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Original poster

Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……

500 replies

Mumma2Ro · 06/05/2023 21:42

Some fake account has messaged me on instagram.
to tell me my husband paid for a prostitute when on a recent stag do in Marbella!
what the fuck do I do!?!!!!!???

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumma2Ro · 07/05/2023 14:02

Yes he has said the words No it is not true and no I did not sleep with a prostitute or anyone else.
I believe him so end of story. Thanks for all of you who are concerned.
for the person who said they don’t know why I bothered posting if I’m not going to investigate it….. I posted for advice and opinions. All of which I have read and all of which I have taken on board. Thank you x

OP posts:
shanksandbigfoot · 07/05/2023 14:12

His story makes absolutely no sense and a random messaging you also makes no sense. As others have said, it sounds like one of the wives or partners is trying to do you a favour but without the associated fallout of being the one to break the bad news.

Why exactly do you believe him? Is it because you want to believe him, rather than his story is really convincing? Because do you not think, on the balance of probabilities, it is so unlikely that anyone would bother to go out of their way to find the wife of one of the blokes who they were having a crack with in a bar?

Anyway, in choosing to believe him, he has got away with it. This means he is far more likely to do it in the future, confident that you'll fall for whatever (lame) excuse he gives if he does get caught out again.

Mirabai · 07/05/2023 14:18

shanksandbigfoot · 07/05/2023 14:12

His story makes absolutely no sense and a random messaging you also makes no sense. As others have said, it sounds like one of the wives or partners is trying to do you a favour but without the associated fallout of being the one to break the bad news.

Why exactly do you believe him? Is it because you want to believe him, rather than his story is really convincing? Because do you not think, on the balance of probabilities, it is so unlikely that anyone would bother to go out of their way to find the wife of one of the blokes who they were having a crack with in a bar?

Anyway, in choosing to believe him, he has got away with it. This means he is far more likely to do it in the future, confident that you'll fall for whatever (lame) excuse he gives if he does get caught out again.

The fact that the message in any way correlates with what the men did is telling.

If he’d said “we didn’t even go to bar we spent the day surfing and then went to a restaurant”

But he doesn’t deny the story in the Instagram message he acknowledges it’s at least partially true.

Dwightlovesmichael · 07/05/2023 14:28

I am glad you spoke to him OP.

The only thing that rings alarm bells for me is when people are confronted and they turn it round by saying “do you think that little of me?..” It just deflects it onto you.

None of us know you, him or your relationship though. So it’s only up to you to satisfy yourself that you believe him.

Shapemyeyebrows · 07/05/2023 14:30

@Mumma2Ro hopefully this is a case of you know full well what he did abroad but you are choosing to ignore it for the life you have which is fair enough, rather then your husband making a compete fool of you.

Susieb2023 · 07/05/2023 14:30

Argh this is painful. It’s just so hard to take rose tinted glasses off and see what’s in front of us. From an outsiders perspective this has red flags all over it.

@Mumma2Ro I know you want to believe him and I would too but I really think you should be watching your back. If this is true, it’s most likely he’ll be up to more. And you’ll need std checks.

Good luck moving forward.

CharlieBoo · 07/05/2023 14:31

Oh goodness me! Straight from the script, gaslighting you 100%. And you don’t believe him. You desperately want to, and you’ll make all the right noises and actions that look like you believe him and how sorry you are for even thinking it could be true. But deep down you know.. it’s no way to live op! Many of us have been there. It’s a miserable existence.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 07/05/2023 14:36

@Dwightlovesmichael

The only thing that rings alarm bells for me is when people are confronted and they turn it round by saying “do you think that little of me?..” It just deflects it onto you.

I don't agree with this. If my partner confronted me about something like this, my reaction would probably be equal parts confusion and sadness that he thinks I might cheat. I could imagine myself saying something exactly like op's husband and I have never cheated on anyone.

MaryDoll84 · 07/05/2023 14:44

Definitely get an STD check. Even if you have decided to believe him, which you clearly have, he is not worth risking your sexual health for. Sadly, I feel that even if you got tested and it came back that you'd caught something, you'd still come up with excuses for him.
I bet he can't believe his luck that you've let this drop so easily, which will be a green light to him that he can do whatever he wants in future, safe in the knowledge that you'll accept it. He's probably on easy jet right now, booking the flights for his next lad's holiday..

slowquickstep · 07/05/2023 14:47

What are you going to do about an STI check ?

MaryDoll84 · 07/05/2023 14:47

Sorry if that came across as a bit harsh OP. I just hate seeing other people making the same mistakes that I have and many others. You deserve so much better.
But I wish you all the best.

Mooshamoo · 07/05/2023 14:56

Of course you believe him OP.

To believe him is the easier path. If you believe him - your life stays the same.

If you don't believe him - you have to leave him or stay and accept that your husband is a Cheater.

To me, it definitely sounds like he was with a prostitute.

