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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend checked out another woman in front of me

95 replies

namechanged9999 · 04/05/2023 21:43

We went out with his friend and he openly did it and he and his mate laughed about it. He said it was because I was bringing “big dick energy” and “being a cunt”. I wasn’t doing anything. We were sitting around a table the 3 of us laughing and having a drink. I didn’t insult him or his friend, was just being jolly. He says I deserved it. I’m not sure I can get past this. He didn’t like that I was being confident.

OP posts:
BCBird · 04/05/2023 21:48

I don't really understand what you are saying about what was said. However him.checjimg out another in front of you and thinking it is ok,is way out of line

VioletPickles · 04/05/2023 21:50

What did he actually do? And what were you being Jolly about? Was it a joke gone wrong? He sounds like an arse.

tallcypowder · 04/05/2023 21:51

Big dick energy? Wtf is that?

He doesn't sound nice at all.

Ohnolookwhatthecatsdraggedin · 04/05/2023 21:52

He has zero respect for you and to call you the c word as well, what a prince! My ex was like this but if I caught him he always denied it - last holiday we went on he was openly perving at a 19 year old - he was in his 40's, I got the ick big time and I dumped him while on holidays. He will never change. Please show yourself some love and respect and dump him.

brainexplorer · 04/05/2023 21:53

Just break up with him. He doesn't deny it and openly said he did it to punish you. He doesn't like you.

Gingergirl70 · 04/05/2023 21:53

Why do you have to get past it? Or even try get past it? Absolute appalling behaviour. This is absolute random thing, but while flicking through my phone reading this, I'm also distractedly watching I'm a celebrity from the other night where Carol.Vorderman was discussing the 'circle of acceptance' when it comes to relationships and what kind of behaviours get accepted. I know, totally fucking random, not a fan of the programme or the person but just pure coincidence. It's a 2 minute piece so go try find it if you didn't already see it and it might just resonate with you a little.

Original poster
namechanged9999 · 04/05/2023 21:53

He looked at her ass and then he and his friend sniggered that they were looking at a “nice little Boris bike”. He said I deserved it.

OP posts:
Gingergirl70 · 04/05/2023 21:55

And do you think you deserve it OP?

ChufftyBadge · 04/05/2023 21:56

He sounds nice

Honeyroar · 04/05/2023 21:58

You don’t think you can get past this? Good! Nobody should accept behaviour like this. Respond in the only sensible way - dump him. Show him you’re worth more than that.

Original poster
namechanged9999 · 04/05/2023 22:02

He humiliated me in public (in front of his friend). I don’t even know this friend and I looked like a mug. And he’s still not sorry - he keeps saying I deserved it. I left an abusive marriage 2 years ago. Never again. Men can’t handle strong women.

OP posts:
Northernsouloldies · 04/05/2023 22:04

He's an idiot, big dick energy wtf is that all about. In fact you're probably best not knowing and bin the infantile prick.

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/05/2023 22:05

namechanged9999 · 04/05/2023 22:02

He humiliated me in public (in front of his friend). I don’t even know this friend and I looked like a mug. And he’s still not sorry - he keeps saying I deserved it. I left an abusive marriage 2 years ago. Never again. Men can’t handle strong women.

You've picked another abuser who is staggeringly disrespectful towards you and tells you it's your fault. Run 🚩🚩🚩

Emmamoo89 · 04/05/2023 22:07

LTB

Rinkydinkydoodle · 04/05/2023 22:07

Tbh the checking out a girl wouldn’t bother me. What would is a deliberate, unashamed attempt to punish you for the huge transgression of trying to have a nice time in his company. Also calling you a cunt and the BDE comment, particularly the latter; the first is an insane thing to say to someone you’re meant to care about but saying you were giving BDE sounds like some truly thick misogynistic shite, he’d 100% be getting the Spanish archer.

Dotcheck · 04/05/2023 22:15

So, you were confident and outgoing on a night out with his friend.
He and his friend checked out another woman in front of you.
You got upset, and he said you deserved it because you brought ‘ big dick energy’ to the room, and you were ‘being a cunt’

Is that right?

If so, ditch the loser

GrazingSheep · 04/05/2023 22:16

Being single can’t be worse than being with a fucking arsehole,

Nothingbuttheglory · 04/05/2023 22:19

I don't know how long you've been seeing him, but if a man called me a cunt I would not speak to him again.

Original poster
namechanged9999 · 04/05/2023 22:25

He is very unhappy at work and my career is blossoming. His friend asked me how work is going and I said busy but good. I don’t really like to talk about work anyway but if someone asks I will answer. He said I was being insensitive bc he’s unhappy. I didn’t say ANYTHING about how amazing it was or how amazing I am.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 04/05/2023 22:32

Why on earth are you making excuses for thus pathetic excuse for a human being?

Quitelikeit · 04/05/2023 22:34

Honestly you can’t argue with stupid

He sounds like an absolute tool and that is me being generous

What does big dick energy mean?

Dotcheck · 04/05/2023 22:36

Your update is even worse. This is not a good man

Gingergirl70 · 04/05/2023 22:36

So you have to constantly watch what you say and how you behave in case he feels belittled by you and then humiliates you as punishment. Classic abusive behaviour which will only get worse if you stay with him. You've wasted enough of your life on one nasty cunt, don't waste anymore on a second

EarthSight · 04/05/2023 22:42

He is not on your side OP. He's on his own side, and laughing at you from it.

MMmomDD · 04/05/2023 22:42

He sounds juvenile. And a very small man - with hugely sensitive ego.
Looking at some girl’s bottom and sniggering with a friend - is 15yo behaviour. Can be overlooked just on its own as ‘idiot men’ sort of thing.
But doing that to somehow shove it in your face for being more successful than him - is malicious.
Just get up and keep walking.