Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Garysmum Thanks for taking my post in the spirit it was intended.

What shows as growth is being able to recognise emotionally unavailable men and knowing they can't meet your needs and so ending things rather than hoping they may change.

I do think there are a lot of men on the apps who don't actually know what they want so dive into dating and then realise its not actually for them. Plus of course for some its an ego boost.

It truly is like looking for a needle in a haystack🫤

@CheesecakeAddict agree with others - unmatch him. Hope you're OK 🤗

Date last night was good. Chatted easily and found him attractive. He's younger than I'd usually go for and not as confident (aka cocky) as I'd normally go for but he still broached doing it again at the end of the date 😁 He's suggested we go for a meal or something next time as he reckons he can do better than a lemonade 😆 Not sure if it has potential of going anywhere as currently our kid free time at weekends clash however he's very local so meeting midweek for the odd drink here and there should be easier. We have loads in common and turns out we even grew up round corner from each other. There were so many similarities with our lives that I will call him Mr Snap 😆

Once you start having good boundaries and trying to choose wisely, the pool becomes very small indeed

this is why im not venturing back on yet !

I’m scared 😱 of dating with boundaries

I have a copy of that books !! I’d offer to lend it bit Ive highlighted so many parts it’s embarrassing !!!!

Slothmomma

that sounds like a really nice date

Had a little bit of a drunken chat (sob) with a friend last night after being told by someone else that basically all the good guys are married now (I'm early 30s) so I won't meet anyone.

@CheesecakeAddict early thirties is nothing. Definitely there will be eligible men out there with less perceived baggage compared than say 40/50

Yep as someone who has become single on my 50’s the pickings are very very slim.

Most of the men my age either look 70 or the decent looking ones are players.
I was very lucky to have an amicable divorce and to still be on good terms with my ex do my baggage is pretty small. Sadly seems a lot out there have more baggage than Heathrow

CheesecakeAddict

people chat a lot of shit

and this thread whilst honest doesn’t always inspire hope !!!!

hang tight x I’m sure the date cancel was a bit dispiriting though

Pickings were pretty slim on the female side as well, most had not had amicable divorces and had, trust and confidence issues, which TBH made them pretty difficult to date and not particularly good partners in the longer term

Hi, new to this!

had a first date at the weekend (took weeks to organise as he is busy). Went very well, both agreed we had a good time. He has been in touch since and vaguely mentioned a ‘next time’- but not actually asked or arranged anything. If he was interested, would he be more keen to get date 2 lined up? Do I throw this one back?

@farthingwood5 through my experience, I'd say he's not interested enough.

most had not had amicable divorces and had, trust and confidence issues

sigh
im def 2/3

also I put my hand up as im sure I’ve hurt men along the way too
not intentionally , but I’m sure I have - it’s the nature of the beast
I suspect I 💔 my ex as much as he did mine

the rocky road to ‘love’ is tricky for both genders

@farthingwood5 Message him and say “you mentioned doing this again and I would like to, when are you free?”

If nothing comes of it, fair enough.

I'm trying so hard not to get too attached or get my hopes up about MrLocal
It's hard when you've been pissed about and f'd over so many times before
I'm sure a lot on this thread can relate .

Been messaging a guy for a few days and wasn’t really feeling it plus a couple of things he said didn’t sit right with me - so sent him a very polite message saying I think we’re looking for different things but I wish him well.
Got back a messaging saying I’m a f**ling time waster who is only looking for attention to boost my ego and good luck wasting other mugs time.

Well that’s a red flag if I ever saw one - glad my gut proved me right with him.

Lucky escape there!! 😥

I had this exact same thing earlier this week, did the same as you and told the guy I wasn't feeling it
His reply "there's nothing to feel, you fkn weirdo"
Charming!

Aww I'm hoping it carries on going as well as it has been!! But yes I'd be the same,.when a good one comes along it can't be hard to believe. Hopefully the good times you have together will help to allay your fears. Got everything crossed for you!

Well the trail with Ms East petered out, after a weekend where app reply's took a day from her we chatted about a date and then she messaged me the next day to say she didn't feel the connection. I wished her well in her search and she did likewise. Like it says on the thread header don't over invest early on.
Anyway since then the floodgates have opened!!!
I'm juggling conversations and have 2 firm dates for the weekend 😮
Just as well I'm not working full time at the moment 😂

Barmy. 😬

qqq82

remember that (a) if you split you WILL survive
(b) did the guys that messed you about show red flags 🚩- I’m sure they did

maybe it time (as the therapist say !) to be vulnerable , you are investing time and emotions here so maybe check where you are both at ?

Got back a messaging saying I’m a fling time waster who is only looking for attention to boost my ego and good luck wasting other mugs time.

god he wasn’t he having a happy self esteem day was he ! Jesus

this is why I go quiet or 👻

no matter how strong you are nasty messages like that are hurtful

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Just woke up to a message from MrNoEffort
'I'd love to suck your feet and cum on your face' (didn't even know he had a foot thing)
Unbelievable
Can I block and delete on WhatsApp without opening the message ?
What a waste of an otherwise fine specimen of a man he is

Things still going well with MrLocal. So nice to have someone treat me with respect.

he sounds horrid!
yes, open WhatsApp, don’t click on the message,
right swipe it a bit until “more” comes up. Click on more
click on contact info
scroll down to block contact