Views on submissive/dominant relationships?

[Uktousa2022]

Recently met a new partner and having a few cultural differences. He is very much from the understanding that men are the leaders in the relationships and woman should trust and go along with there decisions and they will protect and provide etc. I work full time and have a good job. He has his own business. He is very much used to being the 'boss' of his relationships, and I suppose so am I. He expects to do most things on his own eg buy the house, probably pay most of the bills with me just contributing etc. However in return, I believe he wants someone who will be treated how he wants to be treated, for eg if he wants silence thats what you give him, if he wants food then thats what you make him, not really encouraged or liked when you go out with the girls, clubbing would be a outright no, and would usually get annoyed if you planned to do things without him. The sort of guy on a trip it would be planned and booked by him and you follow round the airport. Nothing wrong with this I suppose, just really struggling to be that 'submissive' female considering my mother was and after the divorce she got left without anything. I feel having your own financial security is important and you can't really rely on anyone for anything.

What are you views on this? I am told I am argumentative if i voice an opinion I have on things, and I "pick arguments" if he comes home in a bad mood and I ask whats wrong etc, or if I want to get up on a Saturday and do stuff and he wants to lay in because he is tired from working. Most of the weekend plans are what he wants to do, but he will go along with things I want to do but usually doesn't say much as he doesn't want to be there.

He also makes a joke but I know he means it that women should 'cut the grass' as men do etc etc, but then it gets confusing because if he wants gender roles, then surely the woman should stick to her 'woman' jobs, likewise why would I be expected to work and contribute at all if he wants to be the main provider and for me to do all the household woman chores (something I am not comfortable with) I once asked if he was earning more than me would he pay more of the mortgage than me, and he asked well would you if you was earning more than me? It is very confusing and I do not know if its cultural differences or different upbringings. I am cautious about being financially dependent on any guy as I have seen this happen to a few women and the men get controlling/low key emotionally abusive.

Good grief you've asked the same questions about this gum on the bottom of a shoe arsehole multiple times and nobody has ever said to stay with him or move in with him.

This is the idiot that lives in the US with a pitbull.

I promise you that this jerk isn't the only or last man on earth.

But you are wasting years of your valuable life letting this waste of space occupy your mind.

Nobody thinks you should be with him at all.
He really doesn't have any special redeeming quality we haven't seen.

The next post most want to see is that you dumped this clown and moved on.

https://www.ofmi.org/gandhis-sexual-abuse-of-grandnieces/

Yeah we should definitely hold his opinions up as validation of following the bible.

Do you put women on pedestals too (and use them to back up your own opinions) or only men?

Bit that's what I asked you when I asked if you meant the old testament, avd you said you meant the old testament as well.

@TheoTheopolis23 The Ghandi quote was mentioned as that is a quote I agree with. I obviously don't agree with any crimes he may have committed but that particular quote I do agree with.

I don't know what you mean about putting women on pedestals.

It's an interesting subject but like you said, it's derailing the thread. Apologies OP.

I obviously don't agree with any crimes he may have committed but that particular quote I do agree with.

But his crimes completely undermine the validity of his opinions on moral matters.

Why dies that need explained to you

And you've only back tracked with that after someone had to tell you that he's as dodgy as fuck. you didn't appear to know anything about him, bit you're quoting him because you like a statement he made and it aligns with your agenda.

You are detailing this thread with your agenda.

And your assertion that if every man followed the bible we'd be in a utopia and presumably op would be absolutely fine in her submissive position is dangerous in terms of us trying to help op leave this abuser.n

Please see above which I was responding to. I did not start the topic.

On a thread in which an OP's partner is clearly abusive and is using the bible as a way to justify and validate his abusive behaviour, it's not really an appropriate time to be commenting that if everyone followed biblical scripture, the world would be better. Surely you can see that @BSB30?

As well as derailing the thread, it undermines the effort people have gone to to hopefully help OP see she's in an abusive relationship and precarious situation.

@monsteramunch Please see my previous post. I did not start the topic, I was replying to another post and the subject ran away with itself which happens sometimes.

There is no valid basis for a submissive dynamic between men and women; and men following the bible wouldn't make it ok.

I'm sorry that you've been brainwashed and are such a traitor your own sex, who have been so harrowingly repressed and abused throughout history..... Bit whom you still want to see in a position of deference & subservience and inferiority. It wouldn't matter if their partners were ideal bible followers ... They still have no right to have authority over another adult!!!!!

We are more than capable of making our own decisions, our own judgements etc. We are no less intelligent, we are no less moral (usually more so)....so why?? Why would we defer.

@TheoTheopolis23 Is that for the OP or me? There was no one quoted.

This X 100.

Thank you for expressing that better than I have to this misguided poster with her own agenda.

Handmaiden.

@TheoTheopolis23 Again, it was you who started extensively quoting from the Bible, which I responded to. Why are you conveniently forgetting that?

Anyway, let's leave it there.

