Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

CAUGHT ON FABSWINGERS

137 replies

Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 20:37

Hi, I’m a single woman on fabswingers. I haven’t met anyone yet but I’m considering.
Striking up conversation with a headless guy lol with a great body, we really got on and he was lovely to talk to.

He eventually sent some explicit photos and I wasn’t mad. But after chatting all day we agreed to exchange face pics. I couldn’t meet someone I didn’t fancy and so I asked him first.

So imagine my utter shock when the pic came through and I know the guy. I know his wife enough to have coffee with occasionally. The guy told me he’d met quite a few people on fab so far already. I’m ignoring his messages now but I’m in a quandary over what to do?

I’ve even thought about printing the pics of him and sending them in the post as I just can’t bear to tell her. I’d also like to keep the fact that I’m in fab a secret as I have children. I am however, single. Unlike this guy. But do I leave her in an ignorance is bliss state or do I do the anonymous tip off? Advice please x

OP posts:
Elmer83 · 18/05/2023 20:44

I’d let her know but I know many on here will tell you not too. I couldn’t let a friend of mine be cheated on by her husband.

Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 20:46

Thank you for your reply. I feel most people will tell me to keep my nose out. I just feel like she has the right to deal with it how she sees fit.

OP posts:
SirenSays · 18/05/2023 20:47

I think she has a right to know. I'd tell her

Yummymummy2020 · 18/05/2023 20:49

I would tell as I would want to be told.

Dente · 18/05/2023 20:51

I mean it’s fabswingers - does that not mean there is a good chance they are both swingers ?

RudsyFarmer · 18/05/2023 20:53

Oh gosh there’s no right answer to this. Does he know that you know him? Do they have young kids? Personally I wouldn’t want to be responsible for blowing a family apart and ruining the childhood of little kids, so no I wouldn’t do anything. I’d just quietly simmer on
it and hate him from a distance.

WoofWoofBeachLife · 18/05/2023 20:54

Of all the profiles OP 🤣, if I was the wife I would want to know. He's having casual sex multiple times who knows wtaf he's been up too. I know if I went and asked my Husband what to do he would say none of our business and stay out of it. If I were in your shoes I would want to tell her but i wouldn't know how to. The printing off of the profile and body pics and his face pic would be a good idea and enclose an explanation of where the profile is and she could go and check it out herself. Others will probably say don't do this but if you want to stay incognito on Fab it's the only way I can see. X

WoofWoofBeachLife · 18/05/2023 20:56

Dente · 18/05/2023 20:51

I mean it’s fabswingers - does that not mean there is a good chance they are both swingers ?

They would be advertising as a couple then wouldn't they, plus he said to OP he's met up with several women from Fab.

LaPerduta · 18/05/2023 20:58

RudsyFarmer · 18/05/2023 20:53

Oh gosh there’s no right answer to this. Does he know that you know him? Do they have young kids? Personally I wouldn’t want to be responsible for blowing a family apart and ruining the childhood of little kids, so no I wouldn’t do anything. I’d just quietly simmer on
it and hate him from a distance.

She wouldn't be responsible. He is.

InceyWinceySpidy · 18/05/2023 20:59

So you've seen his face but he hasn't seen yours and has absolutely no idea it's you?

Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:00

Yes. I was so shocked I went offline.

OP posts:
MarryMeTomHardy · 18/05/2023 21:01

TBH the majority of 'single' men on Fab are married; Its a quandary, I don't think I would tell the wife but I probably would try and establish that he is having safe sex & if not I think I'd have to tell her... Good luck whatever you decide OP

Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:01

Thank you for taking the time, and yes that’s what I was thinking of doing. Just pointing her in the direction of the profile. But I’m torn. They do have a little child and he’s a doctor while she’s stopped everything while he went back to bed school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:02

*Med

OP posts:
Shivvy120 · 18/05/2023 21:03

If I was her, I’d want to know. It would be an awful revelation but I would want to know. The truth is always better than a lie. How you tell her… I’m not sure but could you keep yourself out of it? In all likelihood if it comes from you direct to her as who you are, she will say it to to someone, who’ll say it to someone else… protect your own privacy.

Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:05

Shivvy120 · 18/05/2023 21:03

If I was her, I’d want to know. It would be an awful revelation but I would want to know. The truth is always better than a lie. How you tell her… I’m not sure but could you keep yourself out of it? In all likelihood if it comes from you direct to her as who you are, she will say it to to someone, who’ll say it to someone else… protect your own privacy.

Thankyou and yes that is my priority. To save both our blushes I thought of sending the info through the post. Remain anonymous. I am not the only person he’s been talking to and also I don’t go under my real name x

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 18/05/2023 21:05

I had a message from one of the school dads when I was on fab! He sent the face pic straight off, didn't even wait for me to ask! I didn't do anything about it. For all I know his wife knows he's on it - my DP knew I was there after all...
tell her though if your conscience forces you to.

ConkerBonkers · 18/05/2023 21:08

I'm wondering how he manages to find the time - I watched "this is going through hurt" 😂

Oh dear, if I would be tempted to let him know you recognise him and read him the riot act, but stay anonymous. Just to really scare him. I am another one who think it would be awkward af to let the wife know about it. I'm not sure I could go ahead with that even though it's the best (nuclear) thing to do.

Maybe83 · 18/05/2023 21:09

I would print them off send them to her with a typed note to say you thought she should know but apologise if she was aware. She may know but the risk to her if she doesn't is so high if he is having sex with multiple people and they are still having sex.

Then delete your account and set up a new one just in case.

Grumpigal · 18/05/2023 21:11

I would tell her. It is then up to her to decide how to proceed.

for all you know she could be aware.

Send via a link from a burner phone or email. Although I suppose you can’t confirm receipt that way and if she’s got half a brain she won’t open a link. Screenshot via WhatsApp maybe?

If you don’t have her contact details or don’t want to fuss on with a burner then print his profile and the photos out and send in an official looking envelope to her

Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:11

Maybe83 · 18/05/2023 21:09

I would print them off send them to her with a typed note to say you thought she should know but apologise if she was aware. She may know but the risk to her if she doesn't is so high if he is having sex with multiple people and they are still having sex.

Then delete your account and set up a new one just in case.

Thanks for the advice. That goes for everyone who’s replied.

After this I think I’ll give fab a wide berth. Tbh I’ve never had casual sex I’m my life it was a moment of madness. No wonder we got in though! Already blummin know him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:13

Grumpigal · 18/05/2023 21:11

I would tell her. It is then up to her to decide how to proceed.

for all you know she could be aware.

Send via a link from a burner phone or email. Although I suppose you can’t confirm receipt that way and if she’s got half a brain she won’t open a link. Screenshot via WhatsApp maybe?

If you don’t have her contact details or don’t want to fuss on with a burner then print his profile and the photos out and send in an official looking envelope to her

That was my initial thought. Print the screenshots and let her do what she wants with them. Knowing her, she definitely won’t be in cahoots with him on this x

OP posts:
Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:14

I’ve just checked and he’s STILL online. He’s literally not been off for days

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 18/05/2023 21:14

@Capybara1, I would absolutely let her know.

You are no longer in the dark, so you can make choices. Her agency and choices have been stolen, so please provide her with the knowledge she deserves. Make sure that you use a platform that he can’t intercept.

Original poster
Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 21:16

MsDogLady · 18/05/2023 21:14

@Capybara1, I would absolutely let her know.

You are no longer in the dark, so you can make choices. Her agency and choices have been stolen, so please provide her with the knowledge she deserves. Make sure that you use a platform that he can’t intercept.

I had considered this. Because some people open each others Mail don’t they?

Tell me if this is a step too far but I considered posting them to a closer friend of hers so she could tell her. But I guess that isn’t fair to do to her. I will have to post and hope she receives them.

OP posts: