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Original poster

My partner left because I dated a footballer!

132 replies

Staceysoo · 30/04/2023 00:31

I met my partner 5 years ago, we were together for just under a year until he just left me out of nowhere.
the last 4 years we have continued to see each other here and there. I have always wanted to be with him but he just saw me when he felt like it whilst he dated and did everything he wanted to with other women whilst still seeing me. He made me feel like he wasn’t doing anything wrong because we weren’t together. He went through times of telling me he wanted me and then he would just drop me repeatedly. Probs because of another girl. He also slept with other girls at the same time as me which I wasn’t aware of at the time otherwise I would have cut it off.
I was an emotional wreck and suffered with anxiety because of him pulling me in repeatedly but not committing. The times we weren’t together I tried to move on with my life because he didn’t want to commit to me but the cycle would just repeat.
The start of this year he apologised to me and said he doesn’t know what he’s been doing and has issues with commitment. He told me I was the only person he wanted a family with and can only see his life with me. He’s expressed how much he loves me.
He has literally been amazing and done a 360 even though still sometimes a little emotionally distant.
whilst I was single I hardly dated due to being so in love with him I just couldn’t see myself with anyone else however there was guys I met within the last 4 years and spent time with because I felt I needed to move on with my life.
One guy I dated we went out and ended up sleeping together.
This guy I dated was a football player and so is my partner.
Recently I told my partner about the date with this guy. Since telling him he told me he didn’t want to be with me because the guy I slept with his a football player. Baring in mind this happened 2 years ago.
He said how he doesn’t want to be with a girl that’s been with a footballer but anyone else I have slept with doesn’t matter.
I just feel so let down, I put aside everything from his past to be with him yet he can’t do the same for me.

I feel like he cares if people find out and he said he knows what lads are like in the changing room. Ultimately it feels like he cares more what people would think than our relationship. Not that I think anyone would even know. I feel like he’s embarrassed of situation.

I’m trying to put myself in his shoes to understand but after the big apology and him telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. Surely our relationship means more than that? I think his pride and ego has taken over.

I’m so confused and need some opinions and thoughts?

OP posts:
fantasyhomesbythesea · 30/04/2023 07:18

Don't be that WAG who hangs on for years to a professional footballer who treats her like shit.

I hope you can move on with your life and find a genuine relationship Flowers

Pipsquiggle · 30/04/2023 07:18

He is a dickhead.
He is using you.
He has repeatedly treated you appallingly - this is who he is

Please do yourself a favour and dump and block him.

Be honest with yourself, are you just letting him treat you like this because he is a 'footballer?'

Do you enjoy the 'status'?

Just to be clear, being with a decent man who loves and respects you far outweighs the status of a short lived career.

If you do like all the trappings, please let us know as we will give you different advice. If it's about money, not sure if he gets paid a lot, most footballers don't, also let us know. There is again different advice we can give.

No judgement here about marrying for money BTW, I know several women who have done this and have happy marriages but they have tended to go for finance or tech men.

BryceQuinlan · 30/04/2023 07:19

He doesn't love you. He never will. Raise your standards and move on. This cannot be how you allow yourself to be treated anymore. You deserve better than this.

DJT86 · 30/04/2023 07:22

I was with a guy like this years ago, it ruined a couple of what I realise years late could have been decent relationships. And in fact the bloke even proposed which was even more screwed up.
What I realise is I was worth so much more. He doesn't love you sorry its lust and he enjoys the in the moment excitement

yousexybugger · 30/04/2023 07:32

It's an excuse to keep you at arms length. He quite likes having your attention for his ego but doesn't like you enough to commit properly.

Very manipulative to make this about something you've done rather than say 'look, I'm happy to meet up casually from time to time when we're both single but I wouldn't be looking for a relationship with you'.

His excuse was very spurious. Could have been anything. If it wasn't the footballer he could have said 'I don't like the way you hang your washing out'.

