Page 4 | Online dating - is this ok? Feel awful!!

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 2023-05-28T17:49:27+00:00

I had the most wonderful lunch date with a guy I’ve had some coffees with.. he was charming, he cooked, but then he didn’t have time for coffee because he had to go help his grandad… so I went for a run and saw him arm and arm with his next date. I was like “oh hi, your grandads looking well!” and kept running, but I feel sick. is this what online dating is? I feel totally like I’ve been punched in the stomach. We aren’t together so it shouldn’t matter…

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 29/05/2023 01:12

Personally, I'd have been more likely to dump him because he was an hour late, but that's a huge bugbear for me.

Personally, given that you haven't even kissed yet, it's probably a bit much to assume you're exclusive, but the lie about his Grandad to make him look better wouldn't go over well with me.

Original poster

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 29/05/2023 07:11

It wasn’t the second date I had a problem with (unless, it actually was his wife or gf, I hadn’t thought of that. He sort of tried to talk to me at the time though, in front of her, and I think if it was a wife he wouldn’t have…?)

It was the way it made me feel that I have a problem with. Urgh, I don’t think OLD is for me. I want to lock eyes across a crowded room… 😂😂😂

He is still texting, very sweetly 😫He says it was their first meeting and he had arranged it with her on Saturday because he didn’t think I was interested in him, and when I got in touch later on Saturday he was over the moon and booked the cooking school because he really wanted to see me but he didn’t cancel her because he didn’t think I was interested in him (probably because I hadn’t kissed him!!!)

I’m now second guessing myself… but I’d never trust him. Maybe just one more date to get that kiss!!!?

OP posts:

Hellohah · 29/05/2023 07:18

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 29/05/2023 07:11

It wasn’t the second date I had a problem with (unless, it actually was his wife or gf, I hadn’t thought of that. He sort of tried to talk to me at the time though, in front of her, and I think if it was a wife he wouldn’t have…?)

It was the way it made me feel that I have a problem with. Urgh, I don’t think OLD is for me. I want to lock eyes across a crowded room… 😂😂😂

He is still texting, very sweetly 😫He says it was their first meeting and he had arranged it with her on Saturday because he didn’t think I was interested in him, and when I got in touch later on Saturday he was over the moon and booked the cooking school because he really wanted to see me but he didn’t cancel her because he didn’t think I was interested in him (probably because I hadn’t kissed him!!!)

I’m now second guessing myself… but I’d never trust him. Maybe just one more date to get that kiss!!!?

No, no, no and no.

He was really sweet in his lie, the one you know about, wasn't he?

I'd just end the conversation, tell him goodbye and move on.

BreeTown · 29/05/2023 07:36

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 29/05/2023 07:11

It wasn’t the second date I had a problem with (unless, it actually was his wife or gf, I hadn’t thought of that. He sort of tried to talk to me at the time though, in front of her, and I think if it was a wife he wouldn’t have…?)

It was the way it made me feel that I have a problem with. Urgh, I don’t think OLD is for me. I want to lock eyes across a crowded room… 😂😂😂

He is still texting, very sweetly 😫He says it was their first meeting and he had arranged it with her on Saturday because he didn’t think I was interested in him, and when I got in touch later on Saturday he was over the moon and booked the cooking school because he really wanted to see me but he didn’t cancel her because he didn’t think I was interested in him (probably because I hadn’t kissed him!!!)

I’m now second guessing myself… but I’d never trust him. Maybe just one more date to get that kiss!!!?

I am conflicted. The grandad lie could have been a blip and he is now being honest or these are more lies and he is doing some damage control.

Ultimately, he is chatting and dating other people, potentially kissing them or even shagging them. If you are ok with that as it's early days and the exclusivity chat hasn't happened, I guess you could forgive and take a gamble. I would be worried, though, that he has a tendency to lie instead of owning up to things. If he is now aware that you are really interested, will he continue chatting and dating others or focus on you?

Proceed with caution.