My boyfriend went on a stag do once and he told me that the groom - to - be was with a prostitute.

He said some of them ried to talk him out of it. But he did what he wanted. Then they all knew. And some of those men told their girlfriends

Mooshamoo · 07/05/2023 14:57

When my boyfriend went on a stag do, he told me that the groom to be was with a prostitute.

I actually thought about setting up a fake Instagram page to tell the wife. But after a while I decided to keep my head down and stay out of it.

It's likely that it was one of the men's girlfriends messaging you.

Floralnomad · 07/05/2023 14:59

Sorry @Mumma2Ro but you are being really naive . I agree with a pp that the fact that his words were ‘do you really think so little of me ‘ are relevant as that totally makes you the bad one and puts you on the back foot . I can see why you are saying it’s a load of bollocks as that makes it easy to just carry on with the life and marriage you think you have - you really don’t .

Shroedy · 07/05/2023 15:05

The person sending the message is clearly not who they say they are. Random who they met in a bar wouldn't have the details to find him or you on social media. Since they have so much detail they are clearly someone who knows him / you / the friends. They are not a random.

On that basis they are either telling you something true that they feel you should know or they are intentionally shit stirring and spreading entirely untrue lies for unknown malicious reasons. You need to work out which of those is most likely.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 07/05/2023 15:07

Deep down somewhere, OP, you’re doubting it, else wouldn’t have posted this.

You’ll forever wonder if he lied to you and won’t trust him again. It really isn’t worth trying to kid yourself.

Unicorn2022 · 07/05/2023 15:10

Mooshamoo · 07/05/2023 14:57

When my boyfriend went on a stag do, he told me that the groom to be was with a prostitute.

I actually thought about setting up a fake Instagram page to tell the wife. But after a while I decided to keep my head down and stay out of it.

It's likely that it was one of the men's girlfriends messaging you.

See I would be suspicious about this and assume that your boyfriend also went with a prostitute. Sounds like deflection at its finest to me.

Treacletoots · 07/05/2023 15:13

And this is why men treat women like shit.

Because despite the obvious staring them in the face, they prefer to believe they're not sleazy pricks just so they don't have to be single for a bit.

And so the cycle continues. The patriarchy remains supreme. Ffs.

LiliLil · 07/05/2023 15:14

I don’t think I’ve ever read a story with more holes in it.

Op, you believe what you want to believe it’s your life.

I hope you don’t remember this years down the line when he’s been caught again and realise it was the truth all along.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 07/05/2023 15:14

I won’t judge you for believing him but I am going to tell you something that I think you should listen to.

Someone I was in school with her dad cheated on her mum - but he didn’t - She received a letter which said this information she believed him then the next letter said she had HIV.
Both of this girls parents died of that disease leaving all their children, that’s gotta be at least 25 years ago and I always remember it.

Just make him get checked, and get yourself checked just in case. There’s never going to be a man that sleeps with a prostitute that says to his wife oh yes I did that actually, he’s going to say do you really think that little of me.

Bournetilly · 07/05/2023 15:18

Sorry but it’s very unlikely the person messaging you was a girl they met over there. Why would his friend say to a random girl ‘the big one got with a prostitute’ as a joke, then the random girl was able to find your husbands profile, then yours and messaged you. As other people have said it’s much more likely to be one of his friends partners messaging you.

LadyLolaRuben · 07/05/2023 15:19

Mumma2Ro · 07/05/2023 14:02

Yes he has said the words No it is not true and no I did not sleep with a prostitute or anyone else.
I believe him so end of story. Thanks for all of you who are concerned.
for the person who said they don’t know why I bothered posting if I’m not going to investigate it….. I posted for advice and opinions. All of which I have read and all of which I have taken on board. Thank you x

Best of luck OP. From a place of kindness...I hope everything settles and he told you the truth. If he didn't or doesn't in future you've already got his card marked x

ThankmelaterOkay · 07/05/2023 15:30

Knew he was innocent. Poor guy.

Stravaig · 07/05/2023 15:33

Let's focus on immediate practicalities.

You need to have an STI test, just to be safe. Trust, but verify. Then you need to ensure you only ever have protected sex with him, unless and until he gets checked himself, and shows you clean results. You'll have to repeat the tests after a certain interval too, as some diseases won't show up right away.

So you need to have a conversation with him about sexual exposure, honesty, and whether he has in fact endangered your health. This is a good opportunity to gauge his integrity and responsibility versus deflection and gaslighting.

Even if this unknown person is making things up, you still need to pull together as a team in response, protect yourselves and each other, and get the tests done. You to be safe, him to reassure you. You should both understand that.

Irrespective of whether or not you believe him.

KirstenBlest · 07/05/2023 15:51

he was like sorry, what ?
you really think that little of me to believe I would sleep with a prostitute!
That's turning it into making you the guilty

but he says it 100% is not true. None of it.
He was hardly going to say it was true.

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