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Original poster

Online dating - is this ok? Feel awful!!

143 replies

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 18:49

I had the most wonderful lunch date with a guy I’ve had some coffees with.. he was charming, he cooked, but then he didn’t have time for coffee because he had to go help his grandad…

so I went for a run and saw him arm and arm with his next date. I was like “oh hi, your grandads looking well!” and kept running, but I feel sick.

is this what online dating is? I feel totally like I’ve been punched in the stomach. We aren’t together so it shouldn’t matter…

OP posts:
pimplebum · 28/05/2023 20:11

Hang in a sec wad this a first date and you were in his house !!

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:25

Shapemyeyebrows · 28/05/2023 19:43

@Newtothisanddonunderstand was this today you saw him with another woman? I think how you handled it when you saw him was excellent.

Yes today! We went to a cooking school sort of thing and he made me the most amazing lunch and it was lovely and then he said he had to go help his grandad, I went home and back out for a run at around 7… bam!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/05/2023 20:27

Ooft.

Good on you.

If he had said he had plans or was busy that day so had to dash then that would have been fine. But a grandad lie...what an arsehole. You've dodged a bullet.

viques · 28/05/2023 20:28

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 19:38

6 dates and no kiss I know! But we’ve been to his gym, lunch in a cooking school, coffees, surf lesson. He held my hand… urgh I feel like a schoolgirl

I wonder if he follows the same protocol with all his dates! It must get confusing . I bet he has a spreadsheet.

Shapemyeyebrows · 28/05/2023 20:34

@Newtothisanddonunderstand Wow, it’s a good thing you went for that run and saw him. Who knows how long he would have been multi dating for and feeding you “grandad” type excuses. I think playing the doting grandson card to you when really he’s doing back to back dates when he’s 6 dates in with you shows you who this guy really is. I take it you haven’t heard from him since seeing him? I wonder if he will tell you he was with his sister 😅

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:38

He has texted to apologise for the lie, he said he panicked and he doesn’t know why he said grandad, and once he’d said it he got caught up in it and couldn’t stop wittering on. He wants to meet me again tomorrow.

argh. I really liked him. I’m 50/50 whether I want to tell him to fuck off or give him another chance, but lies early on are a bit
red flaggy..

OP posts:
Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:39

He said he’s already arranged it with her when I got in touch and he felt
bad cancelling her…

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 28/05/2023 20:43

6 dates with no kiss and he probably thought you weren’t interested and was maybe multiple dating too.

The guy before the guy I’m seeing now, held hands with me and would’ve kissed me on date one. He didn’t get a date two.

Man I’m seeing now on second date we properly kissed first was just a kiss on the cheek.

I did know someone who had a 3 date rule to decide if they were suited or not which at first I thought was silly but now the more I think about it it makes sense.

guineacup · 28/05/2023 20:45

Loukitty · 28/05/2023 20:07

Nothing against the op as that was a good comeback! But really as women we can't complain really.. there was a similar thread on here the other day where it was seen as totally fine to be dating one guy whilst having others lined up even 2 on the same day and it was all oh its totally fine this is modern dating etc .. so i think we have to suck it up when it happens to us... if the consensus is to multi date early on. Personally i think its a bad idea but i was shot down and apparently out of touch by other mn posters so we kind of reap what we sow.

Going on multiple dates is fine but by the time you're on date 3, you should really know if you want to date that person exclusively... if you're still keeping your options open at date 6, then you're chronically indecisive or you're not really into them.

RenoDakota · 28/05/2023 20:45

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:39

He said he’s already arranged it with her when I got in touch and he felt
bad cancelling her…

But they were arm in arm. Sounds a bit cosy.
(I love your grandad line too - think we all aspire to being that quick witted!)

HeavenonEarth · 28/05/2023 20:45

No don’t see him again! He’s taking the mick.

He was cutting it fine anyway wasn’t he, arranging a date cooking for you and then having to rush off. He must have been panicking when he came up with his stupid story.

I think it was disrespectful to you to lie. Like you said, even if he said he was meeting a friend it wouldn’t be so bad.

I wouldn’t give him another chance. Even if someone is still ‘dating’ around I would feel humiliated.

Glad you caught him out anyway.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 28/05/2023 20:47

Nope, no way. If he really wanted to cancel but walking hand in hand with her? No.

Also it seems probable you would bump into each other by location so if he really wanted to be considerate, still had to have the date then all he had to say to this date was let’s go elsewhere. But he either expected or didn’t expect to bump into you and now he’s backtracking with a lie too. Tosser.

