Was Any one on here the OW?

[Mindovermatter247]

I always see a woman go nuts at the other women when obviously it takes 2 to tango and the men are defo not blameless, in fact sometime the Ow is a victim too, especially if they had no idea about man’s real or other life.
live always wanted to h3ar the experiences of the other woman…
did you know he was married/in a relationship? If so why did you continue affair?
how many didn’t know bloke had another life?
we always hear the males point of view, Hardly the point of view of the other person..

Spitting at each other over this is really silly.

Just kick him out and get on with your life.

@XelaM

Well, I didn't want to go but I HAD to go as the whole office went (we were as small team) and I was made to feel terrible for not wanting to go.

Oh right so you mean you didn't want to be on the receiving end of any judgement for not going?

So instead you went to prevent that and in doing so, met the widow of the man you'd had the affair with and no doubt offered your condolences.

While she didn't realise you'd been shagging him. Including while she was pregnant.

As I say, I hope she never finds out or her memory of that day will be even more horrible than it probably already is.

People fuck up, yes, but its extraordinary to defend attending the funeral of the man you'd been shagging behind his wife's back.

Especially when the reason was to do with saving face / keeping up appearances.

You didn't "HAVE" to go at all, you just didn't want people to think you were mean for not going so and obviously didn't want to tell them you'd had an affair with him. Going made life easier for you. So you did it.

I think suddenly having food poisoning or a family emergency that day would have been pretty easy way out (a way that didn't involve being present at the funeral of the man you were shagging, a funeral organised by his widow) tbh @XelaM but what's done is done.

I am classed as a young widow, husband died 10 yrs ago, l have lost track of how many married men have come on to me since then, some of them so called friends of husband.
I have never been tempted, l know most of their wives/ partners, but it really opened my eyes as to what opportunists most men are.
I know women who have been the OW and the ending is always the same, they end up really badly hurt and disappointed, full of regret, but you can't tell them. I tried advising a friend to stay away but she was just so flattered by the attention and got quite snarky so l stayed out of it. She learnt the hard way like most do.

Hmmm..🤨🙄

I've half read through this. As someone who has been cheated on, it not only destroyed my mental health it also destroyed my children's mental health, if you knowingly destroy other people's mental health (especially children) you are a bad person. And even if you come with "the wife didn't know" she knows!

@TheWristBoundLatexBitch there is so much ignorance on this thread and just the selfishness and entitlement oozing.

The betrayed is always one of two things, totally unaware and happily skipping along in their lives OR (possibly worse) just knows but is happy with the arrangement. Both these narratives suit APs, but the truth is most much worse.

You know something is up but can’t put your finger on it. You sense your partner is unhappy, you go to them and trip over yourself trying to cheer them up, the times I bought my exhusband gifts and presents during his affair to try and bring a smile to his face were excruciatingly painful on dday. Your partner is snappy and unkind to the children because they haven’t had their fix of dopamine that day. You start to question but are gas lit. These ‘great husbands’ who just need something more, label you as crazy, controlling, jealous. You back down as maybe you are that, you question yourself. You start to inwardly beat yourself up, what are you doing wrong. Then the hypervigilance starts, the anxiety attacks, the worry, why is he always on his phone, where does he go on those work trips, etc etc this is all before you find out. This was my experience, every bit, but I know it’s common for most.

The emotional, sexual and mental abuse starts when the affair starts not when we find out.

My mum told me that if her and my dad divorced she would never trust another man because she saw how opportunistic and blatant they were with cheating. My dad was always around yet she used to get the married male neighbours propositioning her, my dads friends, and even more blatant was her close female friends husbands. My mum could have said something easily as her female friends were close and used to confide in each other and spent time as couples as well.. but these men just had one thing in their minds with no thought to their lives being wrecked. How can getting your leg over be more important than that, how can it even come close.

@TheWristBoundLatexBitch

Could not agree more. As the grown up daughter of my dad who cheated on my mum, the period of "did he, didn't he" as well as all the betrayal, and even taking me along unknowingly for a day out with the OW as a child, had a massive impact on the mental health of myself and my sibling for many years.

The selfishness of these people is utterly breathtaking.

Yes, I was. It's been nearly 6 years since I last saw him and I still love him. I don't think I'll ever get over him, to be honest. Karma.

Is that because you can't quite believe he gave you the script and chose to remain with his wife?