Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH moving out

185 replies

Kelliesmile · 24/04/2023 01:32

Dont really know what answers i will get but i feel so alone right now.
A bit of background incase you haven't seen any of my previous posts.
DH quit his job before Christmas (which is nothing new he quits jobs alot) and has been a lazy so and so ever since. I've been picking up overtime just to pay the bills, rent etc and I am absolutely shattered. Then to come home to a messy house just makes my blood boil which then makes me start moaning! (I have tried to ignore it and say nothing also)
For the last 3 weeks I've been telling him how unhappy I am and that I feel things are not working, he said he will make more effort but he hasn't.
Today we got into another row over the same old stuff (crisps and chocolate wrappers left on the settee, pots in the sink when there wasnt any when i left, tea and milk spilt all over the side etc)
So another row and he came into my face called me a F@#%*!g c@%& and said he hated me!
I said if that's how he felt then he needed to pack some stuff and go.
He made a call then said he was leaving tomorrow, taking all his things and never wants to see me ever again. I instantly felt a huge relief and even went to the corner shop and got some boxes for him.
As the evening went on we were civil, although he was saying its my fault because I nag all the time but I just ignored him.
Before I came to bed 3 hours ago, he said I had 24 hours to sort my shit out and ask to talk and he would stay.
WTF is that about 🤷‍♀️ so for the last 3 hours I've been in bed with a huge mix of emotions and I have to be up in 5 hours for yet another day of work.
I know us splitting is the right thing to do in the long run cause clearly neither of us are happy but it still hurts. I'm not perfect, but I will put my hands up amd accept some responsibility for this marriage break down where he is just passing the blame.
Hes already took his ring off, changed his fb status to single and told his family and friends its over.
So why say ive 24 hours to change and chat?
Any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Weallgottachangesometime · 24/04/2023 06:51

He’s probably bricking it now realising that you are actually wanting to break up. He’s realising he can’t free load anymore. Sounds like you are right to split up, I couldn’t put up with that behaviour either.

I hope you managed to get some sleep and I hope he does in fact leave today.

DelphiniumBlue · 24/04/2023 06:56

You know you want him out, so don't backtrack. Keep remembering that feeling of relief.
But there will be a short period of difficulty, obviously he won't actually want to leave because who's going to provide for him if you split up? So you will have to make it clear that you do want him to go, you will have to say that he has to go. Give him a deadline. Pack his boxes for him. Change your Fb status too. Start divorce proceedings. Don't let him think there's any chance you might change your mind.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 24/04/2023 06:56

"he said I had 24 hours to sort my shit out and ask to talk and he would stay"

Well that's big of him 🙄 Look forward to your new life without this lazy bastard dragging you down, hope the door hits him in the arse on the way out.

JustAnotherUsey · 24/04/2023 07:05

Stick to your resolve op. He obviously doesn't want to go. He's not working, you're supporting him and cleaning up after him. He's living his best life. Why would he want to leave! Don't put up with it anymore! Make sure he leaves today! He brings literally nothing to your life!

Blueblell · 24/04/2023 07:06

He is hoping you will beg him to stay without having to change his behaviour! If you are supporting him financially of course he doesn’t want to leave.

Paq · 24/04/2023 07:10

He's suddenly realised he has to adult. Don't back down, he sounds horrendous!

Popetthetreehugger · 24/04/2023 07:34

Please take any important papers or sentimental things with you to work . That flash of relief was the real deal . Onward and upwards x

piedbeauty · 24/04/2023 07:38

He's scared he's going to lose his easy life and that you will stop bankrolling him.

He sounds awful - immature, emotionally stunted and as lazy as hell. And manipulative!

Stick to your guns. You can feel relaxed and happy every day on your own home when he leaves.

loislovesstewie · 24/04/2023 07:42

I'd ask him if he wants help packing. Let him go, he's a lazy good for nothing and you deserve better.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/04/2023 07:46

He's unbelievable, isn't he? He is giving you time? You shouldn't have given him all this time since Christmas. What a waste of space he is. Help him to pack and send him on his way.

