When is the right time scale to move BF in when you already have children from previous relationship?

[Sugarandspicee]

Off the back of other current threads at the moment. Generally curious at what time scale is advised to have your partner move into your home with your children from previous relationship?

Mine has just moved in after 2 1/2 years. We knew him and his family a few years before we got together.

Me and my partner have been together four years and still haven't moved in with each other yet. In our eyes there's no rush really.

When the youngest has turned 16 (yes really)

3+ years? more in some circumstances - it depends on your children

In many cases, the honest answer is never

When they move out.

Not until the children are realistically able to move out and support themselves.

Honestly, when they're grown up and preferably left the family home, although if I ever left my husband I'd never share living quarters with another man again.

University age in mine and DP’s case. But we started dating when they were all teens so there will not be a long wait. I definitely think that 16+ is optimum.

If you’re going to move in a partner rather than wait, you need to be very sure of him and confident of a long future together. DCs don’t do well with a merry-go-round of “stepparents”.

When the children are so comfortable with him that having him that having him live elsewhere just seems silly.

When the kids move out.
Or possibly never.
Whichever happens first.

2 years in my case, DC was 9 at the time.

Depends on if you own your own home, age of kids etc etc

I won’t be moving a man in personally

When your children leave home.

Depends if you want your children to ever feel fully comfortable in their own home again. Speaking from experience.

I find mumsnet seem to be really on the extreme end with this. In reality most people I know wait about a year.l and if everyone gets on then it goes ahead.

Thanks for all the replies! Interested to know, the people who say never or until they are grown up. Are you single parents yourselves? I see all sides and to be honest completely on the fence. I'm in no rush to move in with my partner and will 100% make sure it's right for everyone before that decision is made so it would be atleast years down the line and I do understand why people think not until they are grown but it would also mean not really having a serious relationship for the best part of 13+ years and the children then don't get the experience of growing up with a reflection of a healthy/happy relationship to compare to and reference to in their own relationships later in life

OP !!! Are you new to MN ???

You have children. From a previous relationship. Therefore you may NEVER have another live-in relationship with another man or your children will be traumatised forever. There are absolutely NO successful blended families on the planet and all prospective male partners are presumed evil until proved otherwise (but can't prove anything because they should never move in. )

Get a grip. Climb in to your sack cloth and Ashes and beat yourself soundly with thistles for ever considering such a thought...

Btw I met DH and he moved in within six weeks of meeting 23 years ago... he has just walked my eldest down the aisle... but what do I know... I also stood on the alter steps last week and read a eulogy for my own step dad whilst clutching my (step)sisters hand. My mother having married him over 45 years ago... please bear in mind that people come to MN when they have a problem. For all of those there are ten fold who do not and live normal happy fulfilled, loved and loving lives with fabulous step parents. Mine gave me away, paid for my University accommodation and gave me the deposit for my first home. I truly hate the vilification of step parents on here. They are not some amorphous group of potential evil. Some are fucking wonderful and would have made our lives much less without them.

@Offthexmaslist
Well said. Completely agree.

5 years. DS had turned 18 and DP being around really benefits the youngest who is much younger and adores him. Her father isn't around much. All built up really slowly, he just stayed at weekends for most of the time until he moved in.

Therefore you may NEVER have another live-in relationship with another man or your children will be traumatised forever

its not about trauma in my mind, it’s about never really knowing another person and therefore not wanting them having access to my children behind closed doors when they’re bathing/sleeping etc. Stepdads are probably the most likely sexual abusers along with other relatives.

3 years and only if thd kids know him well and are happy with the situation.

@Secondbirthwhathappened
Now that is even harsher than normal.
Best to stay single probably.
Hope your views aren’t as a result of some unpleasant experience.

@Offthexmaslist really well said. How refreshing