Should I ignore him or let him know how much he’s hurt me?

[FeelingSad99]

Recently come out of a situation with a guy who turned out to have had a girlfriend the whole time. He has hurt me very badly and I’m still trying to get my head around everything because there were 14 months of lies from him. I had hoped for a future with him but it was based on absolutely nothing.

We live quite near each other and frequent the same social places so it’s inevitable that we will bump into each other.

How should I play it if I see him? I’m naturally warm and friendly so I won’t be able to resist smiling and greeting him.

Do I let on to him how much he’s hurt me? He has set a grenade off in my life and that has impacted me, my emotional health, my eating, my children, etc. I really don’t want him to just think that he can treat people like that without consequences. Yet I don’t want to appear pathetic.

How would you handle it if you bumped into him or received contact from him?

Yes! This is a perfect response.

It was more if he contacts me and asks how I’m doing.

Block him…problem solved.

He won't feel sad or guilty if you tell him how much he has hurt you. He already knows that. If you tell him, he'll get off on how much he has affected you - it's what these types are like.

Please stop thinnking of him as feeling in the same way you do. He doesn't. He's the kind of person who will lie and fake for 14 months. You cannot understand him from your own point of view. You are being like a kitten thinking a crocodile won't eat you if you can only get it to understand it is painful being bitten.

Block him everywhere and blank him when you see him. Totally blank face, just ignore him and look thorugh him. He doesn't exist.

The person you thought he was never did anyway....

How about smiling and greeting him with something similar to this from Lake Placid
'Oh, hey Kevin! What's going on? What's happening? How's it goin'? How's your girlfriend? Good? That's great, it's so nice to see you. Fuck off.'

Your other thread about him is obsessive to the point of weird. Talking about his penis and his girlfriends body and analysing everything to embarrassing degrees. Find something else to do. Parent your preteens to be strong and have high standards.

What did I say about his penis??

I only remember mentioning that he lied to me and said he couldn’t get aroused with her because he didn’t fancy her physically. Obviously it was all a load of nonsense because he later admitted that he’s in a sexual relationship with her.

He was the one who was criticising her body. I don’t have a perfect body myself. Far from it.

I was analysing things because I was trying to get my head around it. My world had been rocked when I realised the past year was based on lies. I was trying to understand it. I don’t really have people in real life who I can talk to about this so was using a chat room (here) to do it. Apologies if that’s not what is expected here.

I’ve actually found this thread hugely helpful. Thank you to everyone who has contributed. I have some clarity about myself and the situation now.

on your other thread. Anyway, spare us his ‘arousal’ levels 🤢. No bloke on earth is worth this headspace after a farcical year of dates. Life is for enjoying, just focus on your kids and not some shitty man.

You’re right. Thank you.

The best way you communicate how much he has hurt you/how appalling his behaviour is is by blocking him on your phone and all social media and getting on with your life.

He doesn't get to have access to you anymore, because that's how disgusting his behaviour is. If you see him irl you ignore him because, again, that's how disgusting his behaviour is. He had lost his right to any time or attention from you, because that's how disgusting his behaviour is.

That is how you move on with dignity OP. Every time you respond to a message, or smile and ask how he is, all you're really communicating is that his behaviour isn't that bad and that you don't hold yourself in high enough value for his treatment of you to have consequences.

Yes I thought I had read this before. Isn't this the 4th thread on this?

I get it. I'm like this. All you can do is learn to move on and live your best life. Don't stop doing anything you want to do. If you bump into each other with or without partners you can greet but don't bother protecting the partner or your ex. Just well here we are. If you can't engender the anger don't fake it but you can do someone I used to know who is an all round disappointment as a human being. Just be authentic to yourself and your emotions.

He sounds terrible! Did you introduce your kids to him too? I would 100% tell his girlfriend as surely she has a right to know he string you along for over a year?

You need to give your head a good wobble.

And then look straight through him as if he wasn’t there.

You are really focused on meeting him. Like really focused. Fantasising about how you will react and behave. The very unusual how you wont be able to stop yourself smiling at him.

what’s really going on. Do you want him to still want you? Is that it?

Absolutely this 👆

This