I know I shouldn't bother replying to you @RepublicanBecca as it is only derailing the poor OP's thread even more. But just because a phrase is in "common usage" it doesn't mean that it is a good or justifiable phrase. You have asked what Starlite was supposed to say, may I suggest (at the genuine risk of sounding condescending this time) that she didn't need to use that phrase at all, or don't you agree?
Do you honestly think that saying "There's no smoke without fire" added a necessary gravitas to her advice to the OP, and if so, do you also believe that none of the other PPs, who didn't start their advice with that short sentence, were lacking in some way in there failure to use that phrase?
I had no intention of being condescending to Starlite, and I am very sorry if she took it that way. I honestly don't understand how I can be accused of being controlling - unless every person who replies to every OP in every thread, is being controlling when they say things like "LTB" or "you don't have a MiL problem, you have a DH problem". Do you think that those PPs are being controlling because they told the OP's on those threads what to do, or what their real problem was, rather than saying
"Actually OP, if I were you I don't think that I could get over that. I mean, I would try joint counselling first, but if he didn't stop doing that - or doesn't start doing such and such - I would have to LTB?
However, if you believe that I was being controlling then I doubt that I can change your mind, so - here is another phrase for you as you seem to like phrases @RepublicanBecca - (please) "fill your boots!"
Oh, and I genuinely don't know what nerve she might have hit, apart from the one I have already discussed too much, which was my nerve that is on the same neural pathway as my choices between what I think is 'right or wrong', or "good or bad', or 'appropriate or not appropriate' etc. Oh, and of course, I mustn't miss out on my 'sticking up for myself' nerve.