Should I ignore him or let him know how much he’s hurt me?

[FeelingSad99]

Recently come out of a situation with a guy who turned out to have had a girlfriend the whole time. He has hurt me very badly and I’m still trying to get my head around everything because there were 14 months of lies from him. I had hoped for a future with him but it was based on absolutely nothing.

We live quite near each other and frequent the same social places so it’s inevitable that we will bump into each other.

How should I play it if I see him? I’m naturally warm and friendly so I won’t be able to resist smiling and greeting him.

Do I let on to him how much he’s hurt me? He has set a grenade off in my life and that has impacted me, my emotional health, my eating, my children, etc. I really don’t want him to just think that he can treat people like that without consequences. Yet I don’t want to appear pathetic.

How would you handle it if you bumped into him or received contact from him?

Why would you smile and be nice, just ignore him or tell him to fuck off.
If he doesn't leave you alone tell him you'll let his girlfriend know.

He doesn't deserve any kindness op, none.

I certainly wouldn’t smile and greet him, I’d probably say something like “oh fuck, how unfortunate to bump into you, you cheating arsehole”.

How did he manage to keep this whole other life secret if you live near each other and move in same social circles?

I would not be doing anything more than a carefree hello. The effects this has had on you will not be of concern to him - these are not his consequences and at best by showing him how much he’s hurt you, you just feed his ego.

How would you handle it if you bumped into him or received contact from him?
Well, don't smile at him and greet him, for a start... Are you kidding?

No - just no. If you see him you turn to face the other way. If you see him walking in the street cross over. Grow some boundaries op.

Personally I think women need to stop 'being the bigger person' or ignoring men that have behaved badly and go absolutely nuclear.

They keep doing this sort of thing because they know 95% of the time we will try and walk away with our heads held high and they'll essentially get away with it - so in my opinion we need to see in a new era of unrelentlessly and publicly calling them out so it makes them think twice.

We live quite near each other and frequent the same social places so it’s inevitable that we will bump into each other
How is it possible that you he managed to keep the two of you from meeting, in that case?

He says that there have been indiscretions on both sides, when I confronted him, so presumably she already knows what he’s like.

Regarding the smiling, I don’t think I can ignore someone or be rude to someone. It’s just not my personality. To do that I would have to act and pretend to be someone else.

Regarding the smiling, I don’t think I can ignore someone or be rude to someone. It’s just not my personality. To do that I would have to act and pretend to be someone else
🙄

Why on earth would you smile and be nice to someone who lied and hurt you? This is not smart behaviour. This allows dickheads like this to get away with bad behaviour without accountability. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. He doesn’t deserve a smile, which makes him feel good about himself and feeds his ego, telling him you want more. If you give him anything, it’s a middle finger and a a cold shoulder.

Yes I was worried that it would just be an ego boost for him.

We have only been out of touch for 3 weeks. I haven’t gone out much. We don’t have mutual friends but we go to the same cinemas, theatres, etc, so the risk is there. We like all the same stuff and neither of us will want to give that up. I already know that we’re both going to the same gig in the summer because we booked it separately.

It’s just me. That’s my personality. I’m not able to be different.

The effects this has had on you will not be of concern to him - these are not his consequences

So why not make it his consequence? Tell his girlfriend and literally everyone you can what he's done. He thinks you're pathetic - so what? You think he's a disgusting cheating liar. I know what I'd rather be.

I've reached my personal peak on being mistreated by men and it's partly happened because I have been passive. Enough is enough really.

Are you joking smile and be friendly to someone who has lied and cheated. Grow your strength and don't even aknowledge this toe rag!!

Ha! I do like this idea.

I don't imagine you realise how weak you sound. There are no positives in being this way.

We live in a big city. She is in the North, he’s west, I’m south west. We go to the same places in the centre.

I haven’t bumped into them. Yet.

I'm a happy, smiling person. I'm not a mug. Mug isn't a personality.

Please stop giving this any brain space. He won’t be. Smile and walk on.

Guarantee if you kick off it will be you who comes out worse. Do you honestly think everyone is going to go ‘ooooh, he’s awful’ and not just ‘omfg, has she no pride’

You will not change his ways by doing a Shameless confrontation. You will demean yourself

I don’t want to be weak.
I’m very shy and warm/smiley.
When I encounter difficult people at work I win them over easily. I have been like this all my life.
I’m very gentle and clearly I was very naive with this guy.

Yes I hadn’t really planned on giving that vibe in person. It was more if he contacts me and asks how I’m doing. Probably I would just ignore him but I could be honest and say, actually I’m still really hurting because of the appalling way that you treated me.

Fine, I think smiling whilst giving him the finger would be more impactful anyway.
😃🖕😃

It literally doesn't make any sense. Your question was "Should I ignore him or let him know how much he's hurt me?", then you say your personality won't allow you to do anything other than smile warmly at him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Love this.