I'm sorry to be forthright but he doesn't love you in a romantic way and is unlikely to. Nothing wrong with you, you're just not the one for him and he doesn't have the decency to treat you with respect and leave you alone knowing that you do have much stronger feelings. Because that is what someone empathetic who cares about you as a human being would do.

Stop seeing him and cut contact. It's honestly the only way to move on. Have a defined period of time alone to lick your wounds and take stock but then move on. Otherwise you'll spend all of your best years at the mercy of his whims and shit behaviour.

2catsandhappy · 30/04/2023 07:35

He hasn't dropped you because you dated a footballer. He has dropped you because he is a scummy excuse for a man.

Block and delete him from your life. You deserve so much more.

AngelineGarcia · 30/04/2023 07:36

OP it sounds to me like it’s just another excuse not to commit. 100% manipulative. That behaviour won’t ever change. You need to disengage.

silverlentils · 30/04/2023 07:37

Catoo · 30/04/2023 03:06

OH OP. Sounds like a narcissist. This phase now is punishment (after the latest period of love bombing and future faking). He would have found another reason but, he’s chosen the footballer, give it no more thought.

All the times he came back, he saw you as ‘new and shiny’ again. But narcissistic people always get disappointed again when you don’t meet some unattainable standard they have in mind. Then they move on often to another victim they have in the background and round it goes.

I would suggest some counselling if you’ve been putting up with this non relationship for 5 years without being able to move on.

Please value yourself by escaping this twat. He’ll make you a miserable shadow of the person you could be. x

This ^^

Treacletoots · 30/04/2023 07:41

Why do men treat women like this? Because you let them OP.

Pick up your self respect from wherever you left it and perhaps do the freedom programme or something that will help you see that this isn't what a relationship looks like, not a healthy one anyway.

Backtoblack1 · 30/04/2023 07:41

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/04/2023 00:34

This man is a manipulative dick

Don’t waste another minute of your life on him

This!

Twiglets1 · 30/04/2023 07:42

Staceysoo · 30/04/2023 00:31

I met my partner 5 years ago, we were together for just under a year until he just left me out of nowhere.
the last 4 years we have continued to see each other here and there. I have always wanted to be with him but he just saw me when he felt like it whilst he dated and did everything he wanted to with other women whilst still seeing me. He made me feel like he wasn’t doing anything wrong because we weren’t together. He went through times of telling me he wanted me and then he would just drop me repeatedly. Probs because of another girl. He also slept with other girls at the same time as me which I wasn’t aware of at the time otherwise I would have cut it off.
I was an emotional wreck and suffered with anxiety because of him pulling me in repeatedly but not committing. The times we weren’t together I tried to move on with my life because he didn’t want to commit to me but the cycle would just repeat.
The start of this year he apologised to me and said he doesn’t know what he’s been doing and has issues with commitment. He told me I was the only person he wanted a family with and can only see his life with me. He’s expressed how much he loves me.
He has literally been amazing and done a 360 even though still sometimes a little emotionally distant.
whilst I was single I hardly dated due to being so in love with him I just couldn’t see myself with anyone else however there was guys I met within the last 4 years and spent time with because I felt I needed to move on with my life.
One guy I dated we went out and ended up sleeping together.
This guy I dated was a football player and so is my partner.
Recently I told my partner about the date with this guy. Since telling him he told me he didn’t want to be with me because the guy I slept with his a football player. Baring in mind this happened 2 years ago.
He said how he doesn’t want to be with a girl that’s been with a footballer but anyone else I have slept with doesn’t matter.
I just feel so let down, I put aside everything from his past to be with him yet he can’t do the same for me.

I feel like he cares if people find out and he said he knows what lads are like in the changing room. Ultimately it feels like he cares more what people would think than our relationship. Not that I think anyone would even know. I feel like he’s embarrassed of situation.

I’m trying to put myself in his shoes to understand but after the big apology and him telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. Surely our relationship means more than that? I think his pride and ego has taken over.

