Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hopeful22

im yet to see a woman who’s mastered

Sorry !
mastered the casual dating situation

and for those than can / please tell us how 🙂

emotions always come into it

ive had two such flings and I’ve also struggled with the seperation of feelings and the sex

also the fact they can run so hot and cold

im trying to assess myself as one the one hand I’m not very available , on the other hand I’m finding the FWB somewhat transactional

i do stand by the fact that men have their own issues to handle and often when they have their own stresses they go quiet 🤫

women can tend to assume the very worse and oftentimes it’s because they are having a dip, stressed , depressive

its challenging to say the least

Morning, quick update before work beckons.
Ms old friend is on Saturday, strictly friends.😆

I have a new iron, let's call her Ms. Iceberg, we've been chatting since Friday, not really stopped since. I can sense a FWB situation developing. We're meeting soon to share an afternoon tea platter and maybe more.😉
I've met her off the apps. 😮

I think I'm going to have to up my vitamin juicing intake, I think Harry's harem is growing. There's not enough to go around.

Just a note on the FWB, I think, feelings become involved sooner or later. Men compartmentalize differently. The sex chemicals Dopamine and oxytocin can be quite a heady mix to control in the early days. Beware.😊
Normally if someone goes quiet there's either someone else or the connection just wasn't quite as intense for the other party.

Just stick with it, everyone will meet someone, whereby the sex and chat are great. Not just one or the other.

Hello @SpringIntoChaos ! Looks promising with Mr Charlie Boy and Mr Red. Do you have a fave between those 2 irons? Have you arranged dates with both already? Let’s not waste time talking about Mr Farm…🙄…hopefully you didn’t date him much and he didn’t make any impression on you

Agree with you and I could really not do hook ups either. I think @Hopeful22 needs to let this go completely. The guy took the relationship as a hook up because that is what it was. Now he has moved on and I think that’s fair. Being nice on the phone a few days means nothing when from the start the relationship was a hook up. It would be nice of him to say lovely having met you but let’s move on and mingle now but ghosting at this stage is less confrontational I guess

Off the apps… where did you meet?

You do seem to be having a lot of luck with the ladies, don’t spread yourself too thin. 😂

Re the FWB situation I don’t agree, I think women compartmentalise too but I do understand it’s tricky when you are being intimate with someone.

Little reflection here. I am really content with my month off men issues. Unfortunately MrEx is very sick but also very detached and I feel very detached too. So we have both gone in our separate caves. I feel relief every day that goes by without any more drama. I fear I’ve reached a point of no return. Sadly. I will probably be on the apps end of summer. But right now, I am loving no man time. Focused on training and healthy living and my work and family&friends.
It’s the first time I am quiet on the men front for ages as I went from separation with exh directly to Mr Ex and briefly into OLD when we broke up for 8 months.
I really think having some time to yourself with 0 hassle is great 😊

PinkIdentity

I keep saying this ‘I’m going to be single and just enjoy being single ‘ then I get bored or horny and the apps lure me back

but I’m going to try this for may and see how I get on
i need to focus on home life also and lose that wine belly I’ve developed

in terms of FWB
with newiron it got very transactional
I want a bit more F with my B I realise
id go round there and he’d have my clothes off in less than a minute !!!

I was accosted minding my own business. Virtually kidnapped.😆
Yes, the compartmentalization has two parts. The heart and the head. Once the heart melts the head goes too despite all attempts at rationality.
That's what I believe.

Have a great free man month Worsy. I really think you can still have a love relationship and not sex with someone nice who is also busy with kids so he understands your situation. I’ve been telling you for yonks you need more support and care than just sex and I keep thinking this. 😘😘

After another weekend of inactivity, despite plenty of swiping on my side, I've deleted Bumble again. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I know I'm completely impatient and maybe have unrealistic expectations, but it just doesn't seem to click for me.

Maybe it's my location, age, profile, whatever- it's just not working for me.

I need to get a life. Set myself some personal goals. I'm just so tired of managing my work, running a household, child raising alone now.

I actually just want someone to make me a cup of tea in the morning, once in a while. Be taken care of a bit.

Is that selfish? How often do we think about what I can offer a partner, instead of what can a partner bring to my life?

Wail. I give up. Maybe I'll try again in the Autumn (aware I said the same for the Spring!)

Taking on board your perspective and approach, I'm glad you're in a good place and enjoying your peace. I need this mindset x

There's nothing wrong in wanting a meaningful and emotional connection. Completely natural x

Fifthie, really, take some time off. Work on yourself. Exercise and get super healthy…love your body and yourself. Then go back refreshed to OLD. It’s good to stop and no…there is no FOMO about it. If there’s a meaningful relationship to come out of OLD for you…it will happen

Just throwing it out there though, don’t you think it’s easier not get an emotional connection? As in then you can enjoy someone’s company and sex whatever but without the complications of feelings? The head can always override the heart, it’s just about self discipline.

I quite like the idea of having a life where everything is in neat compartments and no upset or hurt feelings.

5th
I need to get a life. Set myself some personal goals. I'm just so tired of managing my work, running a household, child raising alone now

oh my god are you me 😂
you know what I’ve realised right now the ONLY thing that will cheer me up and keep me sane and healthy is exercising in nature
and Its spring so that’s at least an incentive

PinkIdentity

I agree actually and thanks xx

Esmejane81

if only !
But the better the sex , the more you feel connected
ah pillow talk , sharing a bit in a post orgasmic haze
travelling home and all oxytocin 🥰

and then you are connected but NOT connected In actuality

that’s how it happens for me anyway

@Thisisworsethananticpated so have your FWB situations been successful or does one of you always end up with feelings?

Or do you set boundaries so you don’t get too invested?

Esmejane81

to be honest I think that our real lives and stresses come into play
men and women both
theoretically it should be possible

but throw in some real life knarly issues and then it’s almost impossible to have weekly ‘fun’ and not discuss real life stuff like parents dying , redundancy , illness etc
Or to see each other and be all hot and sexual when you both have this shit going on in the background ?

its strange to navigate

Oi!!!! I meant HOT SEX …not NOT SEX…typo…Hot sex and support and caring and yes ❤️ LOVE

So relieved to find y'all!
Worsy wine belly here too!
Since no contact from MrWoz have been overdoing the grape.

Oh I like this thread.
I’m not OLD at the moment. Had 6 months on match, 1 date from it that didn’t turn into anything. Then met someone IRL, had a sort of FWB arrangement but I fell for him
and started feeling unimportant so that all ended.
Was going to give myself a break but I actually enjoy dating. Thinking of trying Elite Singles… has anybody used this?

Thanks for the advice , I thought because the fWB situation was my idea thar I was in control somehow , but it seems now that he has flipped it and now I'm the one who is wondering whats going on .... I just feel so stupid for getting sucked in , like reading back on our previous messages, he seemed so nice ! He was the one always sending those kissing emojies and saying how he wished we were together having wine or watching a movie , I must be just really niave... I didn't think he was the type to just literally switch any feelings he had just off , like a switch , it still doesn't make any sense to me !!
I know I just need to forget about him but it's harder than I thought... 🙄