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Original poster

porn and internet dating

144 replies

scaredwife · 14/02/2008 21:14

Have just found out that dh has been looking at porn for god knows how long. Ok that is one thing. What is worse is that there are internet dating sites on the files in his browsing history and some of them are recent. He denies this vehemently, saying that these porn sites cause these other sites to appear on the history. Obviously I am dubious - particularly as payment for one of them is on his credit card statement. He looked completely stunned when I asked him about it. I have to say, I would give him an oscar if he is lying. I don't know what to think tbh.

OP posts:
WiiMii · 14/02/2008 21:16

This reply has been deleted

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ara · 14/02/2008 21:25

that's awful what a shit. my dp did this too and he gave me exactly the same excuses - i know how rotten it is to find this out, my heart was going nineteen to the dozen when i realised what was happening and have never forgotten or forgiven him for it really.
No wonder he looked stunned - he must have been pretty confident you wouldn't have a clue what was going on. My dp 'didn't think he was doing any harm as it wasn't being unfaithful' -yeah not much, i said.

ara · 14/02/2008 21:28

i should add that we only got to that stage in the conversation after lots and lots of denials and excuses (it wasn't him, they were pop-ups, someone sent him a link, blah blah blah) but then i visited the site and found his advert before reading it out to him and picking it to bits. Nice.

ara · 14/02/2008 21:43

urgh this has just brought it all back to me and now i have to go to bed all cross and raging with him. hrmph.

Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 06:13

Thanks for your messages - am a regular by the way. I don't usually name change but then I don't usually find out my dh is up to this kind of thing. He reckons his card was fraudulently used by someone wanting to pay for that service How come they didn't use the card for a whole lot more then? He said he thinks it is as bad as being unfaithful so that's why he wouldn't do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 07:21

ara - how did you find his profile? Did you have to pay to join?

OP posts:
WiiMii · 15/02/2008 07:25

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 07:37

He admits to the porn but it's all free downloads etc. He is denying the internet dating (that is the payment I refer to). Thanks for your messages by the way. I feel shit. I agree - the deceit is worse.

OP posts:
WiiMii · 15/02/2008 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hecate · 15/02/2008 07:58

So you know that he has been looking at porn because it's on the history. Dating sites are also on the history but he claims they are just pop ups? Well, in history you can click on each site and it drops down each page on that site that has been viewed, so you can tell if he has been browsing the site, as opposed to it popping up and him closing it - iyswim. Except by now he's probably deleted the history. But it's worth knowing for the future.

And it just happens that his credit card has been fraudulantly used to pay for one of these sites that just happened to have popped up but which he didn't browse?

Seriously? Come off it!

mamasara82 · 15/02/2008 08:06

