His mortgage application with OW landed on my doormat!

[Theonlywayisup1]

I was with my ex fiancé for 10 years, long story short 12 weeks before our wedding he went cold and distant. He swore there was no one else…of course he was shagging someone from work! But he never told me, kept her a secret from everyone, kept messaging me daily saying how he wanted to sort things out, I’m his soulmate blah blah. A month ago I found out he’d been with her since before we separated, has been with her for over a year, all whilst telling me the most elaborate network of lies.

Today a letter addressed to him & her landed on my doormat. I opened it to find details of the house they have bought and all mortgage details! We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why! I have started to see someone new, and he can’t understand why seeing this has upset me. Should it bother me that he’s lived this double life and seems to have committed to her so quickly? I’m confused if I’m being unreasonable for this upsetting me?

@Theonlywayisup1

There is no confusion. You can try to justify it - but having opened it by mistake (let’s go with it) - after seeing the first line of the letter, you should have stopped reading. As information was private and not for you.

If you want to stoop to his level and try to hurt him back - it’s your right. Just don’t make it as some sort of civil responsibility that you have. You don’t.

@MMmomDD

She does have a personal responsibility (to safeguard her own interests) to make the mortgage company aware that he doesn't live at her address though, surely? As her address is now associated with an application she has nothing to do with?

OP lives alone in her own home.

Why wouldn't she automatically open a piece of post without looking at the name on the front?

I do. I bet most people do.

I'd do exactly the same as you. If post comes through my door I open it. This happened to me when I bought my last house, the previous owner was trying to use my address to set up a new company, loans and all. God knows what would have happened if I didn't open the letters. HMRC agreed!

As far as I am aware "Being a Nosey Parker" is not a prosecutable offence.

There would be hardly anyone living outside of prison walls if it was.

@monsteramunch

She is within her rights to write on the envelope NOT THIS ADDRESS - and return the letter to post office to be returned to sender.
But to call a lender and discuss details of another person’s application she got by ‘accidentally reading it’ - isn’t her right or obligation.
And broker can not engage in discussions with her anyway.

Imagine if all the people who thought we wronged them could call up our financial institutions, or employers and raise whatever concerns they had about us - made up or real.

Main point is - OP needs to move on.

Do whatever you need to protect yourself - if you think this application somehow puts you at financial risk. But this is a different issues - Vs revenge OP is motivated by atm.

I love your username - subtle!

<thumbs up>

I returned half a dozen letters addressed to someone I had never heard of, all clearly from a car insurance company. I sent the sixth back unopened, at my expense, with a covering letter saying they needed to check the address. When the seventh arrived I opened it and it was an urgent reminder that the person's car insurance had expired. A look in the phone book showed that someone with the same surname, different initial, lived in my road at a house number exactly 10 more than mine, so I went and knocked. 'Oh God', said the woman who answered the door, 'that's my ex-husband - he's such a knob! Thanks for this. I'll sort it out'.

She is within her rights to write on the envelope NOT THIS ADDRESS - and return the letter to post office to be returned to sender.

Which is why I literally said she should make them aware he doesn't live at her address. A not at this address return is the ideal way to do this.

But to call a lender and discuss details of another person’s application she got by ‘accidentally reading it’ - isn’t her right or obligation.

I'm not sure where you've got the idea I suggested she call them and discuss anything? I said she should make them aware he isn't at that address. A not at this address return is the obvious way of doing this.

Nowhere have I suggested she calls them?

@monsteramunch "Nowhere have I suggested she calls them?" - if I was potentially involved, I'd call them like a shot.

I wouldn’t just return to sender. I work somewhere where we get lots of return post, and quite often the volumes mean some get missed. Call the mortgage broker, and tell them the person on the envelope does not live there, and demand they remove your address from their records immediately. Sounds very suspicious, and that he may be using your home as he might have bad credit issues at his current address.

@monsteramunch

I was referring to what OP was saying, not what you were suggesting.
OP has been talking about what her ex said (claimed) in his mortgage applications and her need to let the lender know he is lying - he lives with parents Vs renting; his job is being investigated - Vs claiming it’s stable; etc

Return the letter as wrong address - by all means. But the moment she calls and attempts to discuss details of his application - it crosses the line.
And she only got those details by creasing the line herself.

