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Original poster

Is he embarrassed by me?

461 replies

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:09

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

OP posts:
sugarrosepetal · 29/04/2023 12:44

fourlambbhunas · 29/04/2023 01:49

I would be paranoid that the reason they are all shocked that he has a girlfriend and the reason he's so angry about you introducing yourself is because he has some kind of relationship going on with a colleague...

Exactly this. Could he be having an affair with a work colleague and you've just outed him?

Flappingtarps · 29/04/2023 12:47

Op this is really awful! The way he treated you was despicable. I know you weren’t, but even if you had been loud and boorish or you were wearing a bright luminous green frog costume, it shouldn’t matter. If your dh had any decency, or knew how to behave, he would have been kind to you and treated you with respect. It’s basic manners apart from anything else.

Your dh sounds as though he has the maturity of a fifteen year old quite frankly and no pride in himself or his family.

Honestly, if that had been me, and my husband said that to me in front of his work colleagues, I would have literally taken him at his word and got the details for a divorce lawyer. You are being far too tolerant.

WindInMyWillows · 29/04/2023 12:48

You're not the embarrassment OP he is!
Such a bizarre reaction to a perfectly normal situation.
Having a wife and child is not some dirty secret to be ashamed of when 'outed'. It's wierd as fuck.

Wanting to keep work/home seperate is not a reasonable explanation. I'd be thinking he either thinks your not good enough for him and rumbled his reputation. He's having/planning an affair or hes just a complete head fuck that leads two seperate lifes. Whatever the reason his actions are not that of a loving husband or a family man.

FictionalCharacter · 29/04/2023 12:49

GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2023 11:29

Quite. That really is embarrassing and I'd be pointing this out to him today OP.

Show quote history

Yep. He told you to fuck off which was absolutely shameful, you moved away to another area, then some of the colleagues made the effort to come over and talk to you even though they didn’t know you. I bet they were horrified by him. They’ll be talking about him when they get back to the office, for sure, and not in a complimentary way.

ShitFacedOnRetsina · 29/04/2023 12:51

I imagine that his work colleagues think he is single because they know he behaves like a single man. That is why he can't explain to you what it was that embarrassed him. If he tells the truth, he is essentially confessing to being a cheat.

There is no way you will get the truth out of him OP.

ShitFacedOnRetsina · 29/04/2023 12:52

If my DH told me to fuck off, I would do exactly that. That would be the last thing he ever got to say to me within the marriage.

Hotfootgoose · 29/04/2023 12:53

Wow. That is too awful for words. I would be divorced by the following afternoon.

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 29/04/2023 12:53

What a revolting creature

JudgeRudy · 29/04/2023 12:55

@TheMoops
He bumped into his wife....seriously it's as simple as that. There is no need for the overthinking. It's a perfectly normal thing to happen.

I'm offering a suggestion as to why he felt so awkward. I'd guess for those two although it not 'abnormal' it's uncommon, even rare. In my 20s I'd bump into partners frequently because I was out every weekend. Not so much in my 30s very rare now. I'd be surprised if it happened now and would prefer to keep things separate. I would never tell my OH to FO though. That's rather an extreme reaction.

FofD · 29/04/2023 12:58

Does he have any photo's of you or your children on his phone- on the background screen/close screen/wallpaper etc?

I realise not everyone has family pictures on their phone but it does seem like he is trying to hide you.

StaunchMomma · 29/04/2023 13:15

If he hasn't told his colleagues about you then they also won't know about your child.

This is about as big a red flag as I could possibly imagine.

He wants to appear single at work. You need to take some time to think about why that would be the case.

He was vile to you in front of people - that's horrible, BUT they didn't even know you exist and THAT would be my reason for packing his bags for him!

Nottodayy · 29/04/2023 13:17

I would not go to my DHs when he is out with mates. I’m just plainly shy and I wouldn’t like it myself.
At his last Xmas party he was at local restaurant, having a fun with his mates, I was walking outside from the shops, passing this venue and I would never dream to even be seen outside .. Why would I?

TheMoops · 29/04/2023 13:22

I'm offering a suggestion as to why he felt so awkward. I'd guess for those two although it not 'abnormal' it's uncommon, even rare. In my 20s I'd bump into partners frequently because I was out every weekend. Not so much in my 30s very rare now. I'd be surprised if it happened now and would prefer to keep things separate. I would never tell my OH to FO though. That's rather an extreme reaction.