Shapemyeyebrows · 28/05/2023 20:48

@Newtothisanddonunderstand It’s up to you but I wouldnt see him again. I think keeping your options open in the first few dates is one thing, but 6 dates in, and he literally left you to go meet another woman. So he was happy to not continue your date but didn’t want to let this other woman down? Not only that but they were arm in arm so clearly not a first date. And he’s intentionally lied to you, he could have just said he was meeting a friend. I wouldn’t tell him to fuck off or anything but I would be saying thanks but no thanks.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 28/05/2023 20:50

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:38

He has texted to apologise for the lie, he said he panicked and he doesn’t know why he said grandad, and once he’d said it he got caught up in it and couldn’t stop wittering on. He wants to meet me again tomorrow.

argh. I really liked him. I’m 50/50 whether I want to tell him to fuck off or give him another chance, but lies early on are a bit
red flaggy..

They’re not a bit red flaggy, lies this early on are very red flaggy.

BeverlyHa · 28/05/2023 20:50

no, he is probably using it for meeting easy women, i met my husband after posting on the website i am only looking for a man who wants to get married and have children, everyone who i shared with what i posted laughed at me and one week later i met the most amazing man and 1 year later i married him and two years later the child came - voila.

CandyLips · 28/05/2023 20:53

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:39

He said he’s already arranged it with her when I got in touch and he felt
bad cancelling her…

He had already arranged it 6 dates ago?

Mumofnarnia · 28/05/2023 20:54

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:38

He has texted to apologise for the lie, he said he panicked and he doesn’t know why he said grandad, and once he’d said it he got caught up in it and couldn’t stop wittering on. He wants to meet me again tomorrow.

argh. I really liked him. I’m 50/50 whether I want to tell him to fuck off or give him another chance, but lies early on are a bit
red flaggy..

I would tell him to fuck off tbh. He has proved to be a liar already and with someone like that, I doubt I could trust him as far as I could thrown him now. You will most likely be me up getting hurt somewhere later down the line. Maybe a bit of honesty from him would have been much better. Something along the lines of ‘ I’m really enjoying our dates and your company but I am still dating other women’ would have been much better than the grandad lie. At least you would have known where you stood. But no, he has to put on this false mask and make it appear like he’s really into you. He probably acts the same with his next date too!

Men come up with the most ridiculous excuses and I imagine that ‘I’d already arranged to see her before you got in contact with me’ excuse would be one of the highest on the list of text book excuses ever!

I would imagine at 6 dates in, if he really liked you then you should both be thinking about taking the next steps forward, not him prancing about with another date on his arm as soon as you’d left. It sounds like he has plenty of ‘options’ and you are just one of them! He’s only sorry because he got caught out in a lie.

BCBird · 28/05/2023 20:58

Thought it was ur first date. U jogged on. There will be someone else

Farmageddon · 28/05/2023 20:58

After 6 dates and constantly talking everyday surely you know if you want to take things further - he was obviously keeping his options OP, sorry.

I wouldn't bother seeing him again.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 28/05/2023 20:59

Yes, did he arrange it 6 dates ago?

What a creep.

Original poster
Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 21:04

You’re all right, thank you so much!

I never asked outright, but the texting every day did give me the impression there was something there.. now I’ll never know if it was just copying and pasting!

I don’t know the etiquette yet really, but I don’t like how this has made me feel, and as I’ll never be able to trust him, it isn’t worth going deeper. Shame as I really did want it to lead to sex 🤣

we live in a city so I don’t think he expected to bump into me, it’s just there’s a nice romantic beachfront walk and it is my running route because it’s nice, but also where you’d take a date…

OP posts:
honeybunsleo · 28/05/2023 21:05

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 28/05/2023 20:39

He said he’s already arranged it with her when I got in touch and he felt
bad cancelling her…

He felt so bad he was walking with his arm around her :) come onnnnn

Also if he found it so easy to lie to you, why couldn't he lie to her? He's a player

Zanatdy · 28/05/2023 21:07

This is what I don’t like about OLD and what puts me off signing up. In the real world if I met someone and went on a couple of dates with them I wouldn’t be also dating others and taking my pick. I don’t like it

knobheeeeed · 28/05/2023 21:08

I was like “oh hi, your grandads looking well!” and kept running, but I feel sick

Did you actually say that to him as you ran past or just think it?
You could message and say him "Saw you with your grandad the other day. My goodness he's aged well" or similar and then block.

Iamacatslave · 28/05/2023 21:08

Just keep running.