LemonjeIIo · 29/05/2023 08:28

I wish you could get one of those balloons like in a gender reveal, where you pop it over your dates head and it reveals whether they are a twat or not. I'd make a fortune

FernGully43 · 29/05/2023 08:31

What a fantastic comment 😄
Although I'm sorry, he sounds like a dick. You're definitely not an idiot...don't put this on you. It's all him clearly not being transparent enough and thinking he can string along multiple women at once 🙄

Mumofnarnia · 29/05/2023 08:34

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 29/05/2023 07:11

It wasn’t the second date I had a problem with (unless, it actually was his wife or gf, I hadn’t thought of that. He sort of tried to talk to me at the time though, in front of her, and I think if it was a wife he wouldn’t have…?)

It was the way it made me feel that I have a problem with. Urgh, I don’t think OLD is for me. I want to lock eyes across a crowded room… 😂😂😂

He is still texting, very sweetly 😫He says it was their first meeting and he had arranged it with her on Saturday because he didn’t think I was interested in him, and when I got in touch later on Saturday he was over the moon and booked the cooking school because he really wanted to see me but he didn’t cancel her because he didn’t think I was interested in him (probably because I hadn’t kissed him!!!)

I’m now second guessing myself… but I’d never trust him. Maybe just one more date to get that kiss!!!?

No do not second guess yourself! This is a text book lie! He thought you wasn’t interested after the first 5 dates?? I could understand after 1 date… but 5?? I’d think if you’d managed to get to date 5 then you’d be interested! And then went on a 6th date!
To say he was ‘over the moon’ you contacted him about a 6th date, he seemed extremely keen to end the date quickly and scurry off to her!! He could have cancelled the date with her before your 6th date went ahead but he didn’t! He wanted to date her as well! She will most likely have asked who you are and he will have told her the same old crappy story, that he thought she wasn’t interested in him so was dating you! Lol.

As other pp’s have said, you’ve never kissed him but the other date was arm and arm with him and looked very cosy to say it was a ‘first date’! Nah, he’s been dating her longer than you! He’s a liar! The only reason he’s still messaging you is because he’s losing one of his ego strokes!

You are just an option for him!

HeavenonEarth · 29/05/2023 08:35

Why the arm in arm if they’d never met before? Why is he booking cooking school when he’s got another date later? I bet he couldn’t wait to get finished and on to his next date. Nope I wouldn’t give him another chance.

EekGoesTheBaby · 29/05/2023 08:35

He lied. Throw him back.

Isn't it interesting that the panic lie he told just happened to be one that made him look like a big sweetheart? I'd be surprised if that's the first time he's used that excuse. And now he's practicing his after-I-got-caught-in-a-lie lies to see what works for the next person. Who knows how much of his real personality he actually showed you. You've already seen how convincing he was about the grandfather lie.

I LOVE THE LINE YOU SAID TO HIM--EPIC!

OriginalFloorboards · 29/05/2023 08:37

I don’t know anything about online dating but I do know you sound fantastic.

Also, impressed at the quip whilst running. The only time I run is after my horses when they decide they don’t want to come in and I feel like I’m dying, I’m beetroot red and swearing.

You sound super cool.

Shapemyeyebrows · 29/05/2023 08:40

@Newtothisanddonunderstand Unless he has tried to kiss you and you backed away that doesn’t really hold up. I don’t believe that was their first date walking arm in arm when you were 6 dates in and hadn’t even kissed. It sounds like you want to see him again regardless but he’s already turned him being with someone else on you rather than own it. Before you see him again I think you need him to be clear on what his intentions are going forward with regards to dating others.

EekGoesTheBaby · 29/05/2023 08:40

LemonjeIIo · 29/05/2023 08:28

I wish you could get one of those balloons like in a gender reveal, where you pop it over your dates head and it reveals whether they are a twat or not. I'd make a fortune

Love this! 🤣🤣🤣 But one flaw in your business plan...how could you keep up with the demand for twat balloons?

Potatopancake · 29/05/2023 08:45

OP don't give up! I'm old fashioned like you and met my DH online!

Potatopancake · 29/05/2023 08:46

Potatopancake · 29/05/2023 08:45

OP don't give up! I'm old fashioned like you and met my DH online!

Just to clarify, I meant don't give up on the idea of online dating, not this guy!

Daylightrob · 29/05/2023 08:48

You must be mad to even consider giving this man another go. He is a chancer

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 29/05/2023 08:48

EekGoesTheBaby · 29/05/2023 08:35

He lied. Throw him back.

