Boyfriend checked out another woman in front of me

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We went out with his friend and he openly did it and he and his mate laughed about it. He said it was because I was bringing “big dick energy” and “being a cunt”. I wasn’t doing anything. We were sitting around a table the 3 of us laughing and having a drink. I didn’t insult him or his friend, was just being jolly. He says I deserved it. I’m not sure I can get past this. He didn’t like that I was being confident.

OP if you accept this behaviour which is literally crawling with red flags, it will be his green light to not only continue but escalate his behaviour.

Don't question it, don't try to understand it, don't give him the benefit of the doubt or accept a half arse apology if he feels he's losing control. Just listen to your gut, you know he's a wrong un and get out.

‘any thoughts?’

You’d had by this point a couple of dozen ‘thoughts’ all saying the same thing, but you sound as though you’re trying to find some get out clause, so you can stay with this nasty piece of work.

Honestly, staying with him will erode you, but you know this from your previous relationship. The only one who can protect you from further harm is you.

They sound like school children.

He is a horrible, negging, spiteful insecure little weed. How utterly unattractive. His behaviour was to knock you down a peg or two because he resents your success and confidence.

Dump him. I bet the nasty prick would be shocked.

He'd have been dumped before I got home if that was me because he can't cope with you being ok when he is not and wants to slap you down.
That's not normal in balanced people. He had the emotional maturity of a toddler.

Please end it and get some therapy to heal from your abusive relationship properly so you can recognise this shit for what it is. ⛳⛳⛳

I left him. He wouldn’t even apologize properly. He said I am always insensitive when I talk re my career knowing his is in the dumpster. I don’t really understand it. I am not sure why I am meant to dim my sparkle when he’s unhappy? Am I selfish? Can someone please tell me if you’re meant to shut up and not share promotions etc if the other is not doing well? I don’t speak about it in a pompous way but I get excited when good things happen and can’t wait to share.

Everyone has a right to feel good about themselves and their successes and quite frankly if he was a truly lovely man he’d celebrate with you, despite his own issues.

He has personal agency, he can make his situation better but he’s choosing to whinge, complain and bring down others instead.

Delete this losers number and move on.

Here's the thing, he's got nothing to offer but bare faced audacity.

Why you even giving this head space?
Lucky escape, go do better.

Rooting for you!

It's good you have left him. No, you shouldn't have to dumb yourself down to stop him treating you like shit. Because he has job issues does not make him entitled to be a dick. Be who you are, not what anyone else expects you to be. He was putting you in what he thinks of as in your place. But your place is far away from this guy and hopefully for good. This behaviour would escalate until you would be watching your every word and deed until you are under his full command. I think perhaps you need space and a time of singledom to work out what you want from a relationship and be uncompromising with that until you find someone who fits. He is an abuser who is just beginning to reveal himself.

Good for you for leaving.

You don’t sound strong tbh.

dump the pr**k.

and work on actually being the woman you want to be, strong if that’s your preference.

And please don’t generalise - it ls rather offensive. Men can be pr**s, so can women.

Is he 15? If not, get rid.

Good for you for leaving him, you deserve better, you should be able to share all your happy moments with your partner without them being a wee cry baby because he's unhappy in his job- he needs to do something about that and stop dragging you down when all you seem to have been doing is supporting him!

well done on your promotion! Go you! Woohoo 🙌🏻 🩵🥂

What a charming young man

I'd get rid personally but more because he did it to punish you, very weird and sounds controlling! You can do better xx

Stop overthinking this OP- your partner is an absolute bellend and there is no way I'd tolerate being called the C word ever. Ive been with my H for 17 years and he has never ever called me a name like that. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him being a dick.

C'mon, now. You know his behaviour is unacceptable. The 'checking another woman out' is the act of a sniggering 15 year old, but his comments about your work are the reason you should be dumping his arse. You're not allowed to be happy and proud of what you've achieved in the workplace because it's upsetting to him. Diddums. Do you think he would play down his achievements if the position was reversed? Course he wouldn't.

He's a whinging man child who obviously feels his patheticness in the face of a strong, confident woman. He's not worth any more time and effort on your part. Just get rid.

He's a worthless piece of shit OP, get rid. He'll never be happy for you if you succeed, I'm sure he'll be delighted if you fail. That kind of deeply insecure pathetic man doesn't deserve anymore of your time or headspace.

Sorry, just read your update. Good.

'I don’t speak about it in a pompous way but I get excited when good things happen and can’t wait to share.'.

Which is the way of normal people. And their friends and family are happy for them, not jealous arseholes. What's to stop him improving his work situation? Only him. But then he wouldn't be able to moan about it and accuse you of insensitivity, belittle you and put you down. And he'd far rather do that than do anything to improve his situation.

Well done for leaving him.

He wanted to put you in your place because you weren't being a deferent little woman to him. How dare you be witty and successful in a social setting? Did you forget that He, as the Man, is the important one. You're supposed to focus on making him look good and not outshine him in any way.

Good riddance 👏

Big dick energy is supposed to be a good thing, like you give off the energy of having a large penis ie confident and not cocky. Small dick energy is a bad thing ie prone to putting others down to make yourself feel better about your own insecurities, and by coincidence that energy is very much what your hopefully now ex has. So he’s an idiot who can’t even get his insults right!

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Big%20Dick%20Energy

run for the hills

Most people can feel happiness for someone else's positives even if they have opposing disappointments because they are able to recognise that one isn't stealing from the other, we're all on our own path and comparison is futile. They are separate things and children might need help with understanding that but adults shouldn't.
If you're doing disparaging comparisons and gloating that's different. But you're not.

It is entirely possible to feel joy at someone else's success while handling your own disappointments yes. Especially when you care for that person.

You've done the right thing.

you did the right thing by binning him - he was a trash person

fragile male ego is so annoying - boohoo, he sucks at his job so he has to be a little oversensitive asshole to others who happen to do better. People like this are so annoying and are often the very reason why their work-life sucks

OP .. I'm not happy where I am career-wise. DH's career is going steady with highs. It genuinely didn't ever occur to me, ever, to be upset about his successes. They have zero bearing on my career. I'm not doing his job, I'm not living his life, whether he succeeds or fails has not one jot of impact on my career. They are two separate things entirely.

Your twat of an ex wasn't bothered about your different jobs.

He was bothered that YOU were happier and in a better place than him. That's not allowed. Your proper role is to be subordinate to him in all things.

Well done for leaving. Do NOT go back to him. He will ruin your life.

Just for comparison, my DH is always hugely supportive of my work and is proud of what I achieve. This is how it should be OP. Honestly - you're worth so much more than this.