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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend checked out another woman in front of me

95 replies

namechanged9999 · 04/05/2023 21:43

We went out with his friend and he openly did it and he and his mate laughed about it. He said it was because I was bringing “big dick energy” and “being a cunt”. I wasn’t doing anything. We were sitting around a table the 3 of us laughing and having a drink. I didn’t insult him or his friend, was just being jolly. He says I deserved it. I’m not sure I can get past this. He didn’t like that I was being confident.

OP posts:
EmmiJay · 04/05/2023 22:43

If you know he's shitty and he's doing shitty things, then why drag it out?! Should have left him at the table with his mate. You're not obligated to sit there and take it. Leaveeeee!

Doodledeedum · 04/05/2023 22:46

Forget him checking anybody else out. How about him calling you a cunt and blaming any negative behavior on his part on you. That's what you should be concerned with and finishing with him over.

ttcat37 · 04/05/2023 22:52

I’m struggling to fathom why you didn’t walk away from him there and then and dump him in front of his mate. Have self respect OP. You don’t have to tolerate him

Arketaddictmum · 04/05/2023 22:58

Oh gosh. You need to leave.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 04/05/2023 23:03

Seriously- he’s a twat

readbooksdrinktea · 04/05/2023 23:09

He'd be out on his ass. Just absolutely no time for that. You should want better for yourself.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 05/05/2023 00:12

Have you texted this loser that you're done with him yet?

Original poster
namechanged9999 · 05/05/2023 00:16

He said that he hasn’t checked out another woman and when they laughed it was genuinely at a bike. But when we were getting the train home I had asked him if he’d seriously checked out a woman and he said yes, he had, bc I deserve it. Now he says it was a joke gone wrong and he said it to piss me off and made a big show of checking her out so I’d notice and feel bad. I think this is BS. Ultimately he deemed it fit to punish me, whether he checked out a woman or not.

any thoughts? He said I am totally insensitive talking about how amazing my work is going when he’s miserable at his job, and wants to quit.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2023 00:18

You've gone from one abusive relationship to another. Don't you see that? You should have dumped him already instead of making a post about him. He's shit. Get rid.

middleeasternpromise · 05/05/2023 00:24

Two things - you've let him know this has upset you, he's acknowledged it and told you your feelings don't matter because you deserve it. What he's letting you know is - he's fine with deliberately causing you harm.

He doesn't see you as an equal and cannot be pleased for you. If he's unhappy you should not be happy, your needs should be less than his. He's shown you the future - only you can decide if you want those terms and conditions.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/05/2023 00:26

Just get shot of him, the man is a pointless arse.

Northernsouloldies · 05/05/2023 01:08

Normally when something is going good for a partner the other is pleased for them but this prick resents your good fortune because he hates his job. And that's your fault how?. As all other pp have stated get rid of this clown.

Greycloudlooming · 05/05/2023 02:27

Tbh there’s no point telling you to leave the tosser, as it seems all the others suggesting you leave this “little dick energy” man have been glossed over by you making excuses for him.

He’s a liability. To your emotions, self esteem and your freedom. Instead of being proud of your career and celebrating you, he’s being a loser because he’s not flourishing in his career. That’s not a partnership. Imagine being such a loser that you’re jealous of your girlfriend’s career. Imagine being even more of a loser that you try to make the girlfriend jealous because she told your friend her job is going well, before further punishing her by calling her a cunt. What an idiotic and pathetic human he is.

You get what you settle for.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 05/05/2023 03:00

Greycloudlooming · 05/05/2023 02:27

Tbh there’s no point telling you to leave the tosser, as it seems all the others suggesting you leave this “little dick energy” man have been glossed over by you making excuses for him.

He’s a liability. To your emotions, self esteem and your freedom. Instead of being proud of your career and celebrating you, he’s being a loser because he’s not flourishing in his career. That’s not a partnership. Imagine being such a loser that you’re jealous of your girlfriend’s career. Imagine being even more of a loser that you try to make the girlfriend jealous because she told your friend her job is going well, before further punishing her by calling her a cunt. What an idiotic and pathetic human he is.

You get what you settle for.

These type of petty jealous little mean are the ones who will gladly ruin your career and life if they can.

TheShellBeach · 05/05/2023 03:20

OP FFS Why are you settling for this?
You have gone from one abusive relationship to another.
Can't you see that?

JamSandle · 05/05/2023 03:22

He sounds about 12. Very immature behaviour.

Guavafish1 · 05/05/2023 03:28

He sounds like a loser, esp. The jealously over your career.

It's unkind and childish... if your not happy then it's time to call time on relationship

wheresmymojo · 05/05/2023 03:32

This is another abusive man. The red flags here are 40 foot tall, illuminated and flashing.

You need to put this one in the bin immediately.

Then you need to get some counselling to explore why your self esteem is low enough that you're ending up in abusive relationships.

What went on during your childhood to make you question, even for one second, that this man shouldn't be immediately binned off?

wheresmymojo · 05/05/2023 03:34

Also agree with PP "I'm not sure I can get past this" needs to immediately change to "I can't and shouldn't get past this. This behaviour is a deal breaker and it's over"

angelfacecuti75 · 05/05/2023 03:37

Ltb

featherlampshade · 05/05/2023 04:55

How old is he? This sounds like 17 year old boy behaviour. I absolutely would acknowledge that red flag and tell him to do one

Harryisabollock · 05/05/2023 05:00

He is massively jealous of your strength and success and is trying to put you in your place by using derogatory sexist language. He will drag you down so please ditch the fucker and don't look back!

Missingmyusername · 05/05/2023 05:00

He called you a cunt?! Nice. That alone would be the end for me.
What in earth is big dick energy?

Ditch him and move along! It’s not going to get any better. Do you honestly want to salvage this relationship?

Harryisabollock · 05/05/2023 05:04

Really hoping for an OP update saying he's been put in the bin...

Srin · 05/05/2023 05:52

You can end a relationship because someone is really unattractive and horrible, regardless of whether they were joking about a bike or not.

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