Isn't it interesting that the panic lie he told just happened to be one that made him look like a big sweetheart? I'd be surprised if that's the first time he's used that excuse. And now he's practicing his after-I-got-caught-in-a-lie lies to see what works for the next person. Who knows how much of his real personality he actually showed you. You've already seen how convincing he was about the grandfather lie.

I LOVE THE LINE YOU SAID TO HIM--EPIC!

I agree with all of this. He sounds like he's seeing how far he can push your boundaries, and exactly how much bullshit you're prepared to tolerate and make excuses for, early on.

Like a velociraptor, testing the fence for weaknesses.

KatyKopykat · 29/05/2023 08:53

Loukitty · 28/05/2023 20:07

Nothing against the op as that was a good comeback! But really as women we can't complain really.. there was a similar thread on here the other day where it was seen as totally fine to be dating one guy whilst having others lined up even 2 on the same day and it was all oh its totally fine this is modern dating etc .. so i think we have to suck it up when it happens to us... if the consensus is to multi date early on. Personally i think its a bad idea but i was shot down and apparently out of touch by other mn posters so we kind of reap what we sow.

I'm sure it's fine to date others. What's not fine is to tell a pack of lies, especially designed to make himself look like a caring guy taking care of his non existent grandad.

Mumofnarnia · 29/05/2023 08:53

Also op, look at it like this. The fact he rushed off to go on his next date tells me he’d rather spend time with her than you, otherwise he would have used the grandad excuse on her instead so that he could spend more time with you. But he didn’t, you got a rushed date and the ‘grandad’ excuse and she got the cosy arm in arm treatment. That should tell you all you need to know.

onlyamam · 29/05/2023 09:00

That's really shit, but I would give it another go. Everyone I know met their long term partners OLD, most are married, lots have kids etc. Not all the men on there are twats like this one.

WimpoleHat · 29/05/2023 09:08

Move on. You’ve said yourself you couldn’t trust him now. Plus - you’ve got a fantastic story to tell and a great way to bring up the subject of exclusivity or not with the next man that you meet and you like…..!

ShandaLear · 29/05/2023 09:12

In OLD you cast your net wide and you cast it out quickly. He shouldn’t have lied but at this stage you should both be seeing lots of other people so I don’t think him seeing other person is wrong. TBF, he’s done well to hang in for 6 dates with no kiss. I would assume I’d been friend zoned by that stage. You have no reason to assume you’re exclusive until you’ve had ‘the chat’.

acpk55 · 29/05/2023 09:25

FernGully43 · 29/05/2023 08:31

What a fantastic comment 😄
Although I'm sorry, he sounds like a dick. You're definitely not an idiot...don't put this on you. It's all him clearly not being transparent enough and thinking he can string along multiple women at once 🙄

The advice always given on this forum is to multidate, there has been no chat about being exclusive and she has not even initiated a kiss after 6 dates, so no it’s not all on him really now is it ? , the OP could have initiated a kiss or a conversation

the lie about the grandad the is obviously wrong but it would double standards of the highest order to say that it’s fine for women to multidate but not men.

viques · 29/05/2023 09:36

HeavenonEarth · 28/05/2023 21:25

If he was arm in arm with her but you haven’t even kissed after 6 dates, he has probably been seeing her a lot longer than you.

Just checking the online dating cheats list…………

Yes, I thought so , a walk along the beach - country park for inland daters - arm in arm is a Date 10 option . In colder months Date 10 can be a trip to a cinema to see a serious film, ( ie not starring Tom Cruise or produced by Marvel) but not sharing popcorn. That is Date 15, movie night at home.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 29/05/2023 09:41

OMG I don’t believe him, first date with her my arse. Didn’t want to let her down my arse.

if he was that into you, and been a spineless bastard, he could have texted her and told her he has Covid and would be in touch and then never got in touch.

he is deffo a player, and one with a bald patch at that.

InSpainTheRain · 29/05/2023 09:42

To me it's not so much he gave you an excuse to meet another date - it's that the excuse made him sound like a gem and a keeper. If he said he needed to get shopping then fair enough but to drag his grandad in (does he even exist) would defo finish it for me.