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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……

500 replies

Mumma2Ro · 06/05/2023 21:42

Some fake account has messaged me on instagram.
to tell me my husband paid for a prostitute when on a recent stag do in Marbella!
what the fuck do I do!?!!!!!???

OP posts:
AnImaginaryCat · 07/05/2023 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How would money be made from this? Not that I'm.planning a career change, just can see how.

OP you're just going to have to get more information. See if the person sending the message knows more details (so you can garner how real it is) and ask him, face to face.

Hoax or real. t's unpleasant either way isn't it?

AnImaginaryCat · 07/05/2023 07:58

*can't see how

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 07/05/2023 08:01

SoShallINever · 07/05/2023 07:56

I don't get how they would get money via blackmail for this? They have already sent the information to her so he clearly didn't pay the blackmailer.

Exactly.
It makes no sense sense for it to be blackmail if the message has gone to the OP and not her DH.

I am afraid I agree with the majority here. I think you need yo confront him OP, and see what his reaction is

CorsicaDreaming · 07/05/2023 08:08

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/05/2023 07:02

OP you really need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. People get up to all sorts on holiday and everybody has a different threshold for going nuclear. It would also for me depend on how much fall out and mess there would be (joint homeownership, kids etc).

For me although obviously less than ideal I would probably turn a blind eye to a drunken snog/ random encounter on a lad's trip away. I would detonate my life ( v. comfortable house, 2 late teen DC) for a sustained affair and definitely if there was a pregnancy involved.

Agree about the STI testing , although be aware most of them won't show up if you test too soon (4-6 weeks).

Yes I agree with this - it's very easy for others to say LTB or you must get to the bottom of it all, but OP you need to decide what is best for you.

Stag Dos are bloody stupid, anachronistic and over heated - people do things on stag dos they would never do "in real life". You do not have to let this blow up your whole life. You need to think carefully about the best way forward for you. But I would still get an STI check done in a few weeks time.

What a bloody nightmare OP 💐

Are you close to any of the other girlfriends/ wives? Could you ask one of them to ask their partner?

Sunflowergirl1 · 07/05/2023 08:09

Mumma2Ro · 06/05/2023 21:52

The person messaging me has said she met them all out in a bar. And got talking to 2 of the boys (she mentions their names)
and she said she got lots of juicy stories out of them.
one being that my husband slept with a prostitute and that another one of their friends met a girl out there and had sex with her.
She calls my husband by his name and calls him the big guy.
but then she said she never actually met my husband….. so how would she know he was a big guy then!?

The reality is this is one of the group who is disgusted at his behaviour, not some random woman who wouldn't have got details enough to contact you

Beach11 · 07/05/2023 08:09

Hope it’s lies op

CorsicaDreaming · 07/05/2023 08:10

@Colourfingers2 - for what it's worth I really liked your post. And agreed it could all be a scam.
Also from the 70s and 80s. I remember the "bent as a nine bob note" phrase!

Callyem · 07/05/2023 08:13

In situations such as these, the simplest answer is usually the right answer. I agree that what you need to be doing now is deciding if this is a marriage ender or something you are willing to work through. Get your head atraight and confront your partner.

PuffinMcStuffin · 07/05/2023 08:14

I think some of the posts on here are from some readers of a different website related to male activities... p*nting perhaps.
Don't fall for it OP. Speak to your DH and trust your gut.

BlackFlyChardonnay · 07/05/2023 08:17

I reckon it's the wife of one of the others passing on what she's heard from her OH. She has a conscience (good on her) but wants to keep her name out of it.

Sorry op, but I think it sounds credible.

rainbowstardrops · 07/05/2023 08:18

'Bent as a nine bob note'! I remember that phrase too! Haven't heard it for years!!!

Did you speak to him @Mumma2Ro

Theimpossiblegirl · 07/05/2023 08:20

thegreylady · 07/05/2023 07:09

The prostitute wouldn’t bother me much whereas sleeping with random women met on holiday would definitely make me feel betrayed and angry.

Using a prostitute would bother me one hell of a lot more than a random encounter. Either would be a deal-breaker but to pay someone for sex is an entitled misogynistic act that I could never forgive.

I think someone is disgusted with his behaviour and wants you to know about it
.

Greenfairydust · 07/05/2023 08:22

Sorry OP but to me there are too many details for it to be random/fake.

