Page 7 | Cheating or coincidence?!?

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 2023-04-23T22:22:36+00:00

So a couple of weeks ago, my husband suddenly starts a health kick. Wants to start eating more protein, press ups in the living room. I ask him what's brought this on and he says he wants to look better for me. I notice also his sex drive suddenly increases. We joke and I say something like "if I posted this online on mn or some advice page everyone would be convinced you are having an affair" we laugh. I have no worries. Anyway, fast forward to now when he's mentioned it stings when he pees and he's got these ulcers on his penis. We have an appointment for tomorrow at a clinic. Can this be a coincidence? Surely not? Sahm with baby so my life would very much implode

Deathbyfluffy · 18/04/2024 01:59

Aikko · 24/04/2023 08:36

The sudden need to be more active and lose weight could be him trying to to impress someone he likes at work or elsewhere, dare I say it - someone younger, and it's recently developed in to something more.

Let your imagination run wild.
Who knows.

Or it could be just him trying to look after himself a bit more for, well, himself.

How would all the women posters on here calling him a cheat like it if your partner / husbands started accusing you of all sorts just because you started working out or taking a bit more care of your appearance?

No doubt you’d come here bleating that your partner was being controlling etc etc.

The classic MN hypocrisy continues 😅

TwoUnderTwitTwoo · 18/04/2024 02:01

I am so sorry that you are going through this OP.

I am furious that he has no qualms about lying and putting the health of his wife and mother of his children in such danger. I am so furious.

You say that you are not sure you can tear your family apart for this, but YOU are not to blame for any of it. He is the one that repeatedly cheated, he is the one who repeatedly lied even when given the opportunity to come clean, and he is the one who was out putting the health of his children’s mother at risk when he should have been at home with her and his family. Disgusting. You do not deserve any of this.

You must be feeling so vulnerable and frightened, but if you decide to leave your marriage then it is 100% on him. You deserve peace and safety in your home and your children need that too. Your husband has shattered that.

Others will be along shortly about getting your ducks in a row, finances, etc. Do you own your house or mortgage or rent? Do you know where all your (yours AND your husbands) savings, pensions and investments are and how much they are worth? Start making copies of all of them now. Do you work?

Do you have any trusted family or friends nearby? Can anyone (incl nursery or childminder or babysitter) look after your children tomorrow or asap while you check your finances, speak to a solicitor and/or just have some time to get your head together?

commonsense12 · 18/04/2024 03:28

indieray · 23/04/2023 23:58

Body language and eyes tell it all. You look him dead straight in the eyes ' have you cheated on me , can you swear on your child's life you haven't cheated ?'
Low blow I know but any uncomfortable person whose lying will look anywhere else but u. Touch their face/hair /chest /phone/keys whilst telling you they're answer. Will try and cross their fingers without you noticing whilst swearing on ...life. If they keep on trying to justify their answer or keep going over their responses getting huffy & frustrated they are LYING.
I'm a psychologist and see it every day. Just be fully aware take your time over a few days if needed to get answers. Trust your gut.

Anybody reading do not listen to this. There may be correlations with questions and body language responses. The truth is, everyone is different. If it was so reliable they would use it as evidence in court. But they dont.

Aussieland · 18/04/2024 04:22

Deathbyfluffy · 18/04/2024 01:59

Or it could be just him trying to look after himself a bit more for, well, himself.

How would all the women posters on here calling him a cheat like it if your partner / husbands started accusing you of all sorts just because you started working out or taking a bit more care of your appearance?

No doubt you’d come here bleating that your partner was being controlling etc etc.

The classic MN hypocrisy continues 😅

Show quote history

Well I mean if I came home with my first dose of herpes at the same time I would assume questions would be asked yes

Original poster

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 18/04/2024 08:27

IceCreamWoes · 17/04/2024 22:42

So has anything else happened in the last year?

Not at all, apart from this I have had zero concerns. Maybe the herpes incident spooked him

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 18/04/2024 08:30

TwoUnderTwitTwoo · 18/04/2024 02:01

I am so sorry that you are going through this OP.

I am furious that he has no qualms about lying and putting the health of his wife and mother of his children in such danger. I am so furious.

You say that you are not sure you can tear your family apart for this, but YOU are not to blame for any of it. He is the one that repeatedly cheated, he is the one who repeatedly lied even when given the opportunity to come clean, and he is the one who was out putting the health of his children’s mother at risk when he should have been at home with her and his family. Disgusting. You do not deserve any of this.

You must be feeling so vulnerable and frightened, but if you decide to leave your marriage then it is 100% on him. You deserve peace and safety in your home and your children need that too. Your husband has shattered that.

Others will be along shortly about getting your ducks in a row, finances, etc. Do you own your house or mortgage or rent? Do you know where all your (yours AND your husbands) savings, pensions and investments are and how much they are worth? Start making copies of all of them now. Do you work?

Do you have any trusted family or friends nearby? Can anyone (incl nursery or childminder or babysitter) look after your children tomorrow or asap while you check your finances, speak to a solicitor and/or just have some time to get your head together?

My issue is I (as of this very moment) have no real evidence of anything. What if I’m blowing our lives up for nothing?

I do work, no family nearby though but I’d survive on my wage if I needed to.

He is the worlds kindest, sweetest and most considerate man otherwise, it feels like this can’t really be happening? I’m desperately trying to look for another explanation

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 18/04/2024 08:33

JanglingJack · 18/04/2024 00:50

I understand that if people are cheating they leave themselves exposed to an STI.