I’m so confused and need some opinions and thoughts?

His pride and ego do mean more to him than normal human relationships. You don't understand it because you're not a narcissist.

Do some reading around narcissism, recognise that he is a hollow man and that you are way, way better than him and move on when you feel able to. Sorry you have experienced this awful man and he has damaged your self esteem.

Stuf · 30/04/2023 07:45

I don't understand why you are with someone who treats you so badly. Why are you investing so much into someone who will not commit to you. This relationship has no future. It might help to attend counselling and get to the bottom of why you are so stuck on a man who treats you so badly.

wizzler · 30/04/2023 07:55

Honestly op, walk away. In fact run

timetochangeagainagain · 30/04/2023 07:55

OP, if this guy really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have spent four years sleeping with other people and repeatedly breaking your heart. Those are not the actions of a decent man.

I know that's really hard to believe but if I were in your position, I'd ask if I really was 'in love' or was instead addicted to the highs of all the drama he's brought into your life? I have been there! When it's over, you do eventually realise it was never 'love' at all. Counselling helped me realise that.

Princessfuckingpeach · 30/04/2023 07:56

I understand why you've mentioned his job because I had a similar situation, just with someone in a well known band.
Once he realised he wasn't my first bf who'd done a few big concerts, he almost behaved like I was a groupie when in reality it just just the circles we both moved in.
It's definitely an ego thing. Fucking move on. Ego is a vile trait once its so inflated it enters the room before the person does.

You're too much of a strong, good person to tolerate this kind of crap and I would echo PP and move that bar.

My DH is the most unassuming man, effortlessly kind, caring with only intentions of treating me well and as an equal. He's got nothing remotely glamorous about him but he makes every day fun and me happy and I wouldnt trade him for the world in my arse pocket.

You'll find that once you chuck your prize twat bf back.

Good luck 💐

MRex · 30/04/2023 07:56

This man doesn't respect you, and doesn't care about you as a fellow human. He can only bring you unhappiness. Move on, quickly.

yaboreme · 30/04/2023 08:00

Run!!!

If you had slept with a doctor it would have been 'if you had slept with anyone but a doctor'...... he's changed his mind and is making it your fault.

MrsRickAstley · 30/04/2023 08:03

We get what we allow.

samestyle · 30/04/2023 08:03

It makes no difference as he didn't want a relationship with you before knowing that either, I'm sure he'll be back when there's no one else to use, but I'd advise you to be the one that stops this nonsense, have some self respect.

Dibbydoos · 30/04/2023 08:06

Phil Nevilles wife dated a few other footballers before him but he didn't care did he? No, because he loves her.

This guy does not love you. Find someone who's ego isn't as big as the sun.

Good luck OP, but def bin him on the way to having a great life.

IncompleteSenten · 30/04/2023 08:16

He's full of shit. He doesn't give a fuck about the footballer.

He's an arsehole and this is just another stick to beat you with.

Go back to your op and read it out loud and ask yourself why you even want this man anyway.

RosaBonheur · 30/04/2023 08:20

Why do you even want this dickhead in your life?

SecretSwirrel · 30/04/2023 08:20

As I’m sure others have already pointed out, you’re missing the point.

Please seriously consider getting rid of this man, he’s a dud. For the long haul, kids etc, a relationship needs strong roots. If you do end up settling down and having kids with this man, he is always going to cheat on you and most likely you’ll end up going it alone with your kids.

If I were you I’d ditch him and get myself to counselling to explore why I’m still hanging on for such an unavailable man.

You might not think so now but you are worth so much more than this OP.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 30/04/2023 08:21

He’s actually doing an favour ditching you now for this reason. He knows he and you won’t change and he has double standards so he’s giving you a get out clause.

LTB. Do some therapy to work out why you’re attracted to dicks like this and then get your mojo back.

TheMossEnthusiast · 30/04/2023 08:23

Ruuuunnn awaaaayyy from this garbage man

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