Mum can't afford to live

[Theamofm]

My mum and dad split 3 years ago. Before mum had a great lifestyle and had no money worries. Dad covered it. Mum worked but was only pocket money really. Mum now lives alone and works long hours and a lot of travelling. She's early 60s and it's tiring her out. She's that tired at weekends she's not going out to meet anyone, and not only that she can't really afford it. She earns enough to survive basically. Tried universal credit and she can't get it. What help is out there? We could assist a bit if it was desperate but we dont have an endless pot that could go on forever. How do other people cope? What happens when she has to stop working? It really worries me. Thanks,

It always amazes me how people can say something didn't exist, just because they didn't experience it.

I’m so glad I read this thread. I came to relationships to post looking for help as I need to leave my financially abusive coercive controlling husband who has screwed me over. Now I know it’s all my fault and I’ll get a pile on so not to bother looking for help here.

Are you hearing your self right now shes in her 60s she is old her body aint as young as it used to be. Whos going to work more hours then they already are just to stick their body in a grave? They should reduce in the increases and make things affordable instead of making it too hard to live for others and not even increasing our work pay! I work 37.5 hours a week and just get by! Am i going to increase my hours to pay more tax no i am not. I am not going to destroy my body and forget my kids to work more hours that i will get taxed more on.

I’m sorry, but all I’m trying to say is women need to be financially independent enough to pay mortgage and bills on her own. So many men leave their wives, look at the relationship board then she struggles while he has a good salary and pension. Very wealthy men have the ability to hide their assets.

I come from a working class immigrant family, my parents worked really hard and we had money issues due to poor education/salary.

This and they drummed it into me to be very financially independent in case the worst happens.

It doesn’t even have to be leaving: what if dies or gets ill, then what? Cost of living crisis too?

They’re improving and lowing childcare age, to help women stay in work. Also, wfh (recent I know) helps so much.

So you are saying your sorry but I made shit decisions. You know nothing about my life, or OP mother life but you want to kick people. Bully for you you had parents who taught you, I didn’t, I ran to the first person who showed me love in my life.
What your last sentence has to do with anyone who has found themselves in this situation don’t know.

I was in bed so not looking at my account!
I know after I have paid everything I have about £50 a month left for emergencies/unaccounted for expenses/clothes/treats/extra fuel

Which again sounds a lot but if I go over my food shop by £10 a week...

Did you miss the part where I said my parents made shit financial decisions? They literally told me and my sister not to replicate their behaviour?

Give context then, you can’t come on a forum - make comments then get upset because “I know nothing”. You haven’t given context.

I’ve seen women struggle growing up, that’s made me even more determined to be financially independent.

It’s not judgemental to point this out.

Wfh helps with drop off and pick ups from school (my colleagues even men do this). Gone are the days, where that’s a “woman’s job”.

What you can do now is ensure your children don’t follow in your footsteps and make poor financial decisions. I am drumming this into my dd (she’s not even primary school yet!)

Robin I'm sorry about your situation but MN is very supportive towards woman leaving abusive husbands. Please do not feel driven away.
I appreciate you'll be feeling quite trapped and vulnerable, but PP are not talking about you.
They are talking about society in general. Because every time there is a post about being SAHM on MN, so many women happily encourage other women to give up work and berate those who continue for putting their children in childcare.
Tell them that you only get one life, so just 'stay in a small part-time job'.
It is not your fault at all for having an abusive husband. But once you leave, with the help you get have the strength and motivation to leave.
In fact, maybe if society at large tells our women never to rely on a man even people like you who had 'nobody to tell you' wouldn't have been trapped. Because it's a general societal expectation, not for the few who have elders with their eyes open.
Good luck and god speed.

Ah so despite your previous posts even you too have your stipulations about what you will and won't do - much like other people then.

@Babooshka1992 I don't doubt it- but if you have health conditions kick in it's not always easy even if WFH- my experience is your mind isn't 100% on the job if you really are under the weather some of the time. Same applies to men too.

My nobody to tell me comment was in reply to pp. I know it’s my fault. I’m leaving here now, not the place for anybody needing help and support.

Yeah I made that clear in my original post? I said wfh helps do drop off and pick ups which means women can work full time, that’s the benefit of wfh?

TBH you have repeated your story over and over again in quite a strident way and I think people have heard it by now. The tone of your repetitive posts have already made one poster run.

Okay fine, I’ll stop commenting. Message heard loud and clear.

What I am saying is that people do what they can in their situation but what you have now said is only showing that you too have your personal stipulations/limitations. You have the support for wfh - not everyone does. It's suggesting that you would not work if you had to go to the office FT which shows that everyone has limitations on what they can do despite what you say in your posts.

Yes we did hear it!

That’s not what I meant, I meant if I had to go office full time I’d do that and pay for childcare. What else can I do? The benefit of wfh has helped me so I can do drop off and pick ups, and work full time. You’re misreading what I’m saying. But, I’m done.

I meant I got the message loud and clear, but ok goodbye.

I don't know why people are nit picking at the op - anonymous. I cannot see that she has said anything difficult to understand or unreasonable. It's a sad day if we cannot chew things over on a forum like this. I will make sure I never do!

Don't go, anonymous. It can be good on here.

Thank you! I just meant from the thread :)

Oh please, we're not talking about Victorian washerwomen or whatever, but the last 50 or so years when both partners were at work because one salary won't pay the mortgage. We were pretty much all commuters until recently.
I've worked in offices for 40 odd years and until fairly recently the technology for WFH just wasn't there. It's not as though we were all traveling for two hours a day for the fun of it

why is your back going up for? I was suggesting options as shes in her 60’s darling. I work for my money and i bloody work hard but don’t get paid enough for my job and get taxed and i pay my taxes! 37.5 hrs a week working for the nhs.

Mama32130 · Yesterday 18:39

She can reduce her hours to be able to get more help off the government

Honestly, how naive can people be? So the benefits office will say 'Yes, that's fine, reduce your hours voluntarily and we'll give you more money.' Er no, I don't think so..... The clue's in the word 'voluntarily': unless you have a cast-iron reason for having to stop work, it's your own choice. They don't fund people's poor lifestyle decisions.