Husband messaged prostitute

[Twinsplusone772]

So as the subject suggests this is my reality right now. He headed to London last night left his work phone behind. Something just felt funny & I
had a funny feeling checked his work phone and last Tuesday when he was working In Edinburgh he sent a message to a prostitute/escort.
Says nothing happened thereafter as he thought of me and the kids and couldn’t do it but the intention was there alongside 7 other escort numbers.

We are married almost 10 year 3 beautiful children.
he’s came home today packed a bag and left I just can’t bring myself to even sit down and talk with him. I feel disgusting and so disappointed in him.
Our sex life isn’t perfect life is busy with 3 little ones but it happens a few times a month.
i just don’t understand why men behave this way for a potential quick fix.
We have a beautiful home lots to look forward to now I just feel I can’t forgive and move forward as I just don’t feel I could trust him. I don’t want to be one of them ppl that’s paranoid checking phones every week.
If anyone has every dealt with a similar situation would be so grateful to hear people’s opinions.

thanks so much for taken the time to read that
xx

I'm so sorry OP, you must be heartbroken Please don't fall into the trap of questioning why you weren't 'enough', this isn't happening because of something lacking in you or your marriage. This is who he is, a 'punter' who gets off on paying for sex, it's essentially a fetish and 100% about him rather than you.

It's not always a fetish anymore. I would have agreed with you a few years ago but nowadays men without that fetish are using prostitutes.
I really don't think most women realise how normalised it is becoming. It's no longer the dirty mac brigade, the punters with the fetish, the self-entitled. It's 'normal bloke'. There's little shame these days in paying for sex (I mean from the PoV of married men making use of these 'services'). They also seem to be woefully under-educated in the risks of STDs.

Why do men get married or have long term relationships. They could save a lot of heartbreak if they just stayed single and paid for sex, or just had no strings sex with willing women.

This was me 7 years ago on the eve of my son's first birthday. My world crumbled. It was denied, then when phone bills showed hundreds of numbers to escorts it was admitted. Well minimised to two paid for blow jobs. I tried to move on to save my family but it was awful and I lost myself. He blamed me then threw physical attacks into the mix and I saw sense and left. It was so hard. But gradually things got better and life is a million times brighter, more peaceful and happier without him and living that life. I have never regretted walking away and it makes me sad to think once upon a time I actually considered staying - my confidence was that battered from the experience. Good luck op....stay strong x

Sex working must be a pretty bad business model given the number of men who don't go through with the visits.

It must've been a terrible shock for you. I'm so sorry.

Ahh sorry to hear that , I don’t really have a gf at the moment last one just lost touch with me and then it’s been a struggle , we work different days and in different places, north of england vs South of England I lost my Grandma , Grandads , Aunty and Close primary school friend in the years I was at college / being Independent this was with Asperger’s Syndrome in my 20’s and beyond now I reached 30 I thought it would get easier it hasn’t and seems I have to battle for freedom in every way .

I don’t know what to say for me I’m a Christian and I’m Church of England and it’s bad , I received responses and gossip about someone I hardly ever knew that never even attended the church I was at so yeah find someone that you truly know will look after you. I hope it gets better and easier soon.

Exactly. What are chances you caught him the very first time he ever contacted an escort?

I’m sorry this happened to you OP. x

I hope women wake up and stop promoting
only fans

So sorry to hear this has happened to you OP. It happened to me also and I felt as if my whole world had caved in beneath my feet. It broke me mentally and physically. He was never the 'type'. The Mr Nice Guy who everyone thought was marvellous, and so did I until I discovered what a filthy sleazy secret life he was leading when he was meant to be away for work.
You will never forget what has happened to you. Take my advice and divorce the rotter and make a fresh new start with the kids. He wasn't thinking of them or you when he was sticking his dick inside a hooker was he, and spending money that could have been spent on you or the kids?! They all deny ever having gone through with it! Mine did too, he even swore on his child's life he had never gone through with it - till I showed him the evidence. Then he said he was sorry - yeah right, only sorry he got found out. Men like this never change. Yours won't either so you're best off without the lowlife. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He's at fault, not you, and if you let him off once it will happen again. Good luck for the future x

He could’ve watched porn in his lunchbreak and had a wank, if he was horny. He’s not a good guy. Good guys don’t have the numbers of 7 prositutes in their phones- sleazy guys do. He’s married.

I’m not having a go at you- I just think your post, while having a point, eventually does excuse him.

You’ve got 3 little ones, you can’t trust him, can you dump him?

He was asking for it 🤷‍♀️

As I've said in another thread on this subject; sex workers provide a fuck or a BJ in a room in an apartment for x amount of money. They do not provide;

Meals
Laundry
House cleaning
A family/child bearing
Childcare
A plus one to help pay mortgage/rent
A plus one for all social events (when most are couple based)
Social conformity & conventionality, and respectability
Company
Emotional support
Someone to care for you if you're sick
Someone to care for you/be there with you as you grow old

Etc etc.

Non prostitute women are needed to provide everything else.

They may expect two way monogamy but sure everyone knows you pretend that on the surface to get all of the above, but men don't really have to stick to it; sure, it's not natural for them. They're a good guy who pays the mortgage and plays with his kids sometimes, and doesn't beat her; what the fuck more do people want.

no strings sex with willing women

There aren't actually that many willing women. That's why, when I had to sign up to fab swingers to satisfy my curiosity about whether ppl would actually be doing that in my parochial little region after reading about it on here; I had more than a hundred messages in 24 hrs. With no profile picture and my age as mid 40s.

