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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……

500 replies

Mumma2Ro · 06/05/2023 21:42

Some fake account has messaged me on instagram.
to tell me my husband paid for a prostitute when on a recent stag do in Marbella!
what the fuck do I do!?!!!!!???

OP posts:
JenWillsiam · 07/05/2023 13:00

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 07/05/2023 12:57

I was going to exactly the same thing.

"I can't believe you think I'd do that!" is right out of "the script" - it's designed to make you feel guilty so you shut up.

Show quote history

It’s the line of the guilty.

Topee · 07/05/2023 13:11

The explanation is lame at best, makes zero sense.

JenWillsiam · 07/05/2023 13:16

MaryDoll84 · 07/05/2023 12:50

I was just about to say this..the 'you really think that little of me' is to make you feel guilty so that you'll shut up and not ask any more questions. Every time a man has said this or similar to me, it's because he was lying and trying to make me look like the bad guy to take the heat off him.
You should definitely ask to look at his phone immediately. If there is no WhatsApp group or no messages at all about the holiday or to any of the men that he went away with, then you know he's probably guilty af. You'd expect there to be some communication if they've all just been away together so if he's deleted everything then there's a reason why. And men(and people in general) rarely delete their messages unless they have something to hide.

Show quote history

It’s so obvious.

itwasntmetho · 07/05/2023 13:19

He said you really think that little of me to believe I would sleep with a prostitute!

Gaslighting 101. You're the unreasonable one for believing it.

itwasntmetho · 07/05/2023 13:23

An ex of mine was told by a friend that friend had seen me on a date with another man, I was gutted, I reassured him, it was frustrating but that was all I could do. I felt bad for him because he'd have to decide if he believed me.
I did NOT tell him that he was the problem for asking me about it, he wasn't.

LadyLolaRuben · 07/05/2023 13:26

The person who messaged you will have wrestled with contacting you and how to do it. You've blocked this person and deleted their message...for what reason? Is it true he went to Marbella and on stag do? If so, why not believe the rest of the message or at least ask his friends? Instead you're taking your DH's lame and over the the top detailed explanation at face value.

If you leave this situation how it currently is, you will always have this dark cloud hanging over you anyway. When he goes out or away etc you'll remember that message.

I've no idea why you posted as you don't seem to want to at least investigate the claims made

LadyLolaRuben · 07/05/2023 13:27

itwasntmetho · 07/05/2023 13:19

He said you really think that little of me to believe I would sleep with a prostitute!

Gaslighting 101. You're the unreasonable one for believing it.

Agree with this. Its not about what you think. Its about what you've been told

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 07/05/2023 13:31

He didn't actually deny it and say no. He said you really think so little of me....".

That's deflection.

You have to consider that he's just really mad at the friend who told his wife.

Greenfairydust · 07/05/2023 13:32

OP you are being so very naive.

He immediately tried to turn the table on you ''you really think that little of me..'' and make you feel guilty.

He came up with some nonsensical explanation about a ''friend''.

I think you really want to believe him and are simply trying to ignore the obvious.

I would actually contact the friends he was with and speak to them individually about what has happened and your concerns. Some might cover up for him but it is likely one will come clean.

VivatVaginaCamilla · 07/05/2023 13:34

Tailfeather · 07/05/2023 09:44

I'd like to know where @VivatVaginaCamilla would go on holiday.

Cornwall, since you ask.

@Ginnybaby You do know that there are close and very solid female friendships which aren't based on hen dos and "girls' nights out" and so on?

My view of hen and stag events might be jaundiced by living in Edinburgh, but I've never seen anything that appealed.

All that aside, I think the OP's husband is lying his arse off.

Sighhhhh · 07/05/2023 13:35

OP, get an STI test just in case. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter what you actively decide now because from now on you will be more cautious, even if unknowingly. Ensure you have your own money. The next time something odd happens and there is no solid reasonable explanation for it, you’ll know your H has been dishonest.

SpinCityBlues · 07/05/2023 13:35

Did he actually use the words '.... sleep with a prostitute'? Because that revolting minimising euphemism is suspicious in itself (to me).

Ginnybaby · 07/05/2023 13:39

VivatVaginaCamilla · 07/05/2023 13:34

Cornwall, since you ask.

@Ginnybaby You do know that there are close and very solid female friendships which aren't based on hen dos and "girls' nights out" and so on?

My view of hen and stag events might be jaundiced by living in Edinburgh, but I've never seen anything that appealed.

All that aside, I think the OP's husband is lying his arse off.

Show quote history

I simply don’t understand this question. There is a different between based on and including. In my friendship group it is including. Not based on. And friendships are widely faceted. But yes I went to my friends hen nights, and they mine, I have been bridesmaid three times now , but the fact we had hen nights doesn’t mean our friendships are based on girls nights out, which you appear to sneer at.

im afraid I would come to the conclusion you have struggled to make and maintain female friendships throughout your life and I wonder if your judgemental, sneezy attitude has something to do with it, or if it’s the opposite, that feeling of being excluded has caused you to react in a judgemental and sneery manner.

Citadel8 · 07/05/2023 13:43

Only he know if true or not and he will never admit it. You have chosen to believe him and life now goes on.

