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Original poster

Is he embarrassed by me?

461 replies

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:09

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 29/04/2023 09:51

Unforgivable behaviour.

Leave the pathetic prick

theleafandnotthetree · 29/04/2023 09:52

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 02:59

His colleagues said I wasn't an embarrassment at all

But why was this even a question to be answered? Were you hammered? Did you try and straddle him in the bar? Fall out of your dress? Flirt outrageously with his co-workers? I'm confused!

CheshireCat1 · 29/04/2023 09:52

He’s totally embarrassed himself because he’s obviously been telling his colleagues a pack of lies at work and now been found out to be a liar. I’d love to be a fly on the wall in his workplace as he’s got a big hole to dig himself out of.
I’m sorry that you’ve been treated with so much contempt by your husband, it’s difficult to see where you can go from here. Best of luck and stay strong.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 29/04/2023 09:53

He's a piece of shit

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:57

What’s the chances that you and your sis in law went to same pub as him and his colleagues?!

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:57

He’s appalling
but I’d hedge a bet that you knew he was there and made a bee line to that venue so you could “introduce” yourself

be honest op. No judgement here. He’s a tool

Bergan · 29/04/2023 09:58

WeeblesWobbled · 29/04/2023 08:48

This has brought back memories of something similar that happened to me when I was married many years ago. I came home from studying late at the library (my husband had told me to stay away because he was having a few friends round) to find that he had laid on a full on dinner party, not just a few drinks. He was playing the host and they were all having a wonderful time, laughing, boozing. The table was laden with beautiful food. He didn't invite me to take part or even introduce me to them. At the time I was very lacking in confidence - the complete opposite to him. I had no self esteem and just accepted that I was not good enough to be introduced to them. As a PP talked about earlier I was aware that there was a difference in our attractiveness at the time - I was overweight - but thought he had married me because that sort of thing didn't bother him (he was always saying that). I spent the night hiding away, listening to him playing lord of the manor in a house I had bought years before I met him; me a stranger in my own home.

He took me completely for granted throughout the marriage and in my case I allowed him to. I didn't know any better. My mother had crushed all the self esteem out of me from the time that I was a child, telling me that I was ugly compared to my beautiful sister. And I believed her because other people said it too. All my life I had sought someone who would see beyond looks and love me for me; and I thought he was that someone. It sounds like a cliche to say this but I later discovered that I really had to learn to love myself. But even after loads of counselling over the years and success in other areas of my life I still have this profound lack of self esteem - people walk all over me, even though I am now in my sixties.

Please please have a long hard think about what happened. Be honest with yourself. What sort of relationship do you want your dc to go on to have? You are modelling relationships for them, remember. Your self esteem has been worn down to the point that you can't recognise abuse for what it is.

I hope you are not with him now xx

PaintedEgg · 29/04/2023 10:01

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:57

What’s the chances that you and your sis in law went to same pub as him and his colleagues?!

Depends on where they live - possibly quite high

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:03

PaintedEgg · 29/04/2023 10:01

Depends on where they live - possibly quite high

Show quote history

In which case, why would he be surprised by her turning up? He would have known going out in all likelihood given they have young children together

Echobelly · 29/04/2023 10:05

I wouldn't assume a colleague's partner was stalking if we bumped onto one another on a night out - certainly not if the colleague was pleased to see them. In the scenario that he was embarassed because he thought it seemed stalker-y, then he's the one who's made it look that way by reacting so negatively!

So he's made a fool of himself - if he'd just said hi and you'd gone on your way no one would have thought anything of it. Now he's made a scene they might actually go 'Oooh, bit of an atmosphere between Mr @Anonymous881 and his wife! What's that about?!' What a dumbass he was about this

Doggymummar · 29/04/2023 10:06

How awful

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:06

I reckon his brother knew where he was
mentioned it to his wife
wife mentioned to op

and off they trotted there

op - use this space as a place to be entirely honest! You are with a disrespectful twat and if you did make a bee line there with the express intention of “bumping” into you him - fair enough!

PaintedEgg · 29/04/2023 10:06

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:03

In which case, why would he be surprised by her turning up? He would have known going out in all likelihood given they have young children together

Show quote history

thats the point - he probably wasn't surprised so much as he was angry. Even in bigger cities you always run a risk of bumping into someone you know...I live in North and I've bumped into a friend in London.

He wasn't surprised, he was clearly mad he got caught

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:07

Well he’s a bit thick then? No surprised that he’s caught out is a little odd

Echobelly · 29/04/2023 10:08

But I do fear not telling them about you was because he wants freedom to flirt/have flings at work, sadly. There's no professional reason not to - for men at least, sadly. 'Family men' are seen as more reliable and given more promotions, and, of course, the opposite for women 🙄https://www.hrmagazine.co.uk/content/news/fathers-twice-as-likely-to-be-promoted-as-mothers

So professionally he should be letting people know he has a wife and kids, so the only reason not to is to appear single 😑

Guineasrule · 29/04/2023 10:08

He is absolutly out of order. I understand the keep work and home life separate, I don't share too much personally. My male colleagues are like gossiping tarts in comparison but neither am I embarrassed. If we all met in a pub I would absolutely introduce them to everyone (and brace myself for the Q&A session on Monday morning).

What was your SIL's take on all this if she is married to his brother?

TheHandbag · 29/04/2023 10:09

File for a quick divorce asap and make an example of him. Let people know that he ruined his marriage because he prioritised his colleagues over his wife. Call his family and tell them what he said and you have a witness so he can't minimise it.

Your marriage is over, there's no coming back from this. I think he's told people at work that he's single because why else would they think you were hitting on them. The twat is furious because you inadvertently blew his cover and made people aware that he's married.

Marcinon · 29/04/2023 10:10

What did/does your sil say about this?
I’d be ott in my reaction back now and would have changed the locks and left a bag of clothes on the doorstep for him to help him clear his head of such nonsense!

Oysterbabe · 29/04/2023 10:10

He's behaviour is so, so bizarre. His colleagues must think he's lost the plot, I would if a colleague behaved like that. Any normal person would have introduced you.

ImSoShiney · 29/04/2023 10:10

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. He sounds like an abusive cheating cunt. Please start reflecting on other parts of your relationship because I dare bet there is a lot he's conditioned you in to thinking is normal. Have you got a good support network? A person you can speak to in confidence who isn't related to him? He's willing to humiliate you publicly, that's not just a red flag, that's a 5 mile bunting of red flags. What's next?

Goodoccasionallypoor · 29/04/2023 10:11

VaddaABeetch · 29/04/2023 06:55

Your husband has treated you with contempt.

once contempt enters a relationship theres’s no going back.

I agree with this.

You can't repair this kind of problem.

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:12

TheHandbag · 29/04/2023 10:09

File for a quick divorce asap and make an example of him. Let people know that he ruined his marriage because he prioritised his colleagues over his wife. Call his family and tell them what he said and you have a witness so he can't minimise it.

Your marriage is over, there's no coming back from this. I think he's told people at work that he's single because why else would they think you were hitting on them. The twat is furious because you inadvertently blew his cover and made people aware that he's married.

What an odd, undignified, dramatic and not in the interests of the Op and certainly not her children, response

Thegoodbadandugly · 29/04/2023 10:14

This is not right op something is very wrong here.

TheHandbag · 29/04/2023 10:15

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:12

What an odd, undignified, dramatic and not in the interests of the Op and certainly not her children, response

Show quote history

Is it in the interest of the op and her children to stay with an abusive husband who treats her with contempt and publicly humiliates her? Should she as a woman put up and shut up?

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/04/2023 10:15

ASGIRC · Today 02:57
If he was my husbandhed be sleeping on the couch tonight, and id be having a very serious conversation about our relationship tomorrow.”

If he were mine, he’d be sleeping on the street and there wouldn’t be a tomorrow.

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