My partner left because I dated a footballer!

[Staceysoo]

I met my partner 5 years ago, we were together for just under a year until he just left me out of nowhere.
the last 4 years we have continued to see each other here and there. I have always wanted to be with him but he just saw me when he felt like it whilst he dated and did everything he wanted to with other women whilst still seeing me. He made me feel like he wasn’t doing anything wrong because we weren’t together. He went through times of telling me he wanted me and then he would just drop me repeatedly. Probs because of another girl. He also slept with other girls at the same time as me which I wasn’t aware of at the time otherwise I would have cut it off.
I was an emotional wreck and suffered with anxiety because of him pulling me in repeatedly but not committing. The times we weren’t together I tried to move on with my life because he didn’t want to commit to me but the cycle would just repeat.
The start of this year he apologised to me and said he doesn’t know what he’s been doing and has issues with commitment. He told me I was the only person he wanted a family with and can only see his life with me. He’s expressed how much he loves me.
He has literally been amazing and done a 360 even though still sometimes a little emotionally distant.
whilst I was single I hardly dated due to being so in love with him I just couldn’t see myself with anyone else however there was guys I met within the last 4 years and spent time with because I felt I needed to move on with my life.
One guy I dated we went out and ended up sleeping together.
This guy I dated was a football player and so is my partner.
Recently I told my partner about the date with this guy. Since telling him he told me he didn’t want to be with me because the guy I slept with his a football player. Baring in mind this happened 2 years ago.
He said how he doesn’t want to be with a girl that’s been with a footballer but anyone else I have slept with doesn’t matter.
I just feel so let down, I put aside everything from his past to be with him yet he can’t do the same for me.

I feel like he cares if people find out and he said he knows what lads are like in the changing room. Ultimately it feels like he cares more what people would think than our relationship. Not that I think anyone would even know. I feel like he’s embarrassed of situation.

I’m trying to put myself in his shoes to understand but after the big apology and him telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. Surely our relationship means more than that? I think his pride and ego has taken over.

I’m so confused and need some opinions and thoughts?

This man is a manipulative dick

Don’t waste another minute of your life on him

Stop letting him use you, you're worth more than this.

Dig up your bar from wherever you've buried it and raise it. There are far better men than this absolute loser. Being single is better than pining after some waste of space like this.

Sorry I couldn't read that all as I need spaces between the paragraphs. I am not great myself, just explaining.

From what I could read, it seems like you are a handy option for him.

There is something wrong with this man. He hasn't respect for you as a human the same as he is a human. He probably will never have respect for women as fellow humans.

You can have a nice life without him

Jesus, he has no respect for you, please don’t give it any more thought. He accepts you as you are or not at all….

You've wasted 5 years on this man, don't waste anymore.

It is clear from what you've written that he doesn't actually care very much about you.

Maybe give up on dating footballers? I'd honestly be struggling to think of more than a handful that treat women as I'd expect to be treated.

Oh come on OP, muster up some dignity and ditch him.

And whatever you do, do not have kids with this manipulative dickbag.

That's going to add a lifetime of being attached in some way to this prick.

How many men do you know who play football?

If you've struggle to think of more than a handful that treat women well, you really need to change your circle of friends.

he's manipulative, weird, unstable, dont ever trust him, you may have some kind of trauma bond to him after all the boundary breaking behaviour

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but the guy has done you a massive favour in reminding you what a piece of poo he really is and getting out of your life.

He's strung you along for years and you're still enmeshed. You can do better, and will do if you take some time out from dating to figure out why you've put up with being treated so badly for so long.

Sometimes the trash takes itself out.

He sounds like a massive bellend. Dump him OP and run for the hills.

Wow he really knows what strings to pull to get you in your place doesnt he?

He knows that whenever his new woman doesnt meet his expectations, he can fall back on you to "fulfil his needs" until the next one comes along. As soon as he sensed you getting more independent, he negged you so that you try harder to keep him. He even had you apologising for something that you didnt need to apologise for! "I am sorry for sleeping with someone you dont approve of after you dumped me". Can you not see how fucked up that is?!

He is abusive, even if you do "win" this booby prize, he will not change. Well he will, he will get worse. He will cheat and lie and make it all your fault.

Read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. Its a start to help you understand these master manipulators. And PLEASE keep posting on here to get help from those of us who have escaped it.

If he did a 360 he is right back where he started. He needed to do a 180.

