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Original poster

Mum can't afford to live

335 replies

Theamofm · 20/04/2023 20:56

My mum and dad split 3 years ago. Before mum had a great lifestyle and had no money worries. Dad covered it. Mum worked but was only pocket money really. Mum now lives alone and works long hours and a lot of travelling. She's early 60s and it's tiring her out. She's that tired at weekends she's not going out to meet anyone, and not only that she can't really afford it. She earns enough to survive basically. Tried universal credit and she can't get it. What help is out there? We could assist a bit if it was desperate but we dont have an endless pot that could go on forever. How do other people cope? What happens when she has to stop working? It really worries me. Thanks,

OP posts:
isthewashingdryyet · 20/04/2023 21:58

Eudaimonia5 · 20/04/2023 21:52

If she's working full time and her rent is only £300 per month, what is she spending her money on? Does she have a car on finance? Debts? With her rent so low, even if she was on minimum wage, she should have enough left over to cover bills and food.

This. Do a budget with her. Money must be leaking away somewhere

waterSpider · 20/04/2023 22:00

A full state pension is about double universal credit, so may get better in a few years.
Any health issues that might lead to disability benefits?

Babyroobs · 20/04/2023 22:05

waterSpider · 20/04/2023 22:00

A full state pension is about double universal credit, so may get better in a few years.
Any health issues that might lead to disability benefits?

But she doesn't get UC , she works full time. State pension is likely to be a lot less than full time wages ! She would likely be able to claim some housing benefit at retirement if only getting state pension though.

isthewashingdryyet · 20/04/2023 22:05

And just check she has all her NI contributions and will actually get a full state pension. If not, she needs to get the last few years paid up as soon as possible.

this is real lesson in never be dependent on a man, and always be financially independent and keep your NI up to date

Greensleevevssnotnose · 20/04/2023 22:08

Babyroobs · 20/04/2023 21:49

This likely wouldn't work as you can't just go part time and claim benefits unless you have a medical reason to. It used to be that older people could work 16 hours after the age of 60 and claim working tax credits but that changed and now it is UC, she would be expected to work and earn 35 x nmw like a younger single person would.

Show quote history

Thanks for the explanation I didn't know

RedRosie · 20/04/2023 22:11

Sorry to hear this. My parents are much older (80s, so can't work) and quite poor. They live in a HA property, for which I'm grateful. They get pension credit and have tiny savings but are very proud so won't accept direct monetary help from me. I do surprise online shops for them and "treats" like M&S/Sainsbury's vouchers and meals out, which they will accept but I can afford this. I get upset when people snipe at well off pensioners... So many worked all their lives and aren't well off.

Your mum is still working, so as PPs have said, are you able to sit down and do a detailed budget with her? When she stops working at retirement age, she will be entitled to some help. But I know it's hard to think of them struggling.

Porkandbeans1 · 20/04/2023 22:26

isthewashingdryyet · 20/04/2023 22:05

And just check she has all her NI contributions and will actually get a full state pension. If not, she needs to get the last few years paid up as soon as possible.

this is real lesson in never be dependent on a man, and always be financially independent and keep your NI up to date

I can't agree more. She may not even get a full state pension so this should be a priority.

ReplGirl · 20/04/2023 22:31

If she can't get UC or other benefits (there are more knowledgeable people here than me!) can she get a job that doesn't need so much travelling? WFH maybe?
Age discrimination is real, but with people working long and longer this is starting to shift.
Could a career coach be of some help?

Viviennemary · 20/04/2023 22:36

Benefits for single people are not very generous compared to that of families. But if she works full time it should be enough to cover a modest lifestyle. Does she own her own home.

SoShallINever · 20/04/2023 22:57

Hmm I'm not far off your mums age and honestly I'm shocked that she has put you in this position. I'd be mortified if my hedonism meant that my DC had to worry about my financial situation in my old age.
Does she have things she can sell?

EmmaEmerald · 20/04/2023 22:58

I think the main thing is to do a budget. Is that £300 her total accommodation cost? It's low, so there should be a decent amount left.

Florenz · 20/04/2023 22:59

There are a lot of people I know who spend all their money on holidays, fancy TVs, takeaways and going out drinking. They earn around the same as me. I think people just expect the government to provide a good living for them when they get old. But they don't, even now, and it'll be even less in 20-30 years when we're OAPs.