Unless someone really has a massive grudge against your or your partner ( an ex?) and saw the stag as an opportunity to break you up with a fake story, the most likely explanation is that someone, either one of your partner's friends who witnessed the behaviour or their wife or girlfriend who was told the story wanting to warn you to protect you while remaining anonymous.

Confront him.

It might come to light that this is not the first time he has paid for sex workers while being with you and as others have said get yourself an STIs check.

RepublicanBecca · 07/05/2023 08:23

Mumma2Ro · 06/05/2023 21:52

The person messaging me has said she met them all out in a bar. And got talking to 2 of the boys (she mentions their names)
and she said she got lots of juicy stories out of them.
one being that my husband slept with a prostitute and that another one of their friends met a girl out there and had sex with her.
She calls my husband by his name and calls him the big guy.
but then she said she never actually met my husband….. so how would she know he was a big guy then!?

When she said she never met your husband doesn’t she just mean she didn’t talk to him? But the friend told her all about him. Before this update I thought it was a hoax by one of the stags but now I think it’s real. Sorry you had to receive a message like that. Keep us updated.

CovertImage · 07/05/2023 08:25

Northernsouloldies · 07/05/2023 06:35

Perhaps not in this instance but the phrase 'no smoke without fire " is usually used by drama merchants who love salicious gossip at someone else's expense whether it's true or not.

Thanks for saying this. I think it's one of the most obnoxious cliches about and has been a cause of injustice and violence since it was first coined

LemonjeIIo · 07/05/2023 08:25

BeetleBailey · 06/05/2023 22:25

You can accuse him of whatever you like but you have no proof other than a message from a stranger who also has no proof

Are you for real? Who's side are you on?
Regardless, she knows her husband, and knows if it's true or not

Worriedatwork1 · 07/05/2023 08:28

My partner went on a stag a few years back and told me that a number of the guys he went with did the same, including the stag who was borrowing money off them all to get more time with the girl and kicked off when my partner refused. I didn’t know any of his friends back then, but if I vaguely knew them this so the sort of thing I might have done to warn the bride of the sort of thing she was getting herself into!

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 07/05/2023 08:28

She seems to have a hell of a lot of detail…

ThankmelaterOkay · 07/05/2023 08:29

Look OP. Your DH has gone on a nice quiet, relaxing holiday with Dave, Robbo, Big Mike, Little Mike, Fingers, Dazza, Gazza, and Alexander (BIL to be, boring AF). They’ve been seeing the local sights, sitting reading their books by the pool, keeping hydrated, wearing sun screen. In the evenings they’ve been trying to local cuisine, practising the Spanish they learnt on Duolingo before they left. As a treat some nights they had a post dinner tipple, before an early night.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/05/2023 08:30

PuffinMcStuffin · 07/05/2023 08:14

I think some of the posts on here are from some readers of a different website related to male activities... p*nting perhaps.
Don't fall for it OP. Speak to your DH and trust your gut.

What on earth does this mean ?

Catsmere · 07/05/2023 08:33

Theimpossiblegirl · 07/05/2023 08:20

Using a prostitute would bother me one hell of a lot more than a random encounter. Either would be a deal-breaker but to pay someone for sex is an entitled misogynistic act that I could never forgive.

I think someone is disgusted with his behaviour and wants you to know about it
.

Show quote history

This! A prostitute essentially can’t say no. She’s not having sex with someone she fancies, she’s having to say yes however repelled she is.

sevenbyseven · 07/05/2023 08:35

If it's not a hoax, I agree it's probably either one of the other men on the stag do, or their DP.

However I'm surprised by some of the negative comments about Marbella - I thought it was lovely when I went and certainly wouldn't have any negative assumptions about someone going there on a stag or hen do 🤷‍♀️

Fedupandtiredmum · 07/05/2023 08:37

Probably not a hoax. My money is on a) one of the men who is on the stag who knows you or b) a wife / girlfriend / partner of one of the men on the stag who knows about it. Staying anonymous about it to keep themselves out of trouble.

Confront him face to face, get an STI test and go from there

CoronationKicking · 07/05/2023 08:41

He'll lie his way out of it and then cover his tracks and you'll never find out the truth. It's definitely one of the other wives letting you know

ELLAMAR00 · 07/05/2023 08:42

Sounds like someone trying to inform you but does not want to say who they are. Could be the partner of another stag or someone that was on the stag holiday themselves.

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