A man who is dicking you around like this for years and makes excuses to not be with you is not that interested in you and not committed to you. He sounds like he is only annoyed/angry at the idea of you being with another man, but he doesn’t really want to be with you, if so he would’ve made that decision years ago. He is just telling you what you want to hear.

Please put this man in the past and move on. You can do so much better. Don’t waste any more of your life on him.

It actually has nothing to do with the football player. It's just an excuse he's using to go all push and pull on you again - and make our it's your fault this time.

One minute acting like ge 'forgives' you (there is nothing to forgive btw) and then the next, when he fancies making you feel like shit/shagging someone else for a while it's 'oh but actually I haven't forgiven you' attitude sll over again from him. Probably gets his kicks from watching you try and prove your love/devotion/innocence/loyalty bs.

Stop all that. You owe him none of that.

He doesn't have 'commitment issues' btw he's just a horrible human being who likes treating women like shit.

So, stop it. Stop taking him back.

Choose you.

OH OP. Sounds like a narcissist. This phase now is punishment (after the latest period of love bombing and future faking). He would have found another reason but, he’s chosen the footballer, give it no more thought.

All the times he came back, he saw you as ‘new and shiny’ again. But narcissistic people always get disappointed again when you don’t meet some unattainable standard they have in mind. Then they move on often to another victim they have in the background and round it goes.

I would suggest some counselling if you’ve been putting up with this non relationship for 5 years without being able to move on.

Please value yourself by escaping this twat. He’ll make you a miserable shadow of the person you could be. x

He's not your partner. And he left because he is a massive dick. Let him go. You want a family right? For the love of all that is good do not give any future children that for a father. Find someone who respects you.

Raise your standards and dump him, seriously, Jack Grealish girlfriend is walked over and cheated on constantly. Don't be another doormat.

Dump him and get him out of your line completely. You deserve better.

He is just a shit person. Even if he seems like he's changed, he won't have. Because he's a shit person.
He can treat you nicely when it suits him, that doesn't mean anything.
It's a pity you have feelings for him, but you are wasting your precious life on him.
I had one just like this when I was younger, a football player as well.
They like to have sex on tap while they do whatever they want.
If they get bored, you're dropped.
If they get lonely, you're back on.
You're not even special, you could be anyone convenient.
Mine still tries to contact me years later and I'm married with kids.
Trying his luck.
He's still single, now middle aged and no doubt trying to play the field like he did in his younger days.

It saddens me that you actually call him your partner. The latest football excuse is his way of backing away from you again whilst keeping you dangling, just like me has for the last five years.

Stop wasting your life on him, he doesn’t give a shit about you.

Tell him to get lost. You're wasting your time with this commitment phobic coward.

What an absolute fucking treat he is!

He messes you about, probably picking you up whenever his flock of other girls is running dry or he's going through a phase where they're all ditching him having realised he's a weapons grade bell-end.

He finally shags himself into a corner where everyone he knows, knows everyone else, knows everyone he has screwed over and treated like shit, and it occurs to him there is a better option out there...

SO he comes running back to you, because he knows he can pick up where he left off, make out like he wants to settle down... and then you'll be there at home with several small children and he can carry on playing the field once he's shackled you to the house.

You've spoilt that by shagging someone he potentially knows, or who knows people he knows, and he CANNOT have that as it risks his two worlds colliding and fucking up his game plan.

So he drops you, and probably in a few weeks/months, will come trundling back with some conditions attached... once he's found out how many people know about this and how much it damages his ego.

Do not touch this man with a bargepole, not even someone elses bargepole.

He was never your 'partner', nor will he ever be, he has zero intentions of a relationship with you that in any way comes close to what you want from life with another person.

YOu will not be the one to 'change him' he does not want to change, he has no interest in doing that, he's more than happy with the way he is.

You are wasting your time.

I am sorry to be harsh, but he will never commit to you. He doesn't respect you.

He will always find some excuse to leave and come back.

You deserve better than this. Delete his number and work on your self esteem.

You wasted 5 years on this man. If he wanted to be with you, he would. He gives you just enough to keep you taking him back and then when he gets bored, he finds another excuse not to be with you.

Cut him off.

Op, op. What are you doing. I'm sad to say he never loved you, he doesn't love you and he never will. You're a stopgap he uses to get him through slow periods with other women.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you're wasting your best years on a total loser.