Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

CAUGHT ON FABSWINGERS

137 replies

Capybara1 · 18/05/2023 20:37

Hi, I’m a single woman on fabswingers. I haven’t met anyone yet but I’m considering.
Striking up conversation with a headless guy lol with a great body, we really got on and he was lovely to talk to.

He eventually sent some explicit photos and I wasn’t mad. But after chatting all day we agreed to exchange face pics. I couldn’t meet someone I didn’t fancy and so I asked him first.

So imagine my utter shock when the pic came through and I know the guy. I know his wife enough to have coffee with occasionally. The guy told me he’d met quite a few people on fab so far already. I’m ignoring his messages now but I’m in a quandary over what to do?

I’ve even thought about printing the pics of him and sending them in the post as I just can’t bear to tell her. I’d also like to keep the fact that I’m in fab a secret as I have children. I am however, single. Unlike this guy. But do I leave her in an ignorance is bliss state or do I do the anonymous tip off? Advice please x

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 19/05/2023 10:10

Ugh there are some nasty men in this world. I'd definitely somehow let her know.

strawberryFforever · 19/05/2023 15:30

I think you need to meet her for coffee and tell her f2f

Anonymous mail is cruel

Lookingoutside · 19/05/2023 17:43

Dente · 18/05/2023 20:51

I mean it’s fabswingers - does that not mean there is a good chance they are both swingers ?

Not really. Fab is packed with single guys/guys who play alone.

porridgeisbae · 19/05/2023 18:51

I think you need to meet her for coffee and tell her f2f

Then OP would have to say she's on Fab which she might not want to do, also it might effect her friendship with the wife.

ShandaLear · 19/05/2023 18:59

This would require some thinking through, but could you say than one of your friends found him on FS and you thought she should know?

AdamRyan · 19/05/2023 19:50

strawberryFforever · 19/05/2023 15:30

I think you need to meet her for coffee and tell her f2f

Anonymous mail is cruel

The problem with anonymous is, it's easy for him to play it as someone with a grudge.
In person, OPs friend will know who it is and why they told her - she'll know OP is looking out for her

jenny38 · 19/05/2023 20:08

I would have to tell her, I doubt she is aware he is on there. The friend suggestion is good, as long as there is nothing in the original chat which gives away the fact it was you. But anon could also work, I would put in a note saying you are too embarrassed to come forward.

Original poster
Capybara1 · 19/05/2023 20:27

jenny38 · 19/05/2023 20:08

I would have to tell her, I doubt she is aware he is on there. The friend suggestion is good, as long as there is nothing in the original chat which gives away the fact it was you. But anon could also work, I would put in a note saying you are too embarrassed to come forward.

I would be to be quite honest. I think the pictures he shares in there are probably all she needs to see. She’ll know it’s him. And then obviously the head shot he sent which is when I realised!

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 19/05/2023 21:50

In person, OPs friend will know who it is and why they told her - she'll know OP is looking out for her

I don't think that can be guaranteed. The bloke could still spin it as something else etc, or women can be in denial.

holliebo · 19/05/2023 21:58

I agree to tell her.

However if he DMd you the headshot and you include that he might deduce who told her.

If you want to be anonymous maybe stick to the photos on his main profile. Particularly if they're enough for her to have no doubt it's him

Original poster
Capybara1 · 20/05/2023 10:57

holliebo · 19/05/2023 21:58

I agree to tell her.

However if he DMd you the headshot and you include that he might deduce who told her.

If you want to be anonymous maybe stick to the photos on his main profile. Particularly if they're enough for her to have no doubt it's him

He doesn’t know who I am. I didn’t send one back as he went first and then I fainted haha!

update: he’s included a verification from a meet last night. It gets worse 🥲

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 20/05/2023 11:07

Capybara1 · 20/05/2023 10:57

He doesn’t know who I am. I didn’t send one back as he went first and then I fainted haha!

update: he’s included a verification from a meet last night. It gets worse 🥲

Show quote history

Gosh, half of fab would be jealous. It's usually really hard work for men to get anyone to agree to meet them!

So what are you going to do, op?

Original poster
Capybara1 · 20/05/2023 11:11

ArcticSkewer · 20/05/2023 11:07

Gosh, half of fab would be jealous. It's usually really hard work for men to get anyone to agree to meet them!

So what are you going to do, op?

Show quote history

I can’t tell her f2f. I’d be too embarrassed and I couldn’t watch her upset. It’s cowardly doing it anonymously but at least I’ll know she has the info to use as she wants.

what do you think is the best course of action?

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 20/05/2023 11:30

I think you should make your mind up, stop stalking him on fab, and either do something about it or don't.

Otherwise you are just enjoying the rubbernecking, really. A bit like slowing down to watch a car crash on the other side of the road.

