Husband messaged prostitute

[Twinsplusone772]

So as the subject suggests this is my reality right now. He headed to London last night left his work phone behind. Something just felt funny & I
had a funny feeling checked his work phone and last Tuesday when he was working In Edinburgh he sent a message to a prostitute/escort.
Says nothing happened thereafter as he thought of me and the kids and couldn’t do it but the intention was there alongside 7 other escort numbers.

We are married almost 10 year 3 beautiful children.
he’s came home today packed a bag and left I just can’t bring myself to even sit down and talk with him. I feel disgusting and so disappointed in him.
Our sex life isn’t perfect life is busy with 3 little ones but it happens a few times a month.
i just don’t understand why men behave this way for a potential quick fix.
We have a beautiful home lots to look forward to now I just feel I can’t forgive and move forward as I just don’t feel I could trust him. I don’t want to be one of them ppl that’s paranoid checking phones every week.
If anyone has every dealt with a similar situation would be so grateful to hear people’s opinions.

thanks so much for taken the time to read that
xx

Well it was Daddy that broke it, not you.

I would to.

First of all because it's standard.

Second of all because pretty much every woman on here who had the chance to find out if her partner hadn't actually met with prostitutes, found out they did.

Thirdly, because I'm wondering why he needed so many numbers to have the ",one" crisis of conscience and not follow through on meeting the prostitute. Is he saying he needed 7 (?) or more numbers and conversations to get one who'd set up a meeting, upon which he had his crisis of conscience and didn't meet or ... Or didn't fuck her having gone there to do that and taken up a working slot of her time. Not making much sense to me.

Can you see withdrawals that would match his Comms with the prostitutes. Can you see if he had a UK punting account or anything like that.

Are you on the right thread @Lifeishard7643 ?

*too

Thanks for your reply’s I can’t deal with the self inflicted sabotage that’s why I’ve past it to his mum and friend am just not able to deal with it. We don’t have family only his in Ireland but don’t really have a good relationship with them so was a big deal sending her a message this morning as I have never spoken from my number with her in all the years we have been together.
also contacted my gp this morning and booked to go there he’s adamant nothing will show and tells me he can show proof of no money coming out the banks. Just the intention was there.
I don’t want to continue to be that crazy women checking phones while he’s showering.
9 numbers and one that answered and he text her where he was and street name. She then sent price list.

Another red flag back Xmas time I seen a message to his friend. (We were having bathroom done and his friend said his son was on the way to fix the plumbing with a box of Johnny’s as he said I was home) to his reply no need she’s on the pill.

I’ve brought this up this morning also after keeping it to myself and said how disgusting and disrespectful that was banter about your wife is not on !!
what a horrible situation x

Yes, full house will be;

Sex addiction
Depression
Stress
Not enough or varied enough sex - that's a good one cause that's indefinable and different by person & impossible to quantity

Funnily enough they never say "I want to fuck more than one woman but I also want the advantages of a monogamous relationship".

"I think you should stick to monogamy but not me".

9 plus one that answered at the top

Actually full house will be the swearing on the kids lives that he never had sexual contact with any of the prostitutes on his phone, and never will.

Good thing that type of swearing is meaningless.

You've done nothing wrong. You don't own this now, he does. He will try every trick going in succession, until one works to make you think you're over reacting, you are not.

Stop taking calls from his mate, who he's got doing his dirty work for him, and take the app off your phone where you can monitor his blood pressure. Let him worry about that, not you. This is not your dirty secret to keep, you can be honest with his mother and his Priest about what he's done, tell who you need to tell in order to get the real life support that you need.

Pick some choice phrases from the bible to repeat at him when he comes out with his shit, and do what you need to do.

Thank you for your kindness
this made me laugh and smile so thank you.
sure the holy water will go on fire off him.
Your right leave his pal to it and his mum now not my problem.
just my poor kids. I got out this morning and took the baby to the park and walked so I feel much better in myself.

One step at a time OP, you'll get where you need to be. The kids will be ok, you will be ok. Yet wherever he goes, there he will be, knowing what he's done and feeling the ramifications.