Even if you do get them, no string sex with women doesn't get you most of my list above.

These men want to have the conventional family etc. And you can't really do that with no strings fuck buddy relationships.

Men are also aware that work/career advancement is often linked with being seen as conventional, respectable, solid and reliable; being a family man helps with that a great deal.

Their parents also often want them to provide grandchildren (even if they didn't want to have kids themselves, which most do).

It's just that they want to and feel entitled to have sex with women other than their partner. They want sex with more than one woman.

They don't want to stick to monogamy and think using prostitutes is a convenient, secret way of doing it.

They may even think it's a more "moral" way because it's not an affair, with emotions, that might be a "real threat", and doesn't involve using/manipulating an other woman (who wouldn't get involved with him if he didn't lie about his marriage/relationship).

"Says nothing happened thereafter as he thought of me and the kids and couldn’t do it"

I'd bet my house that he's lying. There would be no coming back from this for me, so sorry this has happened to you.

Also it becones sweety shop/variety/anticipation etc addictive to them.

Punters openly discuss their desire to try out the prostitutes that are being reviewed in UK punting like restaurants/experiences ... "Thanks for that review, I've been meaning to try her for a while and that confirms it; I'll book her next time she's up North/I'm in her area" etc.

Hiring a prostitute wouldn't have been on most 'normal' men's radar. The closest they got was maybe seeing numbers in phone boxes or men's public lavs. Hiring a prostitute would have been basically too much hassle.

You're very naive.

Before cards in phone boxes, men were far more likely to visit brothels or walk-ups, or pick-up street workers. There were also contact mags, sex parties (hello Cynthia Payne) and even that woman in the pub who would have sex/give blow jobs for money. For men who want to pay for sex, there has always been a way to procure it. Hell, even for those who don't want to pay for sex, they can still pick up a woman if they put in enough effort. But that's the things, they don't want to make an effort.

The biggest difference is pre-internet and mobile/smart phones, men were less likely to get caught.

please please be kind I am just about keeping it together for the kids.
So I’ve had 4 hours sleep my emotions are just all over the place. I feel like a complete push over and door Mat.
he started messaging early hours telling me he has mental issues and needs help. His heart rate (attached to my phone as he has high blood pressure) could see it on 3 occasions last few days was High was telling me he was trying to kill himself and stopped as realised he was being a selfish so and so.
so being stupid I feel guilty after I got of the phone spoke with his friend who is in contact with counsellor to get him help. Called his mum and was so gentle with the situation and explain it like Yano when a man desires something in that manner and pays for it I just didn’t know how to even say it out loud. They are in contact with him so I don’t have that Extra pressure.
the twins 7 are doing sats this week and I can see it’s tough on them all my energy is focused on them. It’s our almost 2 year olds birthday Sunday and him and his friend have pretty much pressured me into letting him spend the day with the kids Sunday.
I know I have to do it for my kids but am broken I don’t even think am going to be able to hold it together for the day.
I feel like the looking on the phone and no trust is being turned on me as in well your to blame because you didn’t communicate. Issues with me because I’ve been on his phone.
but if I hadn’t of been keeping an eye out I’d of never seen the message and calls.
i feel so lost, stupid and vulnerable and am not that type of person.
thanks again to everyone here that has taken time to help me x

I'm so sorry he's put through through what you're going through.

All I will say is that "mental issues","adduction" and suicidal feelings (when caught out, they're absolutely fine before being caught out) are psr for the course, cheater script standards.

They are as predictable as the sun rising.

Note that's it's still all about them; not about the pain, devastation, trauma, stress etc etc they're inflicted and are inflicting on you. You have equal or more reason to be losing the plot, yet you are supposed to stay at je, look after your child, and be sympathetic to them, support them. The selfishness flies through everything.

You e been cheated on (it's extremely unlikely he never followed through on meeting any of those prostitutes, I'm sorry. The cheaters and punters MO is to only admit to what youve been caught at, and barely even then). His actions have broken up your relationship & family, you are naturally devastated abd in pain ..... But it's still all about him, isn't it.

Even if he never met and had sex with any of those prostitutes (unlikely); who the fuck wants to be with a man who decided to use a prostitute, looked them.up, contacted, them arrangements etc. and only - likely to be absolute lies but let's pretend it's true - didn't go through with the arrangements because he had a last minute crisis of conscience about his wife and family? Who wants that? What you want is a partner who's not looking up prostitutes and arranging to pay then for sex in the first place. Someone with some basic decency and loyalty.

When are his crises of conscience (bet it didn't happen but anyway) going to not be enough to stop his repeated incursions into prostitute territory (how many women's numbers did he have?).

I think you only have one child. This will be way worse to leave with more than one. He'll just be very careful when his "mental health" crisis and panic that he'll be dumped, be a single Dad, and everyone will find out about his activities.

... is past and he thinks he's safe.

Yes he's trying every caught cheaters trick in the book now, egged on by his twatty friend. Don't fall for it.

Oh I'm v sorry I see you have 3 (?) kids.

What an absolute scum bag he is.