Are you going to meet anyone on fab btw? Maybe you should try a sex club or sex party instead if fab isn't working out for you? Mind you, fab itself is a bit outdated these days.

Original poster
Capybara1 · 20/05/2023 11:35

ArcticSkewer · 20/05/2023 11:30

I think you should make your mind up, stop stalking him on fab, and either do something about it or don't.

Otherwise you are just enjoying the rubbernecking, really. A bit like slowing down to watch a car crash on the other side of the road.

Are you going to meet anyone on fab btw? Maybe you should try a sex club or sex party instead if fab isn't working out for you? Mind you, fab itself is a bit outdated these days.

Although you seem very sure about what I enjoy and what I don’t, I can assure you I get no thrill from any of this.

OP posts:
pensionconfusion · 20/05/2023 11:48

I'd tell her as I would want to know if I was her. Horrible to hear but she will move on after she gets over it.

perfectcolourfound · 20/05/2023 12:03

@Capybara1 I don't understand the pp who is suggesting you're enjoying this, or creating drama.

You didn't create the situation. Anyone in your shoes would find this a tricky situation. And anyone with a conscience couldn't just walk away and forget about it.

The general consensus in these situations tends to be that the wife should know. I agree. If someone I know knew my DH is cheating, I'd want to know. Then I can decide what I do with that information. Ignorance is not bliss.

Some pp have suggested that perhaps is wife knows, in which case - no harm done by telling her. But you may still be doing her a favour - she may know he's on there but not that he's chatting her friends up and revealing who he is to people she knows.

Years ago I was 'approached' by the husband of a 'friend of a friend'. She wasn't someone I was friends with, but we'd say Hello if we passed in the street, our children sometimes played etc. I chose not to say anything to her, just told him not to speak to me again. She found out, a couple of years later, and she was angry and hurt that I hadn't told her. And I understand why. She said I had no right to withhold the information from her that her DH was a cheat. She was right.

Original poster
Capybara1 · 20/05/2023 13:01

perfectcolourfound · 20/05/2023 12:03

@Capybara1 I don't understand the pp who is suggesting you're enjoying this, or creating drama.

You didn't create the situation. Anyone in your shoes would find this a tricky situation. And anyone with a conscience couldn't just walk away and forget about it.

The general consensus in these situations tends to be that the wife should know. I agree. If someone I know knew my DH is cheating, I'd want to know. Then I can decide what I do with that information. Ignorance is not bliss.

Some pp have suggested that perhaps is wife knows, in which case - no harm done by telling her. But you may still be doing her a favour - she may know he's on there but not that he's chatting her friends up and revealing who he is to people she knows.

Years ago I was 'approached' by the husband of a 'friend of a friend'. She wasn't someone I was friends with, but we'd say Hello if we passed in the street, our children sometimes played etc. I chose not to say anything to her, just told him not to speak to me again. She found out, a couple of years later, and she was angry and hurt that I hadn't told her. And I understand why. She said I had no right to withhold the information from her that her DH was a cheat. She was right.

Thank you and I agree with you. I think I know what I have to do as awkward as it is x

OP posts:
allthewoes · 20/05/2023 13:04

I wouldn't post the photos, I'd set up a new gmail account and send them, less likely to get intercepted.

JenMc6690 · 08/09/2023 13:36

I've just caught my partner using this site. don't suppose you wanna do me a favour 🙈 just message him and see if he replies. Or add him and see if he accepts. My heads up my asse with it all. I don't want to confront him for him to say he was just watching porn. I understand if you'd rather not 😊

KeepingItTogether23 · 08/09/2023 13:41

Does anybody know how to PM the OP, I'm clicking private message but it doesnt bring anything up just a blank page.
My bestfriend found out her boyfriend is actually on here but hes delighted her into thinking it's not what it seems and he doesnt actually use it
Would be interested to see if the OP could find him on their

beatrix1234 · 08/09/2023 13:45

If her wife was a random who I have no relation to I would block
the guy and forget, if she’s a friend I would let her know. Be prepared of him getting vindictive (job, your children etc…). Tread carefully.

jolies1 · 08/09/2023 14:20

I’ve got to be honest OP if you are on a site called FabSwingers surely it’s full of married men - I assumed that’s what swingers were?? Why not use Tinder etc?

beatrix1234 · 08/09/2023 15:56

jolies1 · 08/09/2023 14:20

I’ve got to be honest OP if you are on a site called FabSwingers surely it’s full of married men - I assumed that’s what swingers were?? Why not use Tinder etc?

Like there’s no married men on tinder? 🤣😂🤣

hev126 · 08/09/2023 16:41

@beatrix1234 obviously there's some married men on tinder - nobody is naive enough to think that's not the case.

However, there's a big difference between meeting a guy on a site for singles who has chosen to lie about being married vs going on a site designed for married people to cheat.