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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband messaged prostitute

141 replies

Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 17:23

So as the subject suggests this is my reality right now. He headed to London last night left his work phone behind. Something just felt funny & I
had a funny feeling checked his work phone and last Tuesday when he was working In Edinburgh he sent a message to a prostitute/escort.
Says nothing happened thereafter as he thought of me and the kids and couldn’t do it but the intention was there alongside 7 other escort numbers.

We are married almost 10 year 3 beautiful children.
he’s came home today packed a bag and left I just can’t bring myself to even sit down and talk with him. I feel disgusting and so disappointed in him.
Our sex life isn’t perfect life is busy with 3 little ones but it happens a few times a month.
i just don’t understand why men behave this way for a potential quick fix.
We have a beautiful home lots to look forward to now I just feel I can’t forgive and move forward as I just don’t feel I could trust him. I don’t want to be one of them ppl that’s paranoid checking phones every week.
If anyone has every dealt with a similar situation would be so grateful to hear people’s opinions.

thanks so much for taken the time to read that
xx

OP posts:
IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 16/05/2023 17:26

Men are nothing better than humping dogs.

It's disgusting and pitiful really.

Gettingbysomehow · 16/05/2023 17:28

Take it from one who has been married and divorced three times. The minute they do disgusting things like this is the minute you should leave them and get a divorce. Because they do not change, not ever.
Don't believe for one minute that he didn't go through with it for the sake of the children, that is absolute bollocks.
Don't waste even another year on this creep.

HollyFern1110 · 16/05/2023 17:29

Does he work away regularly?

Can you be certain this was his first time messaging an escort? The other numbers in his phone would suggest otherwise......

Seems unlikely he would have so many numbers & never have actually met up with any of them.

OrbandSpectacle · 16/05/2023 17:30

They all say they didn't go through with it when caught out.

Reality is he rents strangers to stick his dick into.

Using sex workers can become addictive. You can never trust him.

Get tested for STIs.

sillyonehetpes · 16/05/2023 17:33

It's not because you aren't having sex with him either

BreviloquentBastard · 16/05/2023 17:33

Funny how every man who gets caught messaging prostitutes "didn't go through with it".

With multiple escorts numbers on his phone I'd say it's a pretty safe bet he absolutely has "gone through with it", probably multiple times.

Honestly just get yourself tested for STDs at the very least. I personally would be out of there quicker than a whippet with a bum full of dynamite, I could never stay with a man who'd used a woman like an object like that. I'd never even be able to look at him again.

caringcarer · 16/05/2023 17:34

Get tested for STD OP. It must be gutting for you with 3 little ones. I divorced my exh because he cheated on me and that was not even with a prostitute. I knew I could not have sex with him again after he cheated on me so I divorced him.

Deathbyfluffy · 16/05/2023 17:35

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 16/05/2023 17:26

Men are nothing better than humping dogs.

It's disgusting and pitiful really.

Wow, just wow. Can you imagine if someone said that about a woman on here?
I’ll not say what I think about your type. But generalisations are disgusting. Have a word with yourself.

Original poster
Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 17:38

Thanks for all your replies. Am heart broken he could do this to me.
yeah he works away a few times a week. Am stuck as house is in his name cars bills etc. we run a joint business and am attached to that. He’s in a hotel at present I won’t have him in the house. He just keeps crying and putting himself alongside the holy bible. (He’s Irish deep catholic which makes the situation worse)
I do fear this might not be the first time his friend messaged me today saying he has done the same in the past and never do go through with it.
I just don’t know where I’ve gone so wrong
x

thank again x

OP posts:
OrbandSpectacle · 16/05/2023 17:42

You are married so at least half the house is yours. Seek legal advice.

His friend is talking bollocks.

Next he will swear on the kids lives. Still lying.

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 16/05/2023 17:44

@Deathbyfluffy

I didn't mean your Nigel obviously.

I should have written "so many men".

MrsDoylesDoily · 16/05/2023 17:45

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 16/05/2023 17:26

Men are nothing better than humping dogs.

