MIL, DH and DS - am I being stitched up.

[huggymummy]

DH and I not getting on - getting to critical point.

I still agreed to fly out to his country for 5 days at Easter to see FIL who apparently is dying. I say apparently because he's being 'dying' for the last 5 years and dh hasn't spoken to him for years.

The deal was also to bring back mil. How4ever we had a massive argument when I tried to book the tickets wed as the prices had gone up and I made the HUGE mistake of asking when mil would return to her country so I could book the return portion of the ticket (she's a nightmare). He went nuts - nasty - admitted the relationship was over - called me insane etc.

TODAY - very nicely he's pleading that the reason for wednesday's outrage was that he felt sorry for FIL and 5 days not enough and aked that we fly over. I fly back ALONE after 5 days leaving 21 month old ds with them for one more week to make fil happy. And then ds, dh and mil fly back a week later.

What do I do. Perhaps fil really is seriously ill this time. I feel trapped. I want to call his relatives to find out (as dh still hasn't called his father). Mil is behind this (she and fil estranged so why would she care). Will they really fly back. Is it appropriate to leave a 21 month baby abroad without ME. I don;'t think so! My parents are going nuts about this.
IS THIS NORMAL!

I just can't beleive that at this moment he is still prioritising mil over everything.

WHAT DO I DO..

Call me paranoid and apologies for any possible offence but I am thinking they are trying to keep your child with them in this other country.

Don't go if possible. Definitely don't consider flying back without ds under any circumstances.

i would not be happy about it either

i would refuse to go and hide DSs passport

if your relationship with your DH is over, and he thinks you are insane, then alarm bells would be ringing

Come back a week earlier but bring your ds with you. 5 days is enough for them to see him over there, and mil will be seeing him when she gets back anyway.

What "other country" is this?

No it is not appropriate to leave a 21 month old baby alone in a foreign country with relatives hostile to his mother.

Don't go. Tell him that as he so accurately remarked, the relationship is over so there's no need for you to go and see his dying father.

Sorry if that sounds heartless, but in this situation you simply can't afford to take any risks.

Since MIL and FIL are estranged this scenario is very suspicious. I really wouldn't let your child go out of the country in these circumstances.

TBH I wouldn't go at all, and I wouldn't let my dh take my child with him. If he feels the relationship is over can you be sure that he would bring your ds back?

Is it the type of country that would give you care of your ds if it came to a crunch (for eg in Germany the courts will almost always give sole charge of the child to the German parent).

If you do go, then I think you should bring ds home with you when you leave.

Yes good advice to hide the passport.

What we are all trying to say is it sounds like your husband and his family is trying to abduct your child from you.

And if you think you may be splitting up definitley keep your ds's passport about your person from now onwards. or hidden somewhere away from the house - like at work if that is possible, or with a member of your family.

I don't think this abduction. Not happy but would prefer - if possible - that ds and dh fly out a few days earlier - I join them and we all fly back but it wouldn't work in terms of my job.

Should I call his relatives or would that be like a red rag to a bull?

Why do you have to go?

I personally wouldnt leave my child their without you
be very careful

I would NOT go and neither would I allow DS...hide his passport (with a friend) and also his birth certificate do DH can not obtian a ne one. Tell him to see his father alone.

What country is it?

I'm wondering if he might be hoping to claim in court that you abandoned your ds by asking you to fly back without him. You would have no way to prove that you flew back early at his request.

It's all very suspicious, especially the anger followed by being extra nice to make you fall in with his plans.

agree with everyone esp. Lulu - hide that passport NOW somewhere dh won't find it. And do not go and do not allow soon-to-be ex h to take ds. There are not infrequent cases of men absconding with their children and refusing to bring them back. IIRC mothers have found it impossible to get children back from Pakistan, for instance.

And see a solicitor re. divorce/legal separation and international issues.

which country?

the country you are going to is very important in an analysis of the potential risks of the situation

some countries do not recognise a mother's rights to have access to her child, let alone UK court-ordered custody

so which country?

this site might help

huggymummy, I have to be brutally honest with you. I think you'd be absolutely CRAZY to leave your 21 month old with a hostile husband and in laws in a foreign country. I wouldn't even go in the first place.

no, ignore that link .. was the wrong one .. hang on a tic

is the country one of the ones signed up to the Hague Convention .. that is important in your decision

To date, 69 states, including the UK have either or both the Hague and/or European Conventions including: Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Belgium, Belize, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Burkina Faso, Canada (most states), Chile, Colombia, Croatia, Cyprus (southern), Czech Republic, Denmark Ecuador, Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Honduras, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, Republic of Iceland, Israel, Italy, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Macao, Macedonia, Malta, Mauritius, Mexico, Monaco, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Panama, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovenia, Slovakia, South Africa, Spain, St.Kitts and Nevis, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, Turkmenistan, USA, Venezuela, Zimbabwe.

this link worth reading