Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

How are you Vanilla?

Just read reviews of elite singles and they’re awful. Now thinking bumble and with the paid you can go incognito so only the people you like can see your profile.

any experiences of this. I’ve got quite a high profile job 😬

I think you may be overthinking it a bit. Everyone uses the apps from CEO's to 21 year olds, so unless you're like a recognisable celeb- then maybe use Raya
Elite singles was rubbish for me personally.

I know I can't do FWB and primarily due to my upbringing. I tried it once and just felt so much shame and guilt and the guy turned out to be such an arrogant tosser. I was going through a very stressful home rebuild and he did NOT care one bit. I didn't expect him to get involved , but he wasn't even interested in my builder woes and the beginning of the week where I didn't have a kitchen, I met up with him and he regaled me about how his cook had just made a really nice dinner and I thought wow, he couldn't even offer to give me left overs. I would definetely do that for a friend! From his initial chatty texts, they dwindled to curt messages about meeting next - and he always had to rush after we had DTD because he travelled so much/had to see his children/ insert any random excuse/

I didn't even super fancy him yet i allowed him to treat me so badly. Imagine if I caught feelings?! I think( I know this is a generalisation here,) men do treat casual relationships in a very disposable type of way and always on the look out for what else is out there..

I did the same when I dated. Went incognito so avoided being bombarded by unsuitable guys. Best wishes

Is it normal to " run out". I've only been on it a day and despite a 14 year age gap filter and a distance of 30 miles there have been a pretty limited number of men. And out of those men many didbt even fall into the filters. WhT are we paying for of I've exhausted the small handful of potential candidates after one bloody day ?

Thx not great.
We live near each other (less than a mile, but city) and have loads of friends in common but not run into each other in the 7 weeks since we last lmessaged.
He travels s lot for work at the moment and I assume he is also staying away from usual haunts to avoid me.
Yesterday while driving my (distinctive) car (he is s car buff and not many of mine on the road) I saw him stopped by the (other) side of the road (on his bike) intensely on his phone. Very suntanned.
I think he may have see my car from a distance when I turned thr the corner and do that to avoid eye contact.
It is all insanely absurd.
So grateful for my tribe here

This is exactly the problem I had on Bumble.

I extended my search to 50 miles but this didn't improve matters, and 50 miles does really feel like too far anyway.

I just couldn't find many men within a 25 mile radius between ages of 34-50 that I wanted to swipe right on - and even fewer matches as a result. I was receiving very few likes too - and some from people 100s of miles away which felt a bit pointless. Maybe I gave up too soon over a busy BH weekend but it was beginning to get me down so I'm leaving it for now, until my enthusiasm, patience and optimism returns.

I feel like Tinder and Bumble just won't work for me in my area. Hinge is too quiet. Match has passed it's sell by date. At a loss really.

Match is the one I'm.on

Claims that 2.4 million people have found partners on their site but then all I get is bombarded by a 24 year old and a few people who live in towns I've never heard of. Makes no sense. I've got 2 weeks to cancel so I probably will. This " service " isn't worth the 60 quid it costs fir 6 months.

Hi OLDers, I signed up to Hinge for a month (then was really busy so didn't interact with anyone for a week) Sat down on Saturday and liked a couple of people and got a like back pretty quickly. Had a chat and arranged to go out on Saturday with Mr painter-of-walls-not-pictures.
Am a bit worried now he might be a no-show and should have a few more irons...what are your thoughts?
Is it easy to chat to a few people, I feel a bit weird opening the app whilst already having a date pencilled in!

Quick update. Ms. Iceberg and I had our first phone call, it went well. I do talk a lot, managed to talk so much that we're meeting next week to begin our FWB arrangement. We also began sexting, we're on the same page.
I wish it was earlier but my work schedule is crazy-ville this week and the beginning of next week.

VanillaSox

I’m sorry
that must have been so painful

xxx

Harrypewter

I hope the chemistry 🧪 is there for the rl meeting !

It will be. No intro drinks, just straight to the room for afternoon and night fun.😏

Harrypewter

I’m VERY curious to see how this pans out

wont you need at least a nerve calming drink ??
ivr had a couple of these and had to neck two large wine 🍷

ah the memories 😂🙄

It’s very funny seeing this from a male perspective

I'm sure we'll chat before the day arrives. Tbh, we've been messaging each other with chit-chat and sexting since Friday evening. No signs of awkwardness or slowing down.
I'm not a fan of alcohol and sex, can't feel anything.
No, I'm not nervous at all. There'll definitely be some anticipatory feelings but sheer nerves. No.

Really confused about the double threading, but checking in anyway!

Vanilla…this is teenager behaviour really. You’ve shared a lot, have friends in common, go to same places…seriously…you guys need to HAVE A CHAT and take it from there. Summer is round the corner and you are bound to bump into each other and just get all awkward. I don’t know how you see this but he’s unlikely to budge. Would you not send him a message just for closure’s sake? He will have to answer to that one I reckon??

Match was awful when I dated… I lasted 2 weeks and cancelled it really. It was utter rubbish and I think some of the eligible guys were not even on the site anymore. Bumble and Hinge is what I used but bear in mind people have profile in both of them so if you wanted to save money… just do Bumble imho. I was in big city though. I don’t know how it works outside a big city

Don't worry at all…to start with people arrange multiple dates unless they click with one very intensely. Keep checking and arrange another date if you like someone else too

Re Elite Singles - two of my friends have met nice men on there. They are London/Home Counties - there may be a location bias?

Hi all, just checking in to mark my place 😊

Just saying hello again.
Recovering from yet another difficult experience. I had learnt well from previous experiences and made sure there was no rushing in, no getting over invested, the iron did all the organisation, all the chasing, lots of open conversations - I could list all the green flags and indications of emotional maturity etc on both sides. It ended abruptly with an odd message some weeks in.

I know these things happen and there is no point speculating and wasting energy on it. But I have had a really bad run of several men I have dated for 2-3 months and other than the wobble I had with Mr Blocker I have been so careful to follow the rules and go in with an open mind and caution. My friends have all be pretty shocked at how badly I have been treated - I don't think I am over-exaggerating at all to say in every case these men have been deeply unkind in the end.

I'm having a pause and more reflection. I have been through the details with a couple of good friends and a male friend and we can't work out why I am attracting these types - who appear to be good, stable, emotionally available and mature and yet underneath they are not.

Hello Lovely?? How’s it going??

Garysmum…I don’t remember whether you posted things about this iron here and what was that like for you. I am so sorry you’ve been treated badly in the end. I think when you are with someone for a few weeks and you are exclusive, you should try to be kind when you leave the other person. But I do believe very much that sometimes we try hard to make it work when in reality this other person is not right for us. The right thing is to end the relationship and not drag someone along any longer. But it must be done kindly and understand the other person is going to feel hurt.
Take this as a good thing. He was not right for you and he showed his true colours being nasty when he ended it for you.
Take the break you need if you do need it and put all this behind

Sorry to hear this. I haven’t started OLD yet because I do think that everyone just becomes disposable don’t they, so you have to have that resilience to just move on and do exactly the same. If you aren’t getting on bin them off and try the next one.

Don’t be too nice, or too tolerant, put your needs first.

All you can do is put yourself out there when you want to and sift through the sh*t ones.

(Says me who still hasn’t joined any apps 😂)