It's disgusting and pitiful really.

This is a disgustingly sexist thing to say and I really hope you don't have sons.

Original poster
Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 17:57

Am so heart broken how do I explain it to my two boys 7? They think he’s working away. Am heart broken for them.
I will call the doctors tomorrow and get booked in what an awful conversation to have with a receptionist.
Thanks for everyone’s reply’s shocked at how many have dealt with this sort of thing.
x

OP posts:
Jolie654 · 16/05/2023 18:01

They admit to the least they think they’ll get away with.
Do you have daughters OP? How does your DH feel about renting someone else’s daughter’s body for his own pleasure? It’s an attitude that’s deeply entitled and misogynistic at it’s core.

sorry you are going through this, have been there myself.

Shoxfordian · 16/05/2023 18:11

Divorce him; he’s disgusting: I don’t believe he didn’t do it either- he’s treating you like an idiot

There could be a GUM clinic or something for sexual health checks instead of your Doctor if you feel embarrassed or awkward

sillyonehetpes · 16/05/2023 18:13

Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 17:57

Am so heart broken how do I explain it to my two boys 7? They think he’s working away. Am heart broken for them.
I will call the doctors tomorrow and get booked in what an awful conversation to have with a receptionist.
Thanks for everyone’s reply’s shocked at how many have dealt with this sort of thing.
x

I'm not sure a GP service will offer STi tests, mine don't.

sillyonehetpes · 16/05/2023 18:14

Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 17:38

Thanks for all your replies. Am heart broken he could do this to me.
yeah he works away a few times a week. Am stuck as house is in his name cars bills etc. we run a joint business and am attached to that. He’s in a hotel at present I won’t have him in the house. He just keeps crying and putting himself alongside the holy bible. (He’s Irish deep catholic which makes the situation worse)
I do fear this might not be the first time his friend messaged me today saying he has done the same in the past and never do go through with it.
I just don’t know where I’ve gone so wrong
x

thank again x

Have you got a bank account you can check for withdraws of £150?

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 16/05/2023 18:18

Op, you have to think about yourself now. Take it slow, you don't have to do anything about telling anyone immediately.

Sending you strength.

stealthninjamum · 16/05/2023 18:18

I’m so sorry op, that’s heartbreaking.

Even if he hadn’t gone through with it and never contacted a prostitute again you’d never trust him, especially when he went away with work. That feeing of distrust just eats you up and you just can’t live like the anxiety.

sending you hugs.

Original poster
Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 18:21

I have the screen shots of the text and calls he made was 10 different nos and one she answered and replied to him with costs. I googled all nos and all sex workers. Bet his face last night seeing the screen shot was a picture.
so to me he was desperate to find somebody. Can see on his call log there is a gap of half an hour with no out going calls so pretty much says it all.

i am just broken have my 3 settled for the evening boys have sats this week thankfully none of the wiser as it’s the norm for him working away.
how do you get over heart break like this when you can’t just cut them out because of the kids

how to deal with communication and seeing the kids moving forward is a huge mess
x

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 18:23

No trans at all from joint account but I don’t have access to the business account stupid me.
I will call the gp and explain my situation and see if they can guide me thanks again

OP posts:
bringonyourwreckingball · 16/05/2023 18:25

sending hugs - I am a nearly a year down the line from this and it is the worst feeling ever. In my case it was undeniable that he had gone through with it but to be honest you know his denials are utter bollocks, he’s just upset he got caught. My advice is to act fairly quickly whilst he is still feeling guilty - my stbxh has gone into defensive mode and is being hugely unreasonable about everything because time/distance has allowed him to minimise what he did and reimagine himself as the victim.

Original poster
Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 18:28

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinsplusone772 · 16/05/2023 18:28

Thank you I can’t forgive this at all

OP posts:
YeahYouDo · 16/05/2023 18:28

I really feel for you OP. You must feel so angry and hurt that he’s done this.

Men that do this have zero respect for women. If you stay with him your life will be constant worry and stress. Get rid and your future will be good.

Things will be hard for a while but you will be ok.

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