But she's his wife. Why would you ever feel awkward at bumping into your partner of 10 years? It doesn't matter if bumping into them while out in a pub was uncommon, he lives with her, has a child with her and presumably sees her every day.

Why would that make you feel awkward unless you have something to hide?

MRex · 29/04/2023 13:26

Nottodayy · 29/04/2023 13:17

I would not go to my DHs when he is out with mates. I’m just plainly shy and I wouldn’t like it myself.
At his last Xmas party he was at local restaurant, having a fun with his mates, I was walking outside from the shops, passing this venue and I would never dream to even be seen outside .. Why would I?

What's embarrassing about being seen with your DH? This is someone you presumably live with, love, sleep with, discuss bills with, agree furniture with - yet you can't say hi when they are sitting in a pub?!?!

ThatFraggle · 29/04/2023 13:40

Goodoccasionallypoor · 29/04/2023 10:11

I agree with this.

You can't repair this kind of problem.

Show quote history

The gottman institute which studies relationships also said this. They did a study where they chartered microexpressions of couples.

Where there was a microexpression of contempt, the relationship did not last.

honeylulu · 29/04/2023 13:45

If my DH told me to fuck off, I would do exactly that. Yes, same. I would indeed fuck off, and stay fucked off permanently.

Littleworkaholic · 29/04/2023 13:47

Nottodayy · 29/04/2023 13:17

I would not go to my DHs when he is out with mates. I’m just plainly shy and I wouldn’t like it myself.
At his last Xmas party he was at local restaurant, having a fun with his mates, I was walking outside from the shops, passing this venue and I would never dream to even be seen outside .. Why would I?

Good lord. That’s unbelievable.

momtoboys · 29/04/2023 13:49

I’m so sorry this happened to you. He is an awful man.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 29/04/2023 13:52

Unless you were absolutely off your face and staggered up screeching and yelling, spoke to him in ridiculous baby talk, or ran round the group pinching arses, or similar, I don't understand how you could have been embarrassing him.

Being treated by my partner in that contemptuous manner would make my love shrivel up and die.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 29/04/2023 13:55

I should also say that I am pretty introverted, so would have been unlikely to be out myself, hahaha, and while I would have acknowledged him, probably wouldn't have wanted to go up to him when he was in a group of strangers, but also recognise that my thoughts/behaviour is outside the norm, and that for most other people, what you describe would have been a complete non-issue.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 29/04/2023 14:10

Oh my goodness OP, that’s utterly appalling behaviour by your so-called husband. He treated you with utter contempt, which he expressed loudly and publicly. I’m so sorry, but your relationship isn’t what you think it is. There’s no recovery from this sort of attitude, as far as I know.

When my ex-husband started speaking to me in a tone indicating contempt it turned out it was because he had several mistresses on the go. That’s what cheaters do - they nit-pick and look down on you, to justify their cheating and rotten decision making.

I’d bet good money on the fact your husband is already cheating or at least trying to cheat. You deserve so much better.

My lovely Fiancé is proud of me and loves to introduce me to friends and colleagues. That’s how it should be.

TheMarsian · 29/04/2023 14:12

I agree about contempt and huge red flags.

And he can’t explain why he was angry because he knows fully well the reason isn’t one you will gladly accept…

Burgoo · 29/04/2023 14:27

God I want my wife to come say hello! I am proud of how beautiful, lovely and perfect she is to me. I want to show her off! (Not in a possessive way!)

Echobelly · 29/04/2023 14:30

@Littleworkaholic - I think you misread my post. I was saying that the OP hadn't done anything wrong and her husband made a scene and embarrassed himself by being unpleasant, I wasn't blaming her at all.

FuckNuggets · 29/04/2023 14:32

HoppingPavlova · 29/04/2023 05:05

There is no way your DH speaking to you like that is acceptable, absolutely not.

I do find the whole scenario odd though. If I was out with colleagues and one of their spouses ‘just happened’ to come to the same place I’d feel sorry and mortified for them as I’d assume some sort of stalking/domestic abuse. I’m not embarrassed by DH and assume he’s not embarrassed by me and our colleagues know we are married etc, but if I went out and found by dumb luck it was where he was with friends or colleagues, no way I’d go over say hi and try and join in. I’d quietly make an exit and go somewhere else so I wouldn’t be perceived as stalking him. I’d expect him to do the same in such a scenario.

This is just weird! @HoppingPavlova you wouldn't go over and say "Hi" if you saw your partner when you were out? Why on earth not?