My partner left because I dated a footballer!

[Staceysoo]

I met my partner 5 years ago, we were together for just under a year until he just left me out of nowhere.
the last 4 years we have continued to see each other here and there. I have always wanted to be with him but he just saw me when he felt like it whilst he dated and did everything he wanted to with other women whilst still seeing me. He made me feel like he wasn’t doing anything wrong because we weren’t together. He went through times of telling me he wanted me and then he would just drop me repeatedly. Probs because of another girl. He also slept with other girls at the same time as me which I wasn’t aware of at the time otherwise I would have cut it off.
I was an emotional wreck and suffered with anxiety because of him pulling me in repeatedly but not committing. The times we weren’t together I tried to move on with my life because he didn’t want to commit to me but the cycle would just repeat.
The start of this year he apologised to me and said he doesn’t know what he’s been doing and has issues with commitment. He told me I was the only person he wanted a family with and can only see his life with me. He’s expressed how much he loves me.
He has literally been amazing and done a 360 even though still sometimes a little emotionally distant.
whilst I was single I hardly dated due to being so in love with him I just couldn’t see myself with anyone else however there was guys I met within the last 4 years and spent time with because I felt I needed to move on with my life.
One guy I dated we went out and ended up sleeping together.
This guy I dated was a football player and so is my partner.
Recently I told my partner about the date with this guy. Since telling him he told me he didn’t want to be with me because the guy I slept with his a football player. Baring in mind this happened 2 years ago.
He said how he doesn’t want to be with a girl that’s been with a footballer but anyone else I have slept with doesn’t matter.
I just feel so let down, I put aside everything from his past to be with him yet he can’t do the same for me.

I feel like he cares if people find out and he said he knows what lads are like in the changing room. Ultimately it feels like he cares more what people would think than our relationship. Not that I think anyone would even know. I feel like he’s embarrassed of situation.

I’m trying to put myself in his shoes to understand but after the big apology and him telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. Surely our relationship means more than that? I think his pride and ego has taken over.

I’m so confused and need some opinions and thoughts?

I AM CRYING! 🤣🤣🤣

Wow, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone that has responded. Everyone’s kindness and insight has really helped me!

The really sad part about all of this is when I was writing my original post out, I was genuinely thinking how much hate am I going to get for doing what I did and people would understand his side to it.
I guess that’s what happens when you have been gaslit so much.

I am beyond grateful for all the support and tough love. I believed I wasn’t being unreasonable when speaking to my partner at the time.

Thank you for all the links they are very helpful.

I recognise I have not been looking out for myself at all and really need to sort myself out. Time to pick myself up and not accept anymore BS.

Cracking update OP. It;s indicative of how much abuse you've been unconsciously absorbing, that you expected to get more of it here.

Now you've seen clear evidence that the only people who abused you were being dicks 'cos they snobbishly liked to imagine you were some kind of dimwitted WAG, I hope your confidence is starting to soar again.

Also - thank you for accepting the Tough Love in the spirit it was intended.
I hope you have already dumped the twat, & will give yourself a LONG time away from dating, so you can properly heal from the damage he has inflicted on you. I've already posted bossy instructions on how to start going about that upthread, so will STFU soon ... but please look on your dating break as a kind of educational sabbatical, & pepper it with loads of small treats & rewards for yourself.

If you put even a quarter of the work into properly healing yourself with the support of online, published, or in-person experts (therapy) that you put into turning yourself inside out to "win" this man's "love" ... you'll do brilliantly.
Have fun with yourself, just FOR yourself: you deserve insight, peacefulness & compassion.

I’m glad if this has helped you 💐 💐

Absolutely this
(bitter experience)

The most magnificent post ever read on Mumsnet. The lesser walleted cocklodger terminology will stay with me for life, thank you.

@SmallFerret thank you. Xx
I am working on my issues now. But you are so right, he saw my need to be needed and my desperation to be loved and exploited this. It is so sad that people seek out ones they can manipulate.
Thank you for the links as well, they are amazing!! X