If you think your partner doesn’t have time for an affair, think again

[toooldforthisshite]

They will find a way. Even the most seemingly gentle, respectable guy, you know, the one who everyone says ‘he would never’. They do.
They will invite their side bit to their work during work hours if necessary to avoid having to make excuses as to why they are late home. They will wait for you to fall asleep then start chatting to her. They will delete every message they receive or send.

I think this is a very healthy attitude to have. I don’t think either extremes of 1. Putting them on a perfect pedestal or 2. being chronically bitter and suspicious are psychologically healthy at all.

No. Not true.

But I am very sorry for what you're going through. And I do agree that if someone is in a powerful sex haze, they'll find time.

What exactly is your post for? Doesn't look like you are sharing any actual information looking for advice or to get the weight off your shoulders.

Even if I cheated and my partner wouldn't ever know, I'D KNOW. It is not in me, I would never be unfaithful. Yes. I do know this 100%.

Applying your logic, anyone is capable of anything (murder for instance), given the right circumstances. Correct? So we should all never be 100% trusting of our partners?

OP isn’t saying all men cheat. She’s saying the people who think it couldn’t happen on the basis their partners wouldn’t have time are wrong

Only if he's cheating with an old banger. His idea of an exciting weekend is in the garage trying to rebuild some old car. (We spent a fair bit of our early relationship working on my car together). Women don't feature high on his wants, cars and most things mechanical or the allotment maybe but not women, he has always actively avoided spending time with women (other than family).

Ex cheated all the time, and i semi knew about it. Current DH I would trust with my life. There are decent men out there who won't be tempted.

Having been with the Military and having known 1000s of men, i know of less than a handful that didn't have an affair. Even the real family men, the ones that you would never suspect, will stray if they have the chance.

Absolute generalisation.

People only have affairs when they are missing something or aren't happy in their current relationship. I've been with my husband 18 years, I've never wanted to or contemplated cheating because I already have what I want. I married a decent man and trust him, of course anyone can cheat but if you are both what one another wants and have a good relationship why would you throw it away on some random floozy?

Sorry you are hurting but not all men are like this, many are decent blokes in happy faithful relationships.

Having an absolute surfeit of brothers, male friends, male colleagues… while they don’t all cheat, the percentage of them which have, quite openly at times on nights out, would shock people (Mumsnet, anyway). Way beyond just the majority. Really, really depressing.

I think it makes some people feel better to try to make others doubt their partners and I find that both strange and a bit nasty really. Whatever gets then through I suppose. 😬

People only have affairs when they are missing something or aren't happy in their current relationship

Hard disagree. Some people cheat because they’re pissed, because it’s easy, and because they’re safe (away from home, etc).

Yep! 100% some people just don't want to imagine it. I can't blame them.

When I started work I worked in an office that was entirely female and would say that it was pretty normal there for the women to be having extra marital sex (wouldn't go as far as affairs it tended to be casual sex). Working in various organisations with largely female staff it was common, office parties were musical beds.
Maybe I'm a prude but I've never really considered it normal behaviour but for many it does seem to be. So while I'd say that affairs and casual sex occurs more than I'd thought it wasn't a men thing.

Utter rubbish! I've worked in two industries where affairs are undeniably rife. My head was never turned. I love and respect my husband with all my heart and am not interested in a pale imitation. I'm now much older and menopausal and have trouble just keeping up with him in the bedroom. Even the thought of making an effort with another bloke is just exhausting and simply not on my radar! Been together for 22 years.

I also know that whilst I can't be 100% certain that he feels the same, I know how he feels about affairs. We've also had a frank conversation about honesty if one of us feels our heads are turning. I choose to trust my husband and will continue to do so despite your protestations that I'm an idiot. Some people DO have a moral compass, sorry your man didn't.

You may speak for yourself but you certainly don't speak for everyone.

I can assure you that I have never cheated and are 100% certain I never would. I despise cheaters and cheating. It's despicable.

I love my DH and respect him and you don't cheat on someone you love and respect. I also have morals.

My ex cheated on me when I was heavily pregnant. He denied it and I believed him. Found out 3 years later he did cheat as she had his child 🤣 Jeremy Kyle life that was.

OP isn’t saying all men have affairs. She’s saying to those people who post regularly and dismiss possibility of an affair, that’s it’s possible. Same for those who post saying not all men would do that etc, those men can have affairs too. Of course not 100% of men have affairs, that’s not what the poster is saying

Absolutely.

Humans shouldn't be monogamous. Yet we place that rule upon ourselves.

I had a manager once, but full of himself. His partner also worked in the same department (different managers). She was also a bit full of herself. They were ‘very much together’ & engaged etc

As soon as she had to work abroad in the US for a month he was taking one of the young office contractors (early twenties, had a habit of going to parties wearing a belt) back to their house for nights at a time. All came to an end when his partner came home none the wiser…they are now married with kids.

It’s unfortunate your partner cheated OP but many people are in happy faithful relationships

I am so sorry you went through that, what a difficult hurdle to have to face while also dealing with the pain of bereavement

There are some people who have so little interest in sex or relationships they simply wouldn't bother. I think if you've got one of these, you can be quietly confident. But generally I'd never say never. All a person's great love for you tells you is that they have the capacity to love. Not that it will always be you they love. If all that feeling and desire was sparked by someone new, all the loyalty they give to you now could easily transfer, and they'd lie to you for the person more important to them.
That's not to say live life in a state of insecurity, rather don't get so complacent you overlook the signs.

My uncle was having an affair with their bridesmaid for over 20 years....also his wifes best friend!!! Unfortunately where there is a will they will find a way.

Yep. Local dentist hired the OW as his receptionist. His poor wife walked in on lunch time hanky panky in the back office.