CAUGHT ON FABSWINGERS

[Capybara1]

Hi, I’m a single woman on fabswingers. I haven’t met anyone yet but I’m considering.
Striking up conversation with a headless guy lol with a great body, we really got on and he was lovely to talk to.

He eventually sent some explicit photos and I wasn’t mad. But after chatting all day we agreed to exchange face pics. I couldn’t meet someone I didn’t fancy and so I asked him first.

So imagine my utter shock when the pic came through and I know the guy. I know his wife enough to have coffee with occasionally. The guy told me he’d met quite a few people on fab so far already. I’m ignoring his messages now but I’m in a quandary over what to do?

I’ve even thought about printing the pics of him and sending them in the post as I just can’t bear to tell her. I’d also like to keep the fact that I’m in fab a secret as I have children. I am however, single. Unlike this guy. But do I leave her in an ignorance is bliss state or do I do the anonymous tip off? Advice please x

Oh OP I would 100% tell her!

@Capybara1 this exact same thing happened to me a few years ago.. (Plenty of fish not fab) I had absolutely no idea what to to for a quite a while and didn’t tell anyone. I often think about it.. he also divulged extremely detailed and intimate information about multiple previous group sexual encounters! I was single and had enough crap in my life at the time so decided I didn’t want to welcome anymore. He also had a young family and I just didn’t want to involve myself in it all.. I did however (after him pestering me on the site for a while after I’d been ignoring him) tell him ‘I knew exactly who he was, and if he carried on I would message his wife and tell her.. he disappeared instantly! rightly or wrongly.. that’s what I did.

Astonished at some posters saying don't tell her - however you decide OP, I think any wife would want to know.

why is he at med school if he’s already a doctor?

He went into it later in life. He is qualified but then still in training for other things for years.

I’m inclined to do the same but then I don’t know if I can. Also, I’ve seen his profile come and go. Keep rejoining etc so this isn’t the first time he was in. Just the first time we interacted on there.

Considering the number of single male profiles on that site you must have a great eye for detail to see his profile come and go like that.

@Capybara1 I met someone pretty much after this happened and deleted my account, so you’re in a different position to me.. the nerve of them is something else! I’ve no idea whether he stayed online or is still on there now. However I honestly think that this isn’t on you, these shitty men don’t half put people in crap situations with their behaviour x

Fab swingers is full of married men. I see a guy on the school run with 2 young kids who's on there. I know his friend and he said his misses definitely doesn't know. His verification score is ridiculous. I would personally stay out of it.

No because you set your preferences ie distance etc so you see newly added people in the update section. And his profile picture is very striking.

If you're going to send her evidence in the post, I'd suggest putting it inside a second envelope with a note explaining what it is, so she has some warning and doesn't open it in front of the children.

It’s quite a big assumption to make that she doesn’t know, or he’s doing it behind her back. People’s sex lives involve all kinds of arrangements that I won’t go into on a parenting forum :)

And you don’t know what’s happening in their relationship, or even if they have one aside from coparenting the children.

I like this idea.

Agree with @CheeseTouch

Massive assumptions being made here - that they’re not honest with each other, that they believe in monogamy, that they don’t regularly test for STIs, etc. It really is none of your business. Bear in mind you’ve asked MN for advice which appears to be generally very conservative and traditional when it comes to sex and relationships.

First questions you should be asking men is if they fit your criteria for whatever you want to do with them. If being single is one of those then make sure you ask them up front. If you’re adult about it you’re likely to get honest responses.

Right so, perfectly fine for him to shag a bunch of people and wife and put her sexual health at risk? Perfectly fine for her to stay with a guy without knowing how little respect he has for her? For the sake of the kids.

No. Women don't stop mattering just because they have children. It's not protecting anyone to stay with someone who doesn't love you. Your kids will learn that shit.

It's not a family, its a lie.

As women we need to stop being martyrs. Let alone martyrs that aren't actually doing right by anyone.

Of course that’s what I did. Which is why I feel affronted because of course he isn’t.
mid that’s the arrangement they have then no harm done. But why is he advertising as a single man?

Why? Gosh I can't think.

Maybe invite his wife to a threesome? That would make a fun scene.

But why is he advertising as a single man?

iI wouldn’t waste any more time thinking about it tbh. He’s lied to you and isn’t what you’re looking for so move on. Why the investment in drama?

Because I know them.

I don't think you understand Mills and Boon or fab swingers, if you're making that sort of comment!

I'd screenshot it & tell her. If the situation was reversed and your partner was doing similar wouldn't you prefer know.

The sooner she knows, the greater chance she has to move on with her life and find someone who doesn't chat on her.

Does he have verifications? There are so many married men on there, it drives me mad. I met a guy on there and I then found out he had a 1 month old baby!

I do think you should tell the woman in question or send her the screenshot in the post. Make sure though that you include everything so he can't talk his way out of it. He could also say someone has stolen his pictures so hopefully you have some foolproof evidence!

All the best op

Thankyou I will need it x