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Original poster

Cheating or coincidence?!?

168 replies

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 23/04/2023 23:22

So a couple of weeks ago, my husband suddenly starts a health kick. Wants to start eating more protein, press ups in the living room. I ask him what's brought this on and he says he wants to look better for me. I notice also his sex drive suddenly increases. We joke and I say something like "if I posted this online on mn or some advice page everyone would be convinced you are having an affair" we laugh. I have no worries.

Anyway, fast forward to now when he's mentioned it stings when he pees and he's got these ulcers on his penis. We have an appointment for tomorrow at a clinic.

Can this be a coincidence? Surely not? Sahm with baby so my life would very much implode

OP posts:
3ofus3 · 24/04/2023 06:31

Good luck x

Hawkins003 · 24/04/2023 06:43

All the best op @TheyAreMyBhunasPete

Sittwritt · 24/04/2023 06:53

Yes if sex drive has increased and you sexed once then this a spoof wasting everyone’s time

Eggseggseverywhere · 24/04/2023 07:18

Even that one time you had sex could see you pick up an sti op.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/04/2023 07:18

The only thing that would stop me thinking about an affair is the fact that he told you about the ulcerated penis. But like the others, I can't understand about the unlimited sex drive and the fact you've only had sex once since the baby was born.

Hiddenvoice · 24/04/2023 07:33

The only thing letting me believe he isn’t cheating is the fact he’s been honest about it instead of going to the clinic himself and hiding it.

Herpes can lie dormant in your system for years and then pop out at the strangest of times, especially if he’s started changing his diet and exercising.

Tmi here but my friend woke up one day with what looked like ulcers and spots ‘down there’. She panicked and told her dh who wasn’t concerned. She kept saying she hadn’t cheated as she was aware it looked that way and he believed her. Phone consultation with dr had suggested that her husband was the cheat. After a whole very emotional day, it turned out it was psoriasis.

Original poster
TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 07:52

Sittwritt · 24/04/2023 06:53

Yes if sex drive has increased and you sexed once then this a spoof wasting everyone’s time

Actual intercourse once as I have a bit of a mental block with anything going inside me since birth 🙃 other stuff is fair game, h3nce not worried about sti'a

OP posts:
Original poster
TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 07:56

Zanatdy · 24/04/2023 06:12

herpes can lay dormant for years but it tends to then just be an odd sore and the worse attack is the first one. It seems odd he’s shared with you though if he has been cheating, as if you’re not having much sex it would have been easy for him to hide this from you i’m sure

Yes totally, Although we have been doing other things (just not full penetrative sex) so I probably would have noticed as he's obviously in discomfort at the moment. Fingers crossed its been dormant, guess I'll never know

OP posts:
Original poster
TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 07:58

Hiddenvoice · 24/04/2023 07:33

The only thing letting me believe he isn’t cheating is the fact he’s been honest about it instead of going to the clinic himself and hiding it.

Herpes can lie dormant in your system for years and then pop out at the strangest of times, especially if he’s started changing his diet and exercising.

Tmi here but my friend woke up one day with what looked like ulcers and spots ‘down there’. She panicked and told her dh who wasn’t concerned. She kept saying she hadn’t cheated as she was aware it looked that way and he believed her. Phone consultation with dr had suggested that her husband was the cheat. After a whole very emotional day, it turned out it was psoriasis.

He does have bad eczema, but this is different to normal. It's like actual open sores instead of a patchy rash

OP posts:
Original poster
TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 07:59

indieray · 23/04/2023 23:58

Body language and eyes tell it all. You look him dead straight in the eyes ' have you cheated on me , can you swear on your child's life you haven't cheated ?'
Low blow I know but any uncomfortable person whose lying will look anywhere else but u. Touch their face/hair /chest /phone/keys whilst telling you they're answer. Will try and cross their fingers without you noticing whilst swearing on ...life. If they keep on trying to justify their answer or keep going over their responses getting huffy & frustrated they are LYING.
I'm a psychologist and see it every day. Just be fully aware take your time over a few days if needed to get answers. Trust your gut.

He's looking me dead in the eye. No avoiding the subject, no deflection. No discomfort.

