Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……

[Mumma2Ro]

Some fake account has messaged me on instagram.
to tell me my husband paid for a prostitute when on a recent stag do in Marbella!
what the fuck do I do!?!!!!!???

Are you close to any of the other wives/partners? Could you ask her in confidence if she’s heard anything?

If not, I’d be telling my partner I knew what he did in Marbella and then just go silent. Say nothing more and see what he says.

And I’d be getting an STI test.

@Jemandthehologramsunite I agree with both you and Starlite about someone trying to give the OP a "heads up". I believe by about 85% that this message was sent by someone who either knows the OP herself, or of the OP through a close contact (most likely a partner of one of the other men in the stag party), because the sender thinks that the OP should know the truth.

I do not believe for even a moment that it was some random person who met up with the stag party and somehow managed to get so much detail about the OP and her partner - it sounds much more like a very poor excuse to keep the message sender anonymous. And if the messenger is correct in their message, then I do think that the OP has a right to know about it.

My problem with @Starlitestarbright post, was her saying:

"There's no smoke without fire"

and I apologise immediately for not making it clear that that was my problem with Starlite's comment.

I just hate it when people use that expression, as historically there have been a great many occasions when people have been accused of something that they were later found to be totally innocent of. On sad occassions that phrase 'about there being no smoke without fire' has led to the ostracisation of both adults and children, and on the very worst occassions, that belief has led to the execution of, or the suicide of, the accused. Therefore I find that belief/expression to be at the best very thoughtless and ignorant, and at worst completely cruel and sadistic.

I do not think that Starlite meant it in such a nasty way, I think it was an unthinking throwaway comment, that I hope she and anyone else will think seriously about before using in the future. My apologies again for any misunderstandings due to my lack of eloquence, I hope that I have explained my post well enough this time. Of course it is fine Jem if you still think I need to "get a grip", hopefully we can just agree to differ in an amical fashion.

Jemandthehologramsunite thankyou 🙏

TheLadyofShalott1 no I'm not young and I find your comment pretty condensing actually. It happened to my friend, someone messaged her on a fake account about her husband cheating on her with someone from work and leaving work earlier to be with her. His car had been at this girls house. It was a 100 percent true and that message gave my friend that information necessary to start looking into things ultimately she left a few months later, but her relationship had gotten worse and she didn't know why. Obviously there can be awful people out there that tell lies but op said this person knew they were away and knew personal details. It's clear this someone who is trying to give op the truth but whilst maintaining some anyomity.

I wonder if someone has a grudge against you or your DH? It could be true but it could also be a good way of causing major issues. Generally speaking, stag attendees don’t normally share the gory details of what happens on these trips with their wives.

When you confront him don’t ask him, tell him you know that he slept with a prostitute. See how he reacts. If he thinks you know more than you do he’s more likely to spill.

Yes, I agree with that.

It’s what I wished I’d done right at the beginning. I only said, look, it’s clear you did, stop lying when I couldn’t take the fake indignation and his vows to leave no stone unturned to find out who “lied” about him while not actually doing anything anymore. (Although, after almost a decade of divorce I can now look back and laugh at his pathetic performance).

I've never understood this need to tear other women down. To gloat over the fact that they've been deceived, (indeed to hope it's so); to delight in telling the news. The pretence that it's "sisterly" is bollocks.

I hope OP that this is a sick joke, but if it's not, then you and DP will work out what to next in your own way.

This is one of the most mental posts I've ever seen on Mumsnet

Why would you not confront him straight away, face to face? Sitting on it will only make it worse. If you know him inside you'll know just by his reaction that he's lying.

"Holiday destination" makes it sound as if "stag do in Marbella" is something quite civilised involving a couple of friends going sightseeing, rather than a revolting pissed-up shagathon.

I'm sorry you're embroiled in this, though.

Lots of unhinged armchair Columbos contributing to this thread. An allegation is not evidence. So far, there is no actual evidence of anything. There are many reasons why people make allegations - not all of them motivated by a desire to spread truth and justice. People are salacious gossips. People are cruel. Rule out those motives first and if what you are left with is something that might blow up a marriage, then act accordingly. But rule out the other motives first.

Why?

I don't know a single person who has been on a stag do in Marbella. I know such people exist, but they are not part of my world. The men I'm friendly with aren't the kinds of men who go on stag dos at all, never mind in scuzzy places. There's nothing mental about that.

It could also be someone who has it in for him, knows he is on a stag do and is trying to cause him problems.

I wouldn't ask directly, I'd be sneaking his phone when asleep and reading the stag group chat

I side with everyone who thinks this message came from someone much closer to OP then they let on (probably a partner of someone who knows about what OPs husband did). I can absolutely see why they would like to stay anonymous while also letting her know - some people have strong moral compass and would be bothered by this sort of knowledge, especially if OP is the only person who does not know what her husband did

Welcome. Day 1 is always enlightening.

If you dont know anyone who's been an a Marbella stag do what are you basing your opinion on? Is it something you've surveyed for some reason?

I don't know a single person who has been on a stag do in Marbella. I know such people exist, but they are not part of my world. The men I'm friendly with aren't the kinds of men who go on stag dos at all, never mind in scuzzy places. There's nothing mental about that.

It’s not the first place that springs to mind for strippers and hookers etc. For a sleazy stag do I’d be thinking more like Prague and Budapest.

@VivatVaginaCamilla have you ever been to Marbella? Not a "scuzzy" place whatsoever.

@VivatVaginaCamilla bloody judgemental comment about a holiday location too. Would you say the same about women who go to a hen do there?!

Of course I haven't. My opinion is based purely on prejudice. My view of stag weekends is also based purely on prejudice and on the vague idea that they must be just as repellent as hen weekends (which, again, I have never experienced personally).

I'd say they were probably the kinds of women who screech very loudly on the plane while drinking "fizz" and then go out wearing next to nothing when they'd be better off covered up a bit, and get revoltingly drunk and pee in doorways. That kind of thing.

Some people are just pure nasty, maybe it's a woman he knocked back !

It won't be one of the Stags

There is no random woman they met at a bar.

It's either a partner of one of the stags or her husbands mum / sister.

But Marbella isn't scuzzy! You're possibly confusing it with somewhere else?! Genuinely it's a nice place.

I don't think women do this kind of thing for shits and giggles, when my ex cheated every fucker knew and not one person told me.
I found out I was the "other women" messaged her with the times and dates, she believed him that it didn't happen and stayed.
Her decision.