction... unless he already had chance to clear any evidence

TeenLifeMum · 05/06/2023 18:09

My dh would have instantly given me the code to ensure there was no doubt and I could be reassured. Your dh didn’t do that and made you out to be the crazy one. I wouldn’t be happy but I guess only you know if you are prepared to drop it.

Eternallyoptimistic20 · 05/06/2023 18:09

Unfortunately I think he’s lying . Classic guilt trip reply , you should have played dumb and said you need to put your mind to rest as you’re feeling insecure and then see his reaction. If it was my phone I would want my partner to see it if there was nothing to hide .

Muddlebubble · 05/06/2023 18:11

Im ashamed to admit but i had an affair, and also used the same lines your husband has, i told my dh to look through my phone BUT if he needed to what was the point of being together if he didn't trust me. Disgusting behaviour on my part. So if i were you (if he hasn't had the chance to remove all evidence) take him up on his offer

pinksavannah · 05/06/2023 18:12

HyperionWarbonnet · 05/06/2023 17:55

I can't see a business phone being on an ASDA contract.

Didn't OP say he runs his own business?

And DH never said it was a business contract just that he was using for business

Also using it for testing text messages is completely common and plausible if he works it IT , both me and my DP do and both use 'burner' phones to test new apps / software / messages etc. in fact we have about 5 😅

OP only you know if he telling you the truth or not .... if your happy with what he's telling you then I'd ignore most of these comments ..... unless you want to drive yourself 🤪

purpleboy · 05/06/2023 18:13

If your happy with his response then that's all that matters. Everyone's different and their reactions will all be different too, I would prefer to look through the phone so I know for sure, but it's probably too late now anyway.
I would keep your eyes open though, the relationship is in some kind of trouble if your mind went to affair, and his response, for me is not something I would be ok with.

Denise82 · 05/06/2023 18:14

It was all going well until he said "he would be upset if you looked through the phone as after all these years you dont trust him" that only gives you the choice of not looking and then feeling foolish for doubting him. It may be nothing but if it is he will be more careful going forward. My husband would have opened the phone and showed me messages to and from about clients.
Only you know your husband and if your satisfied with the answer he gave then you accept it and forget it.

Rtc12 · 05/06/2023 18:14

Can I check, did you mean 'testing client text message reminders' or 'texting client text message reminders' ?

As if it's a test then you wouldn't get a reply but if you meant texting client text message reminders then the reply would make sense.

Personally I would ask to see the phone though and the reminder texts he's sent out. Also on his bill it should show lots of random texts out rather than texts to just 1 number, that could be a way of checking too. Hope you're OK

YoSof · 05/06/2023 18:14

Please don’t tell me you bought his story?

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