OP posts:
Wowzel · 24/04/2023 08:03

It sounds like herpes. Really common to have dormant infections, however, the first infection the sores are usually the worst and the most leaky/painful/stingy

Original poster
TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 08:06

Eggseggseverywhere · 24/04/2023 07:18

Even that one time you had sex could see you pick up an sti op.

Shit I have had some womb aches recently but Google told me phantom womb pains can be experienced by women pp before their periods restart....although the last time we had sex was maybe 3 months ago. Maybe I should get myself tested

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 24/04/2023 08:20

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 08:06

Shit I have had some womb aches recently but Google told me phantom womb pains can be experienced by women pp before their periods restart....although the last time we had sex was maybe 3 months ago. Maybe I should get myself tested

Show quote history

You won’t test positive for herpes unless there’s a current infection as they test the sores, but I’d get a test for other STI’s if I were you

Phoebo · 24/04/2023 08:32

Coincidence. Surely if he was cheating and has an STI he wouldn't be dumb enough to tell you

Aikko · 24/04/2023 08:36

The sudden need to be more active and lose weight could be him trying to to impress someone he likes at work or elsewhere, dare I say it - someone younger, and it's recently developed in to something more.

Let your imagination run wild.
Who knows.

Original poster
TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 24/04/2023 08:39

Aikko · 24/04/2023 08:36

The sudden need to be more active and lose weight could be him trying to to impress someone he likes at work or elsewhere, dare I say it - someone younger, and it's recently developed in to something more.

Let your imagination run wild.
Who knows.

Well he is in a profession known for affairs so who knows!

OP posts:
tonyele · 24/04/2023 08:49

Lupus, Balanitis, Behchet's, Penile Cancer - there are just 4 of the many non STI causes of ulcers on the little fella, lets not condemn the guy as a cheat, he would be well advised to get it checked by the Dr in any case.

AP5Diva · 24/04/2023 08:56

“The only thing letting me believe he isn’t cheating is the fact he’s been honest about it instead of going to the clinic himself and hiding it.

Herpes can lie dormant in your system for years and then pop out at the strangest of times, especially if he’s started changing his diet and exercising. “

Yeah that was my thought too. In my experience; a cheater will hide it, get it treated and then if they’d happened to infect you in the interim, accuse you of cheating and flounce off to tell all their friends and then make a big show about forgiving you.

tonyele · 24/04/2023 09:02

Absolutely, genital Herpes is a direct relative of the Herpes virus that results in cold sores, its parasitic and can lie dormant for years, quite possible a lifestyle change (like a diet, or stress) could result in it triggering.

He could have picked it up in his youth, quite innocently. For chaps the herpes virus is just a harmless parasite and rarely causes any issues other than a bit of discomfort, for women it can be dangerous if pregnant.

Offthexmaslist · 24/04/2023 12:02

Bloody hell MN is becoming even more paranoid and batshit than before.. if that were possible.

How the hell do you go from husband wanting to go on a fitness kick.. to ulcers on his penis . 'Almost certainly meaning he is having an affair ???

ALL OF WHICH ARE DISCUSSED OPENLY WITH HIS WIFE.. !!

Is it not remotely possible, that this is a man who wanted to get fitter but who is also suffering a herpes flare ?

What world do you all live in where the default belief of all men is that they are more likely to cheat than not !

I know I am old but I can honestly say that in my 60+ years. I know far far more long married faithful pulled than men who cheat .

QueefQueen80s · 24/04/2023 15:14

I think he wouldn't be so open about it if he was cheating.

Sittwritt · 24/04/2023 15:35

Love this 💕

Is it not remotely possible, that this is a man who wanted to get fitter but who is also suffering a herpes flare ?

Skybluepinky · 24/04/2023 16:05

Sounds like u r living on false hope, his sex drive has gone up but u have only had sex once since child has been born.
Then u have sores on penis.

pontipinemum · 24/04/2023 16:10

How did he get on? Loosing weight/ exercising is not a sign someone is cheating. I've started a diet today. I'd like to lose about 10lbs. I have no intentions what so ever of cheating on DH

Thisisworsethananticpated · 24/04/2023 16:57

A doctor should be able to tell if it’s something like dormant herpes (from years ago) or a new infection

no they can’t . A herpes sore is just that
they can’t be aged !