And again - it’s not the main issue. She and the ex have been broken up for a year - at least. She is still driven by vengeance. Not healthy or good for her.

love your username - subtle!

<thumbs up>

Thanks @Emotionalsupportviper 😉

I would absolutely call the mortgage lender and tell them the ex does not live at the OP’s address and has no financial ties with that property at all.

many years ago, being angry and vindictive paid off for me as I opened a letter addressed to ex, discovering he had fraudulently remortgaged my house for three times the original mortgage amount!

i would absolutely call the mortgage company, clarify ex does not and has not lived at your address for however long and has never ever had financial ties to your home. And follow it up with an email.

fuck being nice and taking the highroad and shit. Ensure your ass is covered and your ex is not committing fraud under your name/with your assets.

The amount of self righteous people arguing the law over a letter on this thread is hilarious

You don't have to defend yourself op. All normal people upon receiving their cheating ex's mail with the OW's name to their address would open it.

I would consider logging an online report with police about possible fraudulent use of your address. I had to do this when exh used my address for mortgage application with ow, bank were informed by police and the whole horrible mess was sorted very quickly.

I'm afraid that some people have nothing better to do with their time than post a load of wank on social media about stuff they know nothing about.

I would concentrate on what preserves legal rights to the existing home (if it is owned) and to the other home they own jointly and which is for sale. By all means tackle the alleged fraud but do not do anything that makes the things that really matter and do it bit by bit, ideally after taking legal advice.

If they are not married just living together then legal advice still may be wise as a least one property is in joint names and my be 50% shares or a different shareholding and some unmarried couples contribute to eg the home where they live and build up an equitable interest in it. So part of the separation will be working out those issues and ideally having them fully settled by agreement which is binding.

I have no judgment of OP and would have done the same.

But find the MN armchair lawyers infuriating so will always correct them!

You were lucky my friends ex did this on the house paid off some of OW mortgage. She didn't open his post . By the time she found out he had done this he hadn't paid HMRC their companies tax either. HMRC to be fair were lovely and said it happens a lot . Sadly she lost the house and car despite selling furniture etc . He went abroad with OW and bought an eaterie and bar. She and daughter were left homeless.

So yes cover yourself whether it be mortgage, credit card or the taxman

Absolutely cover yourself OP. DH and I got a visit from the bailiffs looking for the previous owners of our flat around 6 months after we moved in. It turns out that “Jack” hadn’t paid council tax at various properties across the city for a decade. Around a year after we bought the flat DH accidentally opened a letter for “Jack” and “Sarah” that showed they had skipped out on a property they had been renting in a different county without paying the gas and electricity bills and had never declared that they no longer owned our flat.

Thankfully as we live in Scotland the laws are different and the bailiffs were never allowed to enter the property. We were able to prove ownership and that the unpaid bills were nothing to do with us and we heard nothing further.

Bailiffs wouldn’t be able to enter a property here for a debt against someone that doesn’t live there.

@RedRosette2023 bailiffs can be intimidating not believing a new tenant. As a landlord I've opened post for a tenant who's flitted just to check. I've had to contact council, gas and electric suppliers. I've even seen credit card debts from folks that have never lived at the address and we're talking about 20 years I've owned the property. One tenant female used her mum and dad divorced to run up debts stating they lived there. That's awful dumping your parents in the doodoo.

I was once weirdly dumped in it by a supposed friend who put her gas, electric, rates, telephone in my name.

@justasking111
yes they can be intimidating. I have had them at my door before (not for me but previous tenants in a house I’ve bought) and it’s not idea. It’s hard proving a negative sometimes too - ie that you’re not someone and people shouldn’t have to show their tenancy agreements etc to a stranger.

Update. The lender was very happy to hear from me, and yes he has used my address fraudulently on his mortgage application. Looks like he has also been applying for car insurance using my address too as there have been credit searches on my name. They took it very seriously and have been great to ensure that my address has no connection to him moving forwards.

To those stating that opening post that comes through your letterbox, addressed to an ex, please do open and check! Cheeky git didn’t get away with it this time, but certainly would of if I hadn’t of acted.