IWishIWasABaller · 07/05/2023 13:43

I'm assuming it's one of the other wives trying to tip you off op. I'd think you would be very naive to believe your husband's story if I'm honest

Dalekjastninerels · 07/05/2023 13:44

OP

Cut your losses and leave the pervert who is most likely into rough sex(why else would he be with a prostitute?)How long before he slaps you or chokes you or "accidentally" shoves it up your backside?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2023 13:47

SpinCityBlues · 07/05/2023 13:35

Did he actually use the words '.... sleep with a prostitute'? Because that revolting minimising euphemism is suspicious in itself (to me).

What would be the correct choice of words?
Fucked ?
Shagged?
Rode her ;ike a Grand National Winner?
Pumped her like a 20 dollar pinball machine?

I think 'sleep with' is the least "she's a piece of meat" phrase TBH

3BSHKATS · 07/05/2023 13:48

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2023 13:47

What would be the correct choice of words?
Fucked ?
Shagged?
Rode her ;ike a Grand National Winner?
Pumped her like a 20 dollar pinball machine?

I think 'sleep with' is the least "she's a piece of meat" phrase TBH

Show quote history

Had sex with is the go to I would imagine. I doubt anyone "sleeps" with a hooker, we aren't in pretty women territory

Dalekjastninerels · 07/05/2023 13:53

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2023 13:47

What would be the correct choice of words?
Fucked ?
Shagged?
Rode her ;ike a Grand National Winner?
Pumped her like a 20 dollar pinball machine?

I think 'sleep with' is the least "she's a piece of meat" phrase TBH

Show quote history

In the husband's eyes that is exactly what the prostitute is.

OP is just the drudge who is there for the mental load at home.

Ginnybaby · 07/05/2023 13:54

Mumma2Ro · 07/05/2023 11:34

Sorry it took me ages to catch up on all of the replies!
so I confronted hubby this morning…… I said to him someone messaged me on instagram saying ‘I’ve got Information about what your husband got up to in Marbella’.
he was like sorry, what ?
his reaction was genuine- and I believe him when he says it’s not true. He said you really think that little of me to believe I would sleep with a prostitute!
he said maybe one of his mates did meet these girls while they were out there, and maybe one of the guys said it as a joke ‘oh yea that big one has paid for a prostitute, the blonde one has shagged someone out here and cheated on his wife bla bla bla’
but he says it 100% is not true. None of it.
he is going to speak to the said friend who supposedly had a conversation with these girls…. My hubby isn’t happy about this. And I know him, and I believe him.
I’ve blocked the instagram account and deleted the message. I asked for more information and if she had any real evidence ….. and she didn’t
thank you for all your replies
I’m sure there’s some comments coming about how I’m silly for believing him!

Maybe someone said those things. And what sort of evidence do you wish? Of course there is no evidence, what do you want, photos of him shagging? I’m sure he was stunned to be told on.

but it appears you know already so, I’m not sure why you started the thread, you were always going to pretend to believe him.

Original poster
Mumma2Ro · 07/05/2023 13:55

Yes he has said the words No it is not true and no I did not sleep with a prostitute or anyone else.
I believe him so end of story. Thanks for all of you who are concerned.
for the person who said they don’t know why I bothered posting if I’m not going to investigate it….. I posted for advice and opinions. All of which I have read and all of which I have taken on board. Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumma2Ro · 07/05/2023 13:56

Yes he has said the words No it is not true and no I did not sleep with a prostitute or anyone else.
I believe him so end of story. Thanks for all of you who are concerned.
for the person who said they don’t know why I bothered posting if I’m not going to investigate it….. I posted for advice and opinions. All of which I have read and all of which I have taken on board. Thank you x

OP posts:
VivatVaginaCamilla · 07/05/2023 13:58

Ginnybaby · 07/05/2023 13:39

I simply don’t understand this question. There is a different between based on and including. In my friendship group it is including. Not based on. And friendships are widely faceted. But yes I went to my friends hen nights, and they mine, I have been bridesmaid three times now , but the fact we had hen nights doesn’t mean our friendships are based on girls nights out, which you appear to sneer at.

im afraid I would come to the conclusion you have struggled to make and maintain female friendships throughout your life and I wonder if your judgemental, sneezy attitude has something to do with it, or if it’s the opposite, that feeling of being excluded has caused you to react in a judgemental and sneery manner.

Show quote history

This is what you said:

you’ve never been at a hen party? What is your prejudice based on? Media? You’ve never had a close enough friend to be on their hen?

This suggested to me that you judge close friendship on whether or not you are invited to someone's hen party. I'm sorry if I misunderstood.

I'm laughing at the idea that I have struggled with female friendships. I'm pretty shit at romantic relationships, but my female friends are all fantastic. Some of these friendships go back almost 50 years. However, none of us is the 'hen do' or girls' night out' or 'big wedding' type. On the whole, people are generally friends with other people with whom they have things in common.

And the OP's husband is still lying.

Mirabai · 07/05/2023 13:59

Good luck for the next time OP and get an STI check.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2023 14:00

he said maybe one of his mates did meet these girls while they were out there, and maybe one of the guys said it as a joke ‘oh yea that big one has paid for a prostitute, the blonde one has shagged someone out here and cheated on his wife bla bla bla’

I can't believe you believe this nonsense. Your husband is doing some serious damage control. Interesting how he knows which mate to pin this on.