I'm broke, my partner is not

[Duvetday19]

Bit of a rant really and appreciate I might get some negative replies!
DP has booked and paid for holiday for myself and DC, I offered money but this was declined as we are both aware my SMP can't afford it. Very very grateful for this and looking forward to it. Fast forward to holiday shopping time and myself and DC basically need a new wardrobe so start panicking, DP says not to worry I will sort it. I warned him I need so much and again not a problem. He did take us shopping and I picked up a couple of bits for myself and DC, he pays (grateful). When home I explain that I do need more as a dress and shorts and a tee won't do it and so will DC and say I will just do Primark for the rest and he goes on to say he's just spent XYZ so I agree I can get the rest. I was lucky to have some savings but honestly after the holiday shop I am almost broke and have gone very quiet on DP. Not really blaming him I'm more annoyed that I've left myself with hardly anything and starting to panic. I won't miss any of my bills or anything but I have never left myself with this amount at the end of the month. This week its been up to me to get suncreams, extra milk for DC, raincoats, clothes, along with household items and work clothes as I'm returning after holidays (almost 1000 in two weeks) have to add DC has been sick and needed extra meds and some nice foods so she would eat and creche registration plus everyday clothes because she had a growth spurt and I don't know if I'm being spoilt as he has paid for the whole holiday and will obviously have to fork out majority of spending money or if I should say look, our DC has more in savings than I do right now and I can't afford it.

Or, just suck it up, accept the loss and just accept I'll build it back up hopefully by Christmas.. I would never ask him for the money back or anything just to recognise I can't actually put my hand in my pocket so much for a little while. I am not one to pick money fights but this has killed me.

Do you live together? Are they his DC? How are expenses normally split?

If this is his child this seems a very strange set up and I am confused

We live together and DC is ours. When SMP started, he took on mortgage and some more of food shopping amount but we split car, I do household bills, council tax, gas/electric, water, Internet, I also get milk and nappies. Not a massive change since SMP.

You are a family. You should be sharing and pooling your resources together. This is a very strange set up.

Not just easier to have all the money in one pot and each take out equal spending money?

Is DC his? Why aren’t you combining finances if you’re in SMP? Are you planning to get married?

Sorry OP I suggest you search the countless threads on this board where women are unmarried and don’t combine finances then have children and give up work. It usually ends badly. Then I suggest if your DP won’t combine finances that you get back to work as soon as possible and consider if you want to stay in a relationship with a man who makes you ask for money when you have given up work to bring up his child.

Weird set up. Every penny goes on our joint account and it's just family money 100%. Absolutely no 'mine' and 'yours'.

I have been in a similar situation before but when I laid out how much it impacts me financially for us to ‘go halves’ the DH was supportive. You may need to spell it out to him as he likely thinks he’s being fair by letting you buy some things.

As a percentage of your income it sounds like the holiday shop is way bigger for you than him. Think of expenses in terms of percentage of net income rather than going halves on everything. Just a suggestion.

😳😳😳😳 Nope this is all wrong. You should put all your income into one pot and include a family allowance and transfer an equal and same set amount of spending money to each of your accounts for yourselves. Or something like that. You should both have the same spending money and the same access to your whole income.

You (singular) have taken a wage cut to look after your (plural) child. He should be paying for more during this time because it’s a joint responsibility raising kids. You should end up at the end of the month with the same amount of money as him however this looks.
why do women do this?!

Assuming the child is also your partners, why are you paying for everything for him/her?

Weird set up. We pool our money together into a joint account, we don't have "his or hers" money. It's just odd.

You need to completely rework how finances work in your relationship OP, now you have a child together. This isn’t right.

We need more detail OP. Are they your DC or shared? I assume the baby is shared. How long have you been together? You shouldn’t be left short on mat leave while your partner has all the cash.

Wow. Op, this is financial abuse.

You have one pot for the family and spend it as required.

Show him this thread.

To OP's Partner- wise up you miserable and controlling bastard

He’s financially abusive

“This week its been up to me to get suncreams, extra milk for DC, raincoats, clothes, along with household items and work clothes as I'm returning after holidays (almost 1000 in two weeks) have to add DC has been sick and needed extra meds and some nice foods so she would eat and creche registration plus everyday clothes because she had a growth spurt”

These are joint expenses, they need to come from a joint account!

He took you shopping, why didn't you just go to Primark then? Why do you need a full wardrobe anyway?

He's not a mind reader OP. Why are you waiting for him to offer? Communicate lass if you want split finances.

I get split finances, me and the husband have split finances, but we've also got gobs in our heads if the other needs a boost.

Maybe you need a conversation about money and how it's divvyed up. Stop the going quiet and communicate your needs.

Why do you need a whole new holiday wardrobe? Do you not have holiday clothes from before the children? Do the children not just wear their summer clothes on holiday?

I am confused.

Well funny story is last year when I was heavily pregnant, my MIL was going on a last minute holiday and had no clothes so I took my summer clothes from the loft and said more than once, I am not throwing these away and you can Borrow these and, I never got them back! I literally gave her everything and she has since gave alot of them away. DC is 9-12 months actually in 12+ in some clothes so was due clothes regardless as she wasn't here last year.. plus children grow!

OP this man isn't your partner. You do need a full and frank conversation and things need to change.

If you can't have that conversation or he won't change, then you need to think about leaving him.

I'm sorry

I’m assuming the holiday clothes are summer clothes. I’ve just had to buy my children a whole new wardrobe of clothes that they will take with us on holiday next week. These will then be their ‘summer clothes’. They have grown out of last year’s summer clothes.

Please tell me you have been shopping with a man and an infant? They both wanted out as quickly as we got there and I can't deal with DP yawning as he gets bored.

Understanding what your saying however I'm not someone who can talk about money easily from upbringing I assume.. Easier said than done as I said, he's just paid for a holiday how do I not sound ungrateful?

You can explain that whilst it’s nice he’s paid for the holiday that you don’t feel like an equal person in the family / relationship and going forwards you want to change how your finances are set up and see what he says. If he says no and gets defensive then you have a huge problem.

Joint account needed pronto and share resources