Mumwithbaggage · 20/04/2023 23:01

If your mum has no health issues, it's the way it goes. I'm 59 and a full time teacher. Don't feel ready to retire and yes, I loathe waking up at 6am but it's not due to my age, it's just a crap time to get up to go to work.

Can't imagine asking my kids to support me. DH is 62 nd works ft too.

Trez1510 · 20/04/2023 23:02

It's a horrible situation being both exhausted by work and struggling for money.

I'd focus on reducing the exhaustion first - job closer to home, home closer to job etc.

As pps have said, benefits for single people are, literally, subsistence level unless they have children and/or disability issues.

Others have already suggested helping her with her budget, it may be she has some debts that could be negotiated via a debt help agency e.g. StepChange or similar? Or she's being totally ripped-off on mobile contracts, entertainment packages, insurances etc. etc.

I hope you can find some practical way to help her enjoy her life more.

Schnooze · 20/04/2023 23:08

Agree that full time minimum wages should cover such low housing costs and the general basics. Is she paying off debt?

ThreeLocusts · 20/04/2023 23:08

drpet49 · 20/04/2023 21:49

“Live for now people”. And look where it got her.

Show quote history

You sound a charmer, drpet.

OP as others said, if her rent is only 300 a month and she works ft, it's odd if she is so skint. Does she have a bad deal on energy? Expensive telecoms? Time to examine all outgoings.

Then again if the main problem is exhaustion, can she find less exhausting work? And though she is bound to get fobbed off at first, the exhaustion merits investigation. How much of it is in the mind?

It's hard to see parents struggling. I hope you find a way to make things better

berksandbeyond · 20/04/2023 23:09

“How do other people cope?“

by not being financially irresponsible all of their working lives? No pensions, no savings but she worked for ‘pocket money’ only. Incredibly daft. Why should she receive benefits to support her now when she made that choice?

NotHangingAround · 20/04/2023 23:11

Shared ownership is a terrible choice at her age. She will either have sunk her entire savings into her own share or be paying a mortgage as well as rental on the share she doesn't own. Retirement flats are usually much cheaper. Could she sell up and look into moving into one of those, maybe closer to her work?

Also, if she's not used to working FT - it is very tiring at first until you get used to it. She might not be making so much effort to eat healthily if she's just cooking for one, or out and about travelling for work during the day. Maybe encourage her to try Vit D spray and Feroglobin iron supplements to see if they make a difference, or a multi vitamin like Berrocca

OldFan · 20/04/2023 23:12

I think a lot of people find the last few years of working very exhausting. And that was before the pension age went up.

She 'just' has to stagger through the next few years.

Maybe she could take some sick leave?

arethereanyleftatall · 20/04/2023 23:12

I'm echoing the 'what is she spending her money on' posters.

Working full time in a job which involves travelling, so reasonable job?

Too exhausted for hobbies and no dependents.

£300 only for rent.

She must have at least £1000 per month left?

NotHangingAround · 20/04/2023 23:13

Another thing worth checking is whether her NI and tax status are correct with her new employer. She may be being emergency taxed without realising if she's not properly worked before.

BadNomad · 20/04/2023 23:14

Is she still living like her wage is pocket money?

OldFan · 20/04/2023 23:16

I'd be mortified if my hedonism meant that my DC had to worry about my financial situation in my old age.

@SoShallINever I imagine she wasn't expecting her husband to leave her in her late 50s/early 60s...

Ofcourseshecan · 20/04/2023 23:20

berksandbeyond · 20/04/2023 23:09

“How do other people cope?“

by not being financially irresponsible all of their working lives? No pensions, no savings but she worked for ‘pocket money’ only. Incredibly daft. Why should she receive benefits to support her now when she made that choice?

So kind of you to offer useful advice, but sadly she hasn’t got a Time Machine.

OP, I back what others have said about getting the tiredness investigated by her GP. Also, there are organisations that will help with budgeting.

Best of luck. At least she has a loving daughter so she’s not alone.

LadyLapsang · 20/04/2023 23:33

I don’t want to worry you, but has she checked her state pension? Is she on track for 35 years contributions or credits?