His mum just messaged me saying she’s been on the phone to him, he’s in a bad way but he’s talking was like well thanks for taken that burden of me I can focus on my own emotions. Am a strong soul my kids will be my back bone.
Said she would call me later but I need just focus on me for the next few days and get my head around stuff. Haven’t smoked for 15 years and am smoking 5 a night. How on Earth do you get over a broken marriage and heart break. Am a grown women 34 and I’ve never experienced pain of this level. X

First of all, stop smoking. That's fucking ridiculous and will not help anything, no matter how bad you feel Throw the disgusting cancer sticks away. Your kids need a healthy mum.

Secondly, I wouldn't depend on your MIL for continued support. She will put her son first, always.

Thirdly, you will get through this and you will be so much better off for it. It will just take some time, going one day at a time.

he’s in a bad way

He's in a bad way lmfao.

What about you?
Where's his concern for your devastation, your mental health, your stress, your responsibility for his kids while under all that.

Frankly, it's unlikely he never met a prostitute and even if he didn't; how exactly would he be feeling towards you if he'd caught you messaging/phoning 9 male escorts?? Would he be all committed and pandering to you telling him you (having been caught, bit not before) now think you have mental issues, that you're feeling suicidal, that you're in a bad way, for him to look at your heart monitor boo boo fkg hol. I doubt he'd be pandering to a second of it ....

You'd be being called all the slut/slapper/mental case/degenerate/bitch/sick/unfit mother etc of the day.

It sure is stressful for these fuckers when their two lives collide, poor wee pets.

I think one of them blamed his partner (who posted on here) for looking and finding out; it was her fault that she'd found out, everything wouldve been ok if she hadn't nosied/looked.

Cheating is wrong. Let's get that clear from the start. However I'm always amazed at (usually) women who don't have regular sex yet are hurt when their partner seeks it elsewhere.

Sex is an important component of marriage and for many people an important part of life. If you go off it, odds are very high your partner will get it somewhere else. IMO the relationship doesn't die when one partner cheats, but long before that, when the other allows sex to dry up.

Or the men you mention could grow up and discuss their sex life with their partner then decide to leave the relationship if they aren't happy with the frequency of sex, rather than cheating or in this case paying sex workers who they cannot know aren't coerced, abused, trafficked etc.

Also they've got a child under 2. Having sex a few times a month at that stage really isn't that unusual at all.

I started off by saying cheating is wrong. My post wasn't about condoning cheating. I'm just pointing out the almost invariable progression of a relationship where sex dries up.

Ah sorted then. Women must not have children so men can get all the sex they want. Got it.

You do know that many people manage to have am active sex life even with a child 'under 2 years old', don't you?

Cheating is only an invariable progression of sex 'drying up' if someone is willing to cheat and too cowardly to end the relationship in which they aren't happy with the frequency of sex.

IMO the relationship doesn't die when one partner cheats, but long before that, when the other allows sex to dry up.

You said cheating is wrong but this line very strongly places the responsibility for the death of the relationship on the shoulders of the cheated on party not on those of the cheater 🤷🏻‍♀️

And having sex a few times a month when you have a child under two isn't 'allowing sex to dry up'. It's not unusual at all.

You do know that many people manage to have am active sex life even with a child 'under 2 years old', don't you?

I'm sure many do, but many don't. The frequency OP mentioned is not unusual for people with kids that age at all.

You said cheating is wrong but this line very strongly places the responsibility for the death of the relationship on the shoulders of the cheated on party not on those of the cheater

Not really. Acknowledging the natural progression of action and consequence, isn't necessarily condoning the consequence.

For example, if you leave valuable on your dashboard, they're probably going to get stolen. To acknowledge that isn't condoning theft. It's merely recognising what would invariably follow after a certain action.

Obviously. My point is I wasn't saying - as the PP pretended I was - that women must not have children so men can get all the sex they want.

What a load of rubbish, sunglasses don't have a conscious mind, they do not have the ability to avoid being stolen - men do, or are you saying men cannot control themselves and do not have the capability of stopping themselves being 'stolen'