Daleksatemyshed · 24/04/2023 07:46

So you make all the money and do the housework, while he sits on his lazy arse eating and yet he thinks leaving you is a threat. Get his stuff packed in those boxes Op because he's never going unless you push him
Love that you got boxes for him, I'd have loved to see his face when you gave them to him 😂

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 24/04/2023 07:52

Do not back down op!

Starlightstarbright1 · 24/04/2023 07:55

Just focus on thar nice tidy house when you come home from work.

He wants you to beg so he can then say you wanted me to say

HappyTrance · 24/04/2023 07:56

Oh well he’ll have to get a job so he can pay the rent in his new place.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/04/2023 07:58

Daleksatemyshed · 24/04/2023 07:46

So you make all the money and do the housework, while he sits on his lazy arse eating and yet he thinks leaving you is a threat. Get his stuff packed in those boxes Op because he's never going unless you push him
Love that you got boxes for him, I'd have loved to see his face when you gave them to him 😂

I would have loved to have seen his face too! He probably thought you were going to bring back a bottle of wine and apologise for your bad behaviour and suggest going to bed to make up. Instead, you came back with a load of flatpack boxes!

Dibbydoos · 24/04/2023 08:01

He's deflecting responsibility. It's something he's been doing a lot based on you saying he quits jobs a lot and hasn't worked since Dec, but does nothing to pay his way and then expects you to pick up after him? What an AH.

Do you have to leave to go to work? Will he do anything stupid whilst you're gone? Be amicable or just go to work. You've list nothing except a millstone. He's a lost cause (I want to say at the moment but Im not sure he's mature enough to sort his shit), this is on him.

Londontoderby · 24/04/2023 08:04

Hahaha! YOU have 24 hours lol. Haha.

He wants you to change your mind and let him stay because he likes lasting about doing nothing then blaming it on you. He doesn’t want that to end. Kick him out.

Thelittlekingdom · 24/04/2023 08:06

He’s a piece of work isn’t he. Talk about a freeloading lazy bastard. Let him go and make sure you get his key back from him or have the locks changed.

DartmoorWild · 24/04/2023 08:11

He's just realised his meal ticket is actually calling his bluff, what an idiot!

Don't back down, press on with your new life. Just be prepared for more emotional blackmail. He's got a lot more to lose than you.

MammaTo · 24/04/2023 08:20

He’s a professional tenant and will probably move on to another poor unsuspecting lady. Be glad you’re rid of him.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 24/04/2023 08:21

Wow what an awful and horrid man he is....

He's given YOU time to sift your shit out, what an arrogant twat!

Of course it will hurt op, you're a nice person who cares about people, you're bound to have a mix of emotions, but you ARE doing the right thing. Imagine the peace and quote you'll have, money to yourself, no more riding up after a lazy man child, no more supporting a grown man, a tidy house - it'll be bliss

Hoppinggreen · 24/04/2023 08:24

You got him boxes and shit got real 😂
He thought you were bluffing and now he’s worried he won’t find another woman to sponge off.
Stay strong OP

Devilrocknroller · 24/04/2023 08:28

He said that because he wants to scare you into thinking he’ll leave so you don’t hold him accountable for being lazy again. But he’s not expecting you’ll want him to leave and he wants it to be your fault and for you to apologise so he can stay home, be lazy and not have his wife question his behaviour through fear he might leave - you’re well and truly better off rid of him. Tell him there’s no need to talk, he’s leaving and give him a good old shock and hope
the door hits him on the arse on the way out

Joeylove88 · 24/04/2023 08:31

Just so I'm getting this straight...your husband randomly decided to quit his job with no other job lined up, then let's you carry on working and even take on overtime to support both of you while he just sits all day being a complete lazy slob doing nothing to contribute at all, leaving you exhausted all the time, but expects you be happy and grateful to have him so thinks that it's YOU who needs to change!! What a joke this guy is. There's nothing more attractive than a man who works and does his fairshare of housework and cooking. It seems that you have a selfish man child who wants the easy life while you work yourself into the ground and continue to make his life easier. I'm with others I wouldn't want sex with someone like that let alone carrying on a relationship. He needs a huge reality check and hopefully that's what you are about to give him. You deserve better you sound way too good for him. Good luck with everything!

Quartz2208 · 24/04/2023 08:34

He liked how it was and wants you to back down.

you aren’t happy so tell him to go

Swipe left for the next trending thread