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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who are the TWO women i saw him with?

171 replies

Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 10:28

Good grief.

My friend lives about 50 miles away and has been married for years.

Her husband often spends weekday nights in the town where I live due to long hours. They otherwise seem happy.

Last night I saw him at 8pm with two women walking in a park. He knows I saw him.

These women aren't relations. One was 30 years younger than him. One maybe 15 years younger than him.

The body language was odd...they all looked very bored and were sort of circling around each other. No touching. They would walk along then stop and sort of circle each other then walk again. I know how odd this sounds!

I don't know whether to casually mention this to my friend and am struggling to think what was going on?

The husband stared at me. Didn't say hello or wave.

Obviously he is allowed to have friends and go for walks in the park with them. Their friends are quite wealthy generally (kids all in private school) whereas these women looked quite scruffy and skimpily dressed.

It just felt very surprising.

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 26/05/2023 15:22

You absolutely did the right thing OP. It’s up to your friend now to figure it out or decide if it was all a misunderstanding.

MooMooSharoo · 26/05/2023 15:31

Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 10:46

Well @pennycoin I feel ridiculous saying this but yes....they didn't seem to be acting at all normally as the three of them. The women had quite skimpy cheap clothing on (not indecent).....there seemed to be some sort of negotiation going on. And the way he stared at me when he saw me but didn't acknowledge me. But surely men don't go to a local park and pick up two sex workers? Surely they'd arrange things on the phone or Internet????

Not necessarily. There's a road in my town which is infamous for having women standing waiting for business. Dressing like they're out for a night out and hovering.

My DH, bless him, saw one of them when we were on our way home from a night out and commented that she "must be freezing standing in that outfit waiting for a taxi"! His face when I told him what she was really doing was an absolute picture! Wish I'd had a camera!

It does sound rather dodgy OP, I have to say. Can you phone up your friend for a catchup and just say "Did your DH say I saw him the other day?". He may have concocted a story in advance in case you mentioned it to her. If she says no, you could, if you feel comfortable doing so, mention that he was with two women and it looked a bit odd.

MooMooSharoo · 26/05/2023 15:35

Sorry @Meltedcheeses - I clearly hadn't RTFT. Ignore the final para of my previous post as things have obviously moved on!

Time4achange2 · 26/05/2023 15:39

Respect OP for caring and doing the right thing by your friend.

HIS strange behaviour has put you in this situation, remember this.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 26/05/2023 15:52

Have you tried Googling [Town name] dogging? Or swinging? There’s a park near where my friend lives where it’s common…

FictionalCharacter · 26/05/2023 15:55

vitahelp · 26/05/2023 13:14

  • He blanked you
  • He lied about seeing you with 2 women
  • He wasn't in running gear but claims he had just been running
  • He was looking for headphones yet is unlikely to own any
  • He recruited 2 strangers to help him look for something as trivial as headphones

It isn't you who should be feeling guilty or awkward here.

Exactly. And he stared at the OP without saying anything.

Everyone who’s saying “you saw him talking to 2 people, pfft, so what” - can people really not see the difference between seeing someone talking to 2 people in a normal way, and seeing someone behaving a bit weirdly who then lied about what he was doing?

Justalittlebitduckling · 26/05/2023 16:45

Definitely no identical twin?

Susieb2023 · 26/05/2023 17:12

what a horrible situation to find yourself in. You’ve done the right thing. His wife is lucky she has such a good friend! The fact she herself is questioning means something was off for her and that’s no way to live. Hope she gets to the bottom of all this.

Heyaa · 26/05/2023 17:18

You should’ve taken a video

Throwncrumbs · 26/05/2023 17:27

I would message back and say that you were with his cleaner and her daughter !

Sunflowers80 · 26/05/2023 17:35

Imsorrysorry · 26/05/2023 10:49

I’m thinking he’s met two women in a bar and they were drunk or in drugs and he was leading them to his flat for sex but because they were drunk they kept stopping. I hope not mind you. One for your friends sake and two because if the women were drunk and he was leading them to his flat……that is very dodgy in terms of consent.