You didn't start the topic, no. But you contributed in a way that did nothing but reaffirm the same concept that OP's horrible boyfriend is using to confuse and abuse her.

I'll leave it there as it's successfully derailed the thread already. I just hoped if I explained why it was damaging you might take it on board and see why people took particular issue to your posts.

@monsteramunch but I explained how the OPs partner wasn't following the Bible. He can say he is all he wants but he isn't. I don't support him.

He is never going to tell you what is wrong, because actually there is nothing wrong….he just enjoys you thinking and feeling that there is!!!

Ever heard the phrase “treat them mean, keep them lean”?

This whole behaviour is designed to keep you on your toes, to destabilise you, keep you wondering and guessing and most importantly to keep you bending over backwards to keep him happy, and not upset or anger him, but he will never be happy, because then you won’t be guessing.

Please understand and realise that he takes great pleasure in your discomfort, your anxiety, your worry, he enjoys seeing just how far he can push, it makes him feel powerful because he can physically see the grip he has on you.

He says the only thing wrong is you asking him what’s wrong! HA what bullshit!!! Honestly stop asking him what’s wrong, stop behaving like anything is wrong and go about your day being happy and cheerful and I bet you it’s only a matter of time before he crumbles and rages at you! It will be all because you didn’t ask him what’s wrong, he will say you don’t care about him because you haven’t noticed how stressed/anxious/upset/insert whatever reason, how dare you be so callous and uncaring to not notice. The more you go about your day being carefree and happy and unaffected by his moods the more he will meltdown because he doesn’t want you to be happy, you are not allowed to be happy, and you are definitely absolutely not allowed to be happier than him!!! Nothing in your life can ever be bigger or more important than him EVER!! He wants you lonely and miserable and totally and utterly dependent on him, and it will be up to him and only him whether you get to laugh, smile or cry that day, and every day!

I’m right…trust me! 💐

Treat them mean keep them keen

sorry 🙈

I just saw the 'lean' part 😂😂. That was brilliant.

Lol I was like that’s new, I do need to lose some weight actually so thought maybe it’s a new saying haha. Made me chuckle.

thanks lily for your comments they are so insightful I might send you a messege if that’s ok.

The latest is I asked him if men and woman are equal and he said no because they didn’t build the infrastructure of the world back in the day lol. But I said what about in a relationship and he said in the most part yes so I said would you hear me out before making a decision he said yes but ultimately he’s going to do what he thinks is best.

But if he was, you would agree with his belief that he should be in authority in their partnership and that she should have no equal say in decision making .... Because he has a dick and balls.

Op has every right to self determination, autonomy, decision making and input in her life & relationship, as a person, as a human. Those are her human rights. Her genitals don't change that. Nothing changes that. Not following her partner the bible, not her partner being a "proper" Christian, nor anything else.

Get out of here with your agenda.

because they didn’t build the infrastructure of the world back in the day

Not familiar with Victorian factory workers then.

What a fkg idiot he is.

but ultimately he’s going to do what he thinks is best.

That would be problematic even if he had displayed excellent judgement to date; but he hasn't.

He uses drugs.
He's kept a dangerous dog.
He keeps the dog in inadequate, pretty much cruel conditions.
He claims he sees no problem in having the dog around a baby or child. He's an apparent expert in dog psychology and knows it will be ok because it'll be around the baby from it being a newborn. On that basis alone he is A FUCKING IDIOT.
He is irresponsible.
Are posters correct in saying he has previously been physically violent towards you?
His mother has commented on his behaviour while "angry".
He has a history of failed relationships with women who had issues, not him.
I could go on.

He is ignorant, prejudiced, sounds like he's latched onto some mra, red pill, misogynist shite.... And is displaying red flags right, left and centre.

You have seen and heard more than enough. Please make arrangements to leave and not continue this I'll advised trial by further. I can't keep saying the same thing over and over. Best of luck.

He is literally telling you he is abusive and you are trying to justify it is fine. People don’t normally get this warning.
literally everyone is telling you to run away. If you don’t realise that likely means they are right then I am sorry for you in future because you are about to get totally fucked over. And he told
you he would do it and you still walked in
He sounds truly repulsive

OP what do you get out of this relationship?

because they didn’t build the infrastructure of the world back in the day

I've heard similar from Mras.

They didn't serve in the military is another one ..... The fact that they wouldn't have been admitted into the military .. were banned from it u til modern times apparently escapes them.

The fact that they worked like slaves in the factories and on the land during eg WW2 and were instrumental in the war effort .... Only to be told to get back in the kitchen and give the jobs back to men (oh and banned from playing football on FA grounds after being allowed to play on them to entertain people when there were no male teams).

But none of that happened in mra red pill world. Just like no woman ever put earning or supporting a man ever happens now, not so women ever bring any assets into a marriage in mra world I just happen to know several who did, bit they must be the only women in the UK or a figment of my imagination.

He's dumb. He's prejudiced, he's convinced he's entitled to authority and power, yet he's not; just because of his genitals. And his background of judgement and decision making is POOR.