DH moving out

[Kelliesmile]

Dont really know what answers i will get but i feel so alone right now.
A bit of background incase you haven't seen any of my previous posts.
DH quit his job before Christmas (which is nothing new he quits jobs alot) and has been a lazy so and so ever since. I've been picking up overtime just to pay the bills, rent etc and I am absolutely shattered. Then to come home to a messy house just makes my blood boil which then makes me start moaning! (I have tried to ignore it and say nothing also)
For the last 3 weeks I've been telling him how unhappy I am and that I feel things are not working, he said he will make more effort but he hasn't.
Today we got into another row over the same old stuff (crisps and chocolate wrappers left on the settee, pots in the sink when there wasnt any when i left, tea and milk spilt all over the side etc)
So another row and he came into my face called me a F@#%*!g c@%& and said he hated me!
I said if that's how he felt then he needed to pack some stuff and go.
He made a call then said he was leaving tomorrow, taking all his things and never wants to see me ever again. I instantly felt a huge relief and even went to the corner shop and got some boxes for him.
As the evening went on we were civil, although he was saying its my fault because I nag all the time but I just ignored him.
Before I came to bed 3 hours ago, he said I had 24 hours to sort my shit out and ask to talk and he would stay.
WTF is that about 🤷‍♀️ so for the last 3 hours I've been in bed with a huge mix of emotions and I have to be up in 5 hours for yet another day of work.
I know us splitting is the right thing to do in the long run cause clearly neither of us are happy but it still hurts. I'm not perfect, but I will put my hands up amd accept some responsibility for this marriage break down where he is just passing the blame.
Hes already took his ring off, changed his fb status to single and told his family and friends its over.
So why say ive 24 hours to change and chat?
Any advice would be appreciated

You’d be mad to stay with him.

Oh my good giddy God, that is hilarious! Cheeky bastard. Tell him I can hear the back-pedalling from here!

Well done OP 🌺

Ughhh the dramatics and Facebook status shit would seal the deal for me. He’s hoping that it will manipulate you into panicking and backtracking. What a loser. He’s literally a complete and utter loser who brings nothing to the table, financially but also physically and emotionally.

You don’t mention children so consider this as your route of escape and you don’t have to deal with this manchild for the rest of your life. I would split and I highly recommend counselling (once you’ve removed your biggest expense!) to establish how you ended up here. This was so helpful to me to understand my patterns and reasons for choosing shit men, and helped me to not choose another shit one.

Tell him you've taken the day off to help him pack ! Don't forget to take his key.

Oh god, the loser has nowhere to go and hopes he will manipulate you to keep him. I really hope you won't but the fact that you have posted about "feeling so alone" and "accepting some of the responsibility" for the marriage breakdown makes me worried that you will cave into him.

Prove me wrong! X

wot an arse

i'd say i don't need 24 hours to decide you need to leave so pack your stuff and go now

This. Fucking hell, OP, his behaviour is so immature! Please don’t change your mind. You’ve said yourself it’s best finished and from this post it’s obvious why. Whatever your other problems are in the relationship, if this is how he deals with difficult situations he is not a keeper

Be prepared for him to whinge 'how will I survive on my own if you're not there ?' sob story
(Remind yourself that means cooking, cleaning, paying for everything)

Here's your chance to hold fast and get this man child, cocklodger out once and for all, it'll never be this easy again.
Keep strong and don't get drawn back in.

Stick to your guns OP you're nearly there.

When he leaves change the locks

Just move on, if your instinct told you that you were relieved and happy when you thought it was over, then honour your feelings and make sure it ends.

He is panicking at the thought of leaving his comfortable billet. Tell him the decision has been made and there is nothing to talk about.

Your first reaction was relief. That tells you all you need to know.

His behaviour is so pathetic, laughable really! He sounds like a teenage boy with the messiness, the laziness, and the pièce de résistance; the Facebook status update. What an absolute cock, you’d think he was 16, although that’s an insult to most 16 year olds.

He’s shitting himself now that he’s said all this, clearly worried that he’s going to actually have to do it. It was all for dramatic effect obviously. He’s back peddling very hard now because what are his other options?

Stick to your guns and chuck him out, not your problem any more. A but if standing on his own feet will do him good. Just thank your lucky stars you don’t have kids with this feckless individual.

@suburbophobe

what happened to 21st century men?!

Some (most?) didn't evolve - OP's lazy hopefully soon to be Ex-H is a clear example

@Kelliesmile
It made me smile when I read you went and bought him boxes to move out - he wasn't expecting that!! Don't give him any time to breath, certainly not 24hrs. In fact you might take on an extra chore if he's dragging his heels and pack his stuff into those lovely boxes. A parting gift. And I echo the other PPs: change your locks and let your landlord know your STBXH has left. Thank goodness the tenancy is just in your name so you've changed the locks and give the landlord a spare.

Don't forget to change your Will and death in service and life insurance beneficiary to exclude him. I'm assuming all the utility bills and broadband router are in your name. If necessary change passwords on your router, Netflix etc, Amazon etc and other shopping and banking accounts.

And also claim your 25% single occupancy council tax discount. (See, his departure is paying off already).

Good luck to you OP. I think you'll be fine! 🌹

You know he won't change and it won't get any better. He expected you to be begging him to stay! You will thrive without him.

Congratulations, now go and live your life in peace. He will always be a loser x

@Kelliesmile sorry you are in this spot but massive congratulations on standing your ground. The way he is acting now makes me want to shunt him out the door faster. Changing his fb status etc - how f’ing immature.

That relief. Yep. I know that feeling. Listen to it.

You deserve so much more from life.

Of course he doesn't want to leave. He has no job and he's a useless lump but when he's with you that doesn't matter (to him) because you pick up the slack. he thought you would be desperate to get him back and would back down and beg his forgiveness. hahahahahahah.

Stick to your guns

Who does he think he is??!!. Get shot, you know its the right thing. Onward and upwards from now on.

Very good advice.

Goodness OP your Christmas has come early!

You will be sad at the end of any relationship, however he is a complete drain on you. Hold on to thoughts of not coming home to cleaning up after him, funding him & putting up with his crap.

I just hope he sticks to his word. I’d have a locksmith out as soon as soon as he left.

Please take the advice of all of these anonymous sisters!!! We can see, clear as day, you need to get rid of him. Not one single reply has suggested staying with this manchild. You deserve better, and you are a hair's breadth from getting free!! DO NOT EVEN INDULGE IN CONVERSATION!!! Over, over, out!!!

You need to hold on to the relief you felt when he said he was going.

If even deep down you still felt anything good towards the relationship, relief is not what you would have felt.

I'm sorry you are going through this but I think it's obvious that it's the right way forward for you.

You can tell when someone is bluffing as they immediately put everything in motion to make sure everyone knows you have split up. But never REALLY anything practical, eg, a place to stay, or any plans moving forward. Hoping you would realise your mistake and would beg for him back. Nice little bit of emotional manipulation.