This is very likely

Mari9999 · 26/05/2023 19:50

OP, you in the first posting , you described them as all looking bored. In the second or so response you described him as looking jaunty and cocky. Those are all very different looks.

You described them going in circles. They could have been looking for something. They could have been propositioning him.

Other than seeing 3 people going around in a circle one of whom looked bored, jaunty, and cocky all at the same time, you really had and still don't have any real or certain knowledge of what might have been transpiring.

I could easily imagine a man who works away from home often not wanting to tell his wife that he had been propositioned. What good would come from that other than possibly causing her anxiety as he travels?

What you know with certainty is that you have created anxiety for your friend and possible friction in her home based upon something about which you know very little .

I think that my true friends are those who know when to be there for me and when to not intrude. I would never tell someone that I liked or cared about something about which I know almost nothing and something that had so many different possible explanations. Real friends do not do or say things that are anxiety provoking without being absolutely certain of what they are saying or implying..

Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 20:50

@Mari9999 sounds like you're super comfy with your life. Go live it.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 26/05/2023 21:12

@Meltedcheeses
I would imagine that your friend might have been super or at least reasonably happy with her life prior to your revelation. Maybe she won't be living the same comfy life as she was living yesterday.

My grandmother would often say that "not every thing that pops into your head needs to come out of your mouth. If you can't be certain than you should be cautious about what you choose to say."

Gothambutnotahamster · 26/05/2023 22:13

@Mari9999 what do you think the Op has done wrong? She told her friend that she'd seen her husband out walking - if the husband is up to no good, that's on him, not the Op. Her conscience is completely clear.

Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 22:17

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Edenrose206 · 26/05/2023 22:21

Hi OP, ignore @Mari9999. She sounds rather pleased with herself for never meddling without absolute certainty! You did right by your friend. You weren't meddling. My 'D'H had a two-year affair with a neighbour's wife and I can't even count the number of people (LOTS) who saw them out together (while I was home pregnant with no.2 and looking after no.1). She was his 'friend' with her own husband and kids...nothing worth mentioning! Heck, she even convinced me that she was my friend while banging my husband at her house in the afternoons! And laughing with her actual friends behind my back. So you were a true friend, not a fake one, and not malicious or meddling in any way. I wish to God someone had said, "Hey, Edenrose, I saw your DH out at the pub with Malificient, did you know they were there? They looked...like they were having a good time. He saw me, but just stared at me..." Would have saved me years of confusion and pain.

Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 22:24

Thanks. I'm feeling beyond shit right now. Xx

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 26/05/2023 22:28

Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 11:00

Lol. These are great theories. Actually the geocaching theory fits perfectly.

He also loves quizzes and loves giving tours so he may simply have offered to give a tour and quiz to two tourists who very much found this boring.

That would be entirely in character.

That is so unlikely, though!

Mari9999 · 26/05/2023 22:34

@Gothambutnotahamster
I have no stake in this situation other than stating my thoughts in response to the information put forward.
When I read the the original post, my first thought was the old saying that" the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

It just seems to me that it is so much easier not to speak when you are not certain than it is to fix a situation that is damaged or broken because of imprudent messaging.
If there were only one answer or one right response to the question, it is unlikely that the OP would have felt the need to solicit input.

Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 22:39

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Original poster
Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 22:40

I have an update but I'm upset its not good. I want that weird fake poster to go away.

OP posts:
Edenrose206 · 26/05/2023 22:44

Edenrose here. I'm real! I hope you're okay, @Meltedcheeses. Sometimes life is full of gritty, hard stuff. Even when you're just minding your own business.🌷

Cactuslove · 26/05/2023 22:50

Meltedcheeses · 26/05/2023 22:40

I have an update but I'm upset its not good. I want that weird fake poster to go away.

I'm here too and I'm a real life person. Whatever has happened you bear no responsibility. You told your friend factually what you saw. If your friends 'd'h was doing something wrong, that's on him. And even if it's hard now.... its better your friend knows the truth.

Gothambutnotahamster · 26/05/2023 22:52

I agree @Cactuslove (& I'm a real person too Op)