Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating - is this ok? Feel awful!!

143 replies

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 18:49

I had the most wonderful lunch date with a guy I’ve had some coffees with.. he was charming, he cooked, but then he didn’t have time for coffee because he had to go help his grandad…

so I went for a run and saw him arm and arm with his next date. I was like “oh hi, your grandads looking well!” and kept running, but I feel sick.

is this what online dating is? I feel totally like I’ve been punched in the stomach. We aren’t together so it shouldn’t matter…

OP posts:
BCBird · 28/05/2023 18:51

I would have been.surprised but would not let it bother me too much. Inhave had two relationships via OLD and when I feel.ready will try again. Let it go.

Coffeeandcards · 28/05/2023 18:53

He sounds like an idiot.
You on the other hand sound completely brilliant 😁

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 18:54

It was the grandad lie I think that hit me, he could’ve said he was meeting a friend.

like “my grandad would tell me to stay with you and what am I doing to go help him instead of be with a you but he is my world and he needs me” sort of adorable ness and it was just he had to leave for the next woman. He was also an hour late arriving so I’m wondering how many he has had today. 😣

OP posts:
27penny · 28/05/2023 18:55

Your comment is gold 🤣🤣🤣 keep running

Doggymummar · 28/05/2023 18:58

I used to line em up too. But I did tell them they had 45 mins. Fibbing is not goo
d

ThirstyThursday · 28/05/2023 18:58

@Newtothisanddonunderstand

Good comment!

I think I'd have had to add 'thank you for lunch! I hope the 'afters' didn't make you too late!!

I think I'd rather die single than do online dating these days!

Beamur · 28/05/2023 18:59

He's a dick.
You're a queen 😉

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:00

Yes this is my first try and he seemed so
so so nice, like so sweet and charming and respectful. And didn’t fancy himself like all the others seem to. I was getting so excited about seeing him again. Wondering when he’d next be “online” on WhatsApp, but of course he was busy!!! Fuck im such an idiot!

OP posts:
Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:01

ThirstyThursday · 28/05/2023 18:58

@Newtothisanddonunderstand

Good comment!

I think I'd have had to add 'thank you for lunch! I hope the 'afters' didn't make you too late!!

I think I'd rather die single than do online dating these days!

Thank fuck I didn’t offer any “afters” I’d have felt crap about it if I had because I like a bit of emotion and clearly there wasn’t any on his part!

OP posts:
Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:03

She was fucking gorgeous as well, and as i was running admiring this beautiful woman’s dress and i thought “that looks like a familiar bald patch” and it was his bloody bald patch!

He really knows how to pull the moves!

OP posts:
nevynevster · 28/05/2023 19:06

online dating is miserable. I also made the mistake of "investing" in people on the first date and learnt the hard way.
Basically don't invest more than a quick coffee and see if they are horrible or not and whether you'd meet them again. Don't sleep with them on the first date and don't assume that because you've had amazing date that they'll be equally interested and don't assume they won't ghost you.
There are good people out there, I met my bf through an app, but it's a numbers game and everyone is playing the numbers. So you have to have a very thick skin and just do not invest emotional energy unless you've been on a couple of dates! Sorry but it's just how it is!

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:08

This was date number… 6 I think! Not even a kiss yes but I was considering it for the next one! And we talk(ed!) every day. Initiated by him.

It isn’t for me. I’m obviously too old fashioned and will
die alone!

OP posts:
yousexybugger · 28/05/2023 19:12

You sound ace! Don't take it personally.

Lots of people who are experienced in OLD know not to get invested too soon so keep dating until exclusivity is established with a particular person. Not everyone thinks this way and plenty prefer to only meet one person at once. No reflection on you either way, just different approaches.

Ive been known to have more than one date in a day and obv not mentioned it, but he shouldn't be telling elaborate porkies though to make himself look better. That would be the kicker for me. 'I've arranged to meet a friend' is sufficient and honest. He's shot himself in the foot with 2 potential partners now, the dipstick! If you're local then he should have known it was within the bounds of possibility that he might be seen.

excelledyourself · 28/05/2023 19:13

I skimmed your OP, and when I read it back the second time and understood, I let out a proper belly laugh.

Sorry you found out he's a bullshitter, but you handled it like an absolute pro.

romdowa · 28/05/2023 19:16

You're amazing and I'm glad you said something. Dating is just so hard these days . Big hugs

guineacup · 28/05/2023 19:16

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:08

This was date number… 6 I think! Not even a kiss yes but I was considering it for the next one! And we talk(ed!) every day. Initiated by him.

It isn’t for me. I’m obviously too old fashioned and will
die alone!

6 dates with no kiss! A genuinely interested man will rarely wait so long, and will generally have expected sex by that point, even the decent ones!

I think multiple dating is fine, if that's what it is... going on dates. Once you start walking round arm in arm you're past the initial "getting to know you" early dates.

Grumpigal · 28/05/2023 19:18

Sorry OP but this is classic!

What a great line you pulled, most people would have just carried on running just too mortified to say anything.

I agree, it’s the over egging of the grandad tale. Clearly if you’re just dating he can do as he wishes, but I would also feel ugh about the fact he’s doing back to back dates.

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:38

6 dates and no kiss I know! But we’ve been to his gym, lunch in a cooking school, coffees, surf lesson. He held my hand… urgh I feel like a schoolgirl

OP posts:
Shapemyeyebrows · 28/05/2023 19:43

@Newtothisanddonunderstand was this today you saw him with another woman? I think how you handled it when you saw him was excellent.

Livelifelaughter · 28/05/2023 19:55

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:38

6 dates and no kiss I know! But we’ve been to his gym, lunch in a cooking school, coffees, surf lesson. He held my hand… urgh I feel like a schoolgirl

Sorry, 6 dates...I would have expected a kiss by now.

Lemonyfuckit · 28/05/2023 20:02

Sorry he was full of BS OP - I think online dating is very much a numbers game and the key is not to get too invested for a while. I met my lovely DH on tinder so there are good ones out there for sure (I did however date a LOT of twats before meeting him, who fed me all sorts of lines like that and I never had the presence of mind to come out with your great one liner!).

Chin up and onwards and upwards as one of my best friends used to say to me.

TorviShieldMaiden · 28/05/2023 20:05

I’ve been on two dates in one day. It I didn’t lie about excuses.

Loukitty · 28/05/2023 20:07

Nothing against the op as that was a good comeback! But really as women we can't complain really.. there was a similar thread on here the other day where it was seen as totally fine to be dating one guy whilst having others lined up even 2 on the same day and it was all oh its totally fine this is modern dating etc .. so i think we have to suck it up when it happens to us... if the consensus is to multi date early on. Personally i think its a bad idea but i was shot down and apparently out of touch by other mn posters so we kind of reap what we sow.

LBFseBrom · 28/05/2023 20:08

Maybe it was his granddad who is a transwoman.

From what I read of online dating I am eternally glad it wasn't around when I was younger.

pimplebum · 28/05/2023 20:10

I also would see one after the other so nothing wrong there at all

but not tell graded lie