Husband messaged prostitute

[Twinsplusone772]

So as the subject suggests this is my reality right now. He headed to London last night left his work phone behind. Something just felt funny & I
had a funny feeling checked his work phone and last Tuesday when he was working In Edinburgh he sent a message to a prostitute/escort.
Says nothing happened thereafter as he thought of me and the kids and couldn’t do it but the intention was there alongside 7 other escort numbers.

We are married almost 10 year 3 beautiful children.
he’s came home today packed a bag and left I just can’t bring myself to even sit down and talk with him. I feel disgusting and so disappointed in him.
Our sex life isn’t perfect life is busy with 3 little ones but it happens a few times a month.
i just don’t understand why men behave this way for a potential quick fix.
We have a beautiful home lots to look forward to now I just feel I can’t forgive and move forward as I just don’t feel I could trust him. I don’t want to be one of them ppl that’s paranoid checking phones every week.
If anyone has every dealt with a similar situation would be so grateful to hear people’s opinions.

thanks so much for taken the time to read that
xx

i just hate the thought of the kids having a broken home life it’s just heart breaking for them.

It is awful but none of it is your fault, it’s all on him. Whatever the flaws or problems in your marriage he could have talked to you or gone to counselling before resorting to buying a woman’s body.

I think act quickly before he tries to minimise it and justify it to himself somehow.

He sounds like he needs to grow up- he needs to stop crying, put down the Bible and own it. Pathetic really.

Unfortunately this will be the tip of the iceberg and you need to get out x

@Twinsplusone772 it is heartbreaking - the betrayal. But it good you found out now rather than living a lie for years.

I feel for you OP - I am sorry.

A person that lies to his family for his own gratification is not a family man.

is there a GUM clinic anywhere near? They test for std’s.
You have done nothing wrong. Your (D)H has behaved appallingly and has likely lost your trust forever. As he deserves to. He is only crying because he has been found out. I’d be amazed if he’s ‘never gone through with it’.
At best he’s a fool.

You can also do STI checks privately with a company such as let’s get checked if you’d rather not have to explain the situation. Do the tests at home and then post. You have to pay but may be more straightforward and easier in all senses.

@Deathbyfluffy"Wow, just wow. Can you imagine if someone said that about a woman"

It's not language I like, I admit. But there is a very good reason nobody would say that about a woman. Can you think what it might be?

Thank you everyone really appreciate everyone’s kind words. Am more gutted for my kids than myself but my god don’t they keep you going. I will look into a private test and my plan is to look into divorce proceedings tomorrow also see if there is a time frame etc. I could never trust him again always wondering if he’s sent messages being away again searching his phone that just isn’t me or a life I want. How on Earth could you have sec again.
Sure I will be Happy on my own just need to find a routine that works x

@Twinsplusone772

It is really hard for you to think about the future.
But he can still be a decent father if he wants to and you may one day find your way in the future to tolerate doing joint parental things with him (although seeing as a sad person who detonated his own life.)

What I am trying to say the future may not be what you imagined but you can still give your kids a beautiful life.
The situation is corrosive the longer you stay in it. The loss of trust - the resentment - none of it is healthy for children.

Always come back herewhen you need for advice and chat. So many women have been where you are.🌹

I humped Nigel yesterday 😪.

As well as being an offensive, inaccurate, unhelpful generalisation, this also gives those men who cheat an excuse. 'I'm a man so I can't help it'.

Men can help it. They aren't all like that. Being a man isn't a reason or an excuse to cheat.

How on earth do prostitutes make a living when all of these men just message them and then not take it any further? Op he is a dirty lying cheat and he won't change. Do yourself and your dc a massive favour and dump him.

I'm not sure a GP service will offer STi tests, mine don't.

I'm pretty sure they do. Mine definitely do.

There are also sexual health services, also called GUM clinics etc I guess.

You wouldn't have to tell them much detail or anything like that. They're free@Twinsplusone772

So awful for you op I hope you've got real life support.

I would tell his family and your friends immediately before he spins his own narrative and makes you the bad guy. Because he will.

Never, ever forget that the only reason he's sorry is because he got caught.

Remind him every single day that HE is the reason your family has been destroyed.

Really sorry you are going through this, my advice from experience would be to find a private clinic that will give you immediate results and bill your wonderful husband for the privilege. Had much the same experience many years ago with my ex husband, I couldn’t face the humiliation of explaining to my own doctor/receptionist. Easy to find through Google.

It does vary. I work at a GP surgery. We do not offer STI testing. We do however signpost patients to the correct service without judgement.

GP Receptionists have pretty much heard it all. And, shock horror, are also humans who have been through some of it first hand.

I'm not a Receptionist now (haven't been for years), but people really shouldn't be embarrassed to say what they need to say. Nobody is judging & confidentiality is literally the most important part of the contract.

@Spookysnake how dare you sully the good name of Nigel!

(Disclaimer : NAMALT)

I didn’t mean your Nigel obviously…🤣 made me laugh!

You poor thing op, what a terrible thing to happen. Unfortunately, i couldn’t get over this, it’s grim.

Youve done nothing wrong.

Why seemingly decent men with lovely families and homes do this can be explained quite easily - ease of supply.

Back in the 80s, say, if you wanted porn you'd need to buy a mag from a newsagent or rent a video from the dodgy video guy. Hiring a prostitute wouldn't have been on most 'normal' men's radar. The closest they got was maybe seeing numbers in phone boxes or men's public lavs. Hiring a prostitute would have been basically too much hassle.

Nowadays you can just as easily buy - under incognito browsing - a prostitute, as you can the month's supply of cat food. When they can buy a half hour appointment, I'd imagine it's easy to arrange it during their lunch hour. Just like a dentist's appointment.

It's rife. It's becoming normalised. That's why the 'good' guys fall foul of it.

@Twinsplusone772 I'm not making excuses for him as he has just as much ability as the next person to refrain from taking what is on offer so easily. What I am saying is that your experience is far from unique and that both you and he are victims of the trash the internet has facilitated.

Sorry that you are going through this. Please don't feel uncomfortable about going to the Gum clinic, they are all so lovely in those places. I burst into tears when I went after my ex husband cheated ( many times) They took me to a quiet room away from the general waiting room. Completely different from how I imagined it to be.
Take care 💐

Sadly I’ve been in your shoes. I can’t even remember what came over me but he was sleeping one night and I just felt compelled to check his phone. I found texts from a number on a weekday morning, which I googled and found was someone from an escort site. It felt even worse that I was able to actually see who it was and the page he’d obviously decided to contact her based on. The messages were vague and it seemed like if he’d actually arranged a time it must have been via messages on the site as the texts just stopped. Of course when confronted about it he said it was a laugh at work and he didn’t go. I chucked him out and he continually apologised, saying it was because someone from work was on that site, it was all a big joke etc. We’re now back together and I’m about 99.99% confident he’s never done anything as stupid again but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t cross my mind if he’s late home from work or goes out to get something when I’m at home. We’re married with kids now but I can imagine even if we’re still together at 80 this feeling will always be there but I never mention it as it was so long ago