How is though, that unless they're shagging multiple people unprotected that these husbands manage to get instantly infected by sleeping with one woman, who presumably isn't the town bike worth risking a marriage for.

Very good point, IF it is 2 sti’s, what are the chances it’s one person/one encounter? That’s a hell of a lot of bad luck

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 18/04/2024 08:34

TwoUnderTwitTwoo · 18/04/2024 02:01

I am so sorry that you are going through this OP.

I am furious that he has no qualms about lying and putting the health of his wife and mother of his children in such danger. I am so furious.

You say that you are not sure you can tear your family apart for this, but YOU are not to blame for any of it. He is the one that repeatedly cheated, he is the one who repeatedly lied even when given the opportunity to come clean, and he is the one who was out putting the health of his children’s mother at risk when he should have been at home with her and his family. Disgusting. You do not deserve any of this.

You must be feeling so vulnerable and frightened, but if you decide to leave your marriage then it is 100% on him. You deserve peace and safety in your home and your children need that too. Your husband has shattered that.

Others will be along shortly about getting your ducks in a row, finances, etc. Do you own your house or mortgage or rent? Do you know where all your (yours AND your husbands) savings, pensions and investments are and how much they are worth? Start making copies of all of them now. Do you work?

Do you have any trusted family or friends nearby? Can anyone (incl nursery or childminder or babysitter) look after your children tomorrow or asap while you check your finances, speak to a solicitor and/or just have some time to get your head together?

Also, we rent so that’s fine, savings we both have half each so not too much of an issue there

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 18/04/2024 08:36

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/04/2024 23:11

I have to say I wouldn't have believed him the last time. Maybe herpes can lie dormant for an awful long time but everyone I know who's had it has been able to link it to a specific sexual event.

And now this. I wish you had got tested a year ago. I really hope you are okay 💐

He kind of mentioned he vaguely remembers something popping up when he was with his ex maybe 8 years ago but has had nothing since so didn’t think much of it. Not sure how true that is

OP posts:

ScottishShortie · 18/04/2024 10:14

I had an outbreak of HPV in 2021. We were in Covid lockdown and DH had been nowhere to do anything. I then accidentally gave it to him as I had been asymptomatic before the sores appeared. He then got sores. I def hadn’t cheated and neither had he. I can’t recall clearly having it previously but have a vague memory I may have in my 20s. The nurse said it can lay dormant for years then pop up if you’re run down. I was very run down at the time. Try not to jump to the worst conclusions he sounds like a lovely man. But also, don’t be complacent. If it’s a different STI this time then questions need to be asked. Hope it works out ok for you xx

startingagain202 · 18/04/2024 10:33

It's less the STIs and more the deleting of call log that would make me concerned.
Does he still delete evidence on his phone?

Muffintopper · 18/04/2024 13:38

Oh OP Good luck!

WalkingaroundJardine · 18/04/2024 19:06

Those are nasty STIs. Glad you are getting yourself checked out.

Freesia9 · 18/04/2024 20:21

Sorry you're going through this.
Deleted call log and then negative and then positive, now this? 🙈
The first episode of herpes is usually soon after infection. Subsequently can lie dormant for years.

Iaskedyouthrice · 18/04/2024 20:32

Hes a cheater OP. He cheated last time and still is by the sounds of it. If you want this marriage to continue then you need to tell him to be discreet, wear protection and keep your head down. He will be risking pregnancy too. Go for very regular testing yourself.
I have no idea why you are so willing to believe his lies but I am not you. You need to ignore his indiscretions if you stay with him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/04/2024 15:10

He kind of mentioned he vaguely remembers something popping up when he was with his ex maybe 8 years ago but has had nothing since so didn’t think much of it. Not sure how true that is

I have three or four friends who have had herpes and they have said the first incident was by far the worst.

Original poster

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 19/04/2024 19:32

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/04/2024 15:10

He kind of mentioned he vaguely remembers something popping up when he was with his ex maybe 8 years ago but has had nothing since so didn’t think much of it. Not sure how true that is

I have three or four friends who have had herpes and they have said the first incident was by far the worst.

That’s what I thought. The one last year was very bad, unsure how he managed to brush over it if it were anything like that.

OP posts:

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/04/2024 20:04

Sittwritt · 23/04/2023 23:34

Well your life does not have to implode.

High chances he’s been having a fling. Very high. But it’s all about what happens next. MN will tell you to self combust and pack his belongings in bin liners and lock him out once it’s all out in the open. But it’s very much about whether he owns up, is truthful from that point in, highly remorseful and wants his family so badly. MN will tell you that once a cheater always a cheater. LTB etc etc. and if he was thinking of his family he would not have been sticking his d in another woman.

Perhaps the ulcers are his endearing way of being ready to come out to you. Perhaps he does not want a double life anymore. Perhaps he’s ready to face the music.

You can test him out with this but you have to hold yr nerve. Just say, I think it’s about time that you stopped pretending and told me the full truth, because as it is, there is more to this than you are letting on. Then silence from you. Long silence. You will hear him talk. If he denies it, keep quiet and just watch and observe. If he totally does not start to stumble perhaps walk away a little and say you are not prepared to spend your life with a liar. Games up.

Anyhow, should you LTB then prepare yourself for the real world of OLD with a shocking choice of just about the same talent as yr current hubby.

My advice is to work out who the help he is and then work out whether you can work with that.

I agree your life doesn't have to implode.

This👆 is a depressing way of putting it though.

It doesn't mean you have to put up with this man over the cesspit that is old. You never know what's around the corner.