Is he embarrassed by me?

[Anonymous881]

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

there is being private and there is pretending you are single at work...

I don't buy the whole "separating your personal and professional life" argument when it is to this degree - I dont talk personal life almost at all, but its nearly impossible to not mention being married in a casual conversation unless you put a lot of effort in trying to hide it

Red flags, he obviously doesn’t want to be with u.

What a wanker. I would assume he's shagging someone at work or projecting himself as a lad banging a different woman every weekend. He's embarrassed because his work colleagues now know what a lying scumbag he is. Leave the bastard. He's an embarrassment.

Sounds like people at work now knows he has a wife and is a scumbag being as his shagging the woman at work.

Scream affair otherwise what’s the problem for workers knowing his married? Why is he hiding you?

My dh acted similarly once. It was because he didn't want his fuck buddies/hangers on to know he was lumbered with a wife.

Please tell us he's an ex!

The way he spoke to you was completely out of order and there are some ref flags there. However, trying to work out what the other side MIGHT be (not to defend him but also not to jump straight to LTB!)

We're you very drunk and behaving in an Ott way. I don't get the impression you were from your posts, bit that's one of the few situations I can imagine saying my husband was embarrassing me (or if he was rude to someone I was with).

Do you mean you actually stayed sitting / standing with them for an hour, or were just in the same bar for an hour. I do think if you are on separate night outs you shouldn't really assume you can gatecrash for an hour. It would be weird not to say hello and have a quick chat though!

Did he think it wasn't a coincidence and you were checking up on him / trying to get invited on his work night out, when it wasn't. Partner thing, which could be seen as embarrassing or controlling.

I'm not saying any of these did happen, or that they would be an excuse to tell you to fuck off, just trying to imagine what could be behind it.

In terms of the not knowing about you, that could suggest he is acting single at work, but equally they may not all be colleagues he works closely with. I can well imagine ending up on a night out with some colleagues who actually I'm not sure on the relationship status of, because we don't have that much to do with each other in work and I'm not one to ask their entire life story straight away, but because of mutual friends or our work or trans overlapping in some way, we could easily end up on the same work night out.

Either way how he behaved is unacceptable, but I wouldn't jump straight to he wants to be single or he's usually embarrassed by you without further exploration.

But what on earth would he be embarrassed about? It’s not like you clung round his neck or behaved like an excited teenager. The normal thing would be ‘hi husband’ ‘ hi wife didn’t expect to see you this evening, guys this is my wife Anonymous’ hello all round, ‘ see you later’ you and SIL go off for your drinks.
He’s behaving irrationally and I’d suspect his behaviour at work is that of a single man.
They didn’t know he was a dad either?

I'd take him at his word and fuck off as he requested! What a cretin you've got as a partner.

I think you should be seeing not red flags but a divorce lawyer, tbh.

I would really love to know your SILs take on this. Presumably, you get on well given you were out together. Did she notice? Did you discuss it after? Will she back you up and pull him up on it? I hope she is a support to you.

It's truly inexcusable what he did. It's just insane to think you would ever treat the person you supposedly love like that. I'm so sorry OP.

All other things being equal (assuming you weren't out of control drunk and you didn't sit down with him with your entire group for the whole hour - even if either of those were the case, the way he spoke to you is out of order), this is 'no coming back from' territory and I would be packing him a bag this morning. Be angry. Be very angry.

Ah apologies just seen SIL is not his sister; she's married to your husband's brother. So probably not her place to tell him off in a way an actual sister could!

I'd seriously be reconsidering the relationship if I'm honest.

I get that some people keep home and work like separate but this is another level. He's embarrassed himself.

My husband would have been dragging me over to meet his colleagues and proudly showing me off. Not pretending I don't exist.

He's embarrassed himself. If I was one of his colleagues I'd be appalled at him getting angry with you and telling you to fuck off just for saying hello. How disrespectful.

It's not you. FGS even some of the colleagues said you weren't "embarassing him".

The fact that he wanted to hide your existence (and presumably that of your joint child) is concerning in itself. There's only one reason I can think of why a man pretends he's single when he isn't.

I'm so sorry this happened it must have been awful.

When you saw him out he should have been pleased to see you, called you over and introduced you to his colleagues. I can't believe how horrible he was.

You seriously need to address this, the whole relationship.

Were you drunk and loud? Did you tell offensive jokes? That could be embarrassing. Otherwise he is out of order.

He said this in front of his work colleagues? They must also think he's a right twat too.

How do you deal with it? You file for divorce e that's how!

He said that in front of his colleagues? I hope they were shocked & appalled.

I do find the whole scenario odd though. If I was out with colleagues and one of their spouses ‘just happened’ to come to the same place I’d feel sorry and mortified for them as I’d assume some sort of stalking/domestic abuse. I’m not embarrassed by DH and assume he’s not embarrassed by me and our colleagues know we are married etc, but if I went out and found by dumb luck it was where he was with friends or colleagues, no way I’d go over say hi and try and join in. I’d quietly make an exit and go somewhere else so I wouldn’t be perceived as stalking him. I’d expect him to do the same in such a scenario.

This is a very odd reaction. If I bumped into my DH on a night out (which actually happens as we like drinking in the same places) we'd just be happy to see each other.

We'd both be really upset if our first reaction was to sneak out without acknowledging that we'd seen each other.

Why would you DH think you were stalking him? That's really strange.

One of my colleagues told his wife to fuck off whilst we were on a video call. Believe me, the only one I think badly of is him.

Your husband's colleagues will now have a very low opinion of him, but because of his actions, not because of anything you did

That's absolutely disgusting, I couldn't forgive this.

If I saw my partner when out with people he didn't know, I would be so proud to introduce him to everyone.

Horrible behaviour.

Also, his colleagues will now think he's an arsehole.

What he said was unforgivable. Was it just a coincidence that you all ended up in the same place though? Or did you go, knowing specifically that he would be there with his colleagues?

What did your SIL say? Surely she’s gone home to her DH and said ‘you won’t believe what your dickhead brother has done tonight? He spoke to his wife like she was a POS? And none of his colleagues even know he’s married? I’d get her backing on this.

And I genuinely think you should pack a few things and leave today and tonight. Ruin his Bank Holiday. When he asks why say ‘you told me to fuck off?’

How long has he worked there? If it’s a couple of weeks, then maybe it’s forgivable they didn’t know about you. If it’s over six months and he goes in everyday, then it’s very odd.