Online dating - is this ok? Feel awful!!

[Newtothisanddonunderstand]

I had the most wonderful lunch date with a guy I’ve had some coffees with.. he was charming, he cooked, but then he didn’t have time for coffee because he had to go help his grandad…

so I went for a run and saw him arm and arm with his next date. I was like “oh hi, your grandads looking well!” and kept running, but I feel sick.

is this what online dating is? I feel totally like I’ve been punched in the stomach. We aren’t together so it shouldn’t matter…

Was it definitely a date? No chance it's a sister or niece etc?

Love your comment to him 🤣

Sorry just seen he text to apologise!

I might give him another chance given he’s not exactly cheated on you, but yeah the lying isn’t great. He could have just blocked you. Least he apologised and it is plausible he’s had the date arranged a while. Sure everyone will tell you to bin him though and maybe you should

I said it! I saw them from a distance and had time to think it up! I was quite pleased with it! Said a breezy “hi!” to the woman and kept running until I got round the corner and then buckled over for a little private cry

I understand panic lying, I do it too.

But it was the horrible gut punch feeling, so early on. I thought I was going to throw up. I was running so happily thinking about what a sweetheart he was with his cooking and his grandad so it really was a shock.

He found it easier to lie to you and have a shorter date with you (after 6 dates in and texting you daily) than he did cancelling a date with this woman. You don’t know how far into dating he is with this other woman (and others!) so I think you would be setting yourself up for a fall if you agree to see him again.

I know he's not actually done anything wrong but it would put me off, after 6 dates, you would think he liked you enough not to want to multi date, and the fact that he still wants to keep his options open would give me the ick, I suppose at least you haven't kissed him or more, it could of felt worse.

Dating can be crap!
There are a lot of liars out there but there are decent men, you just have to find them!

I’m really surprised that he had another date though as most men would have arranged them on different nights so they have more chance of having sex with either or both.

I’m wondering if it’s his gf/wife.

FWIW if I start dating then I’m not exclusive until it gets more serious and so he’s not done anything wrong apart from lie about his grandad.

If he was arm in arm with her but you haven’t even kissed after 6 dates, he has probably been seeing her a lot longer than you.

Nope. Liars gonna lie. You have to be brutal with Internet dating. No second chance. Plenty more fish in the sea. Block him and get back out there.

@Beamur has it spot on. His loss; your lucky escape…..

Nah, it’s not normal 6 dates in to still be dating others. Surely you both know if it’s something worth pursuing by now?

Your follow up texts make it sounds like he wants a faux girlfriend type deal. Something to fill a void in his life.

Your comment was genius OP! I was once casually dating a guy (assuming we weren't seeing other people) and had stayed at his. The next night I went out with my friends unexpectedly, hadn't told him as it was last minute, and he walked in to the bar holding hands and giggling with a girl.

I told him, in ear shot of her, that at least his bed would be warm for her, given that I'd only just got out of it.

Into the bin with this one, and get back out there. I won't lie, there's a lot of pond scum around so keep your wits about you, but there's also some diamonds. I met my DH online and he's the best

Bye, delete and block!

@guineacup that's the thing though, there was a poster on the other thread that had gone on 6 dates with a guy and was STILL multi dating and that was apparently fine and par for the course with OLD 🙄 cos 'everyone does it' which is why i got totally disillusioned with OLD if both women and blokes are playing these stupid games and its normalised or even encouraged.

And then we get peed off when blokes are doing the same as we're doing? I just find it depressing. If im investing valuable time into chatting and meeting a bloke i dont want to be one of 4 options whilst he plays musical chairs, and i wouldnt do that to someone either. But apparently I'm not with the times!

"Easy women"?
Wow.

Love how quick-witted you were 🥲 well done 👏🏼

Apparently we are suppose to have the exclusive chat now if you met online dating. Supposedly you date assuming you are each seeing other people until you have the chat. Timeframe for chat is 3 months. Well this was from a star I dated and assumed daily texts netting 2/3 times a week and sleeping together meant we were exclusive - not do to him as he was still dating.

I met DP OLD and within 4 dates we basically said we had deleted profiles and not seeing anyone else. Over a year later now east done

Ah, didn't realise it was as much as 6 dates in.

While he's apologised, this would have taken the shine off things for me. As well as the lying, you've spent quite a bit of time together, all the different activities and daily sweet talk from him over text. Then there's walking arm in arm with Nice Dress Lady which suggests they might be quite close by now too rather than on a first date.

The thing is, theres no etiquette exactly on how long it's ok to multi date for, but if you're looking for a relationship rather than casual dates then you're better off waiting for someone who grabs an opportunity with you and feels lucky, rather than keeping his options open for quite a while.

I learnt not to give second chances OLD. I'm sure we all tell a white lie from time to time, but I'd find it just messy and hurtful from someone who had seemed keen on me for.

I also don't understand his excuse. All that's saying is 'I'm happy to see both, so I don't have a strong preference either way'. You deserve someone whose strong preference is YOU.

Never ever wait an hour for a guy who is late!! He should value your time and make the effort to be punctual.

6 dates. Block him. He's a liar and a player.

OLD can be brutal.

That's a good point, it could well have been his girlfriend or wife rather than a random date.
I think you've had a lucky escape OP.

It's not just that he lied- it's that it was a particularly emotive lie, about "helping his grandad who is his world and needs him", rather than just saying he was meeting a friend, or had to go into work or something more mundane.

It's a lie designed to make him look like a caring, self-sacrificing, good guy, and when someone does that they're usually anything but.

The minute he mentioned he had to go help his grandad I’d have known he wasn’t that interested. Men always use some excuse that makes it sound like they’re actually wonderful and caring …sick dog/ grandma/ grandpa.
I used to line up first dates just to save on getting ready etc. I’d meet one at say 7 and the next at 9. Dating, especially online dating is just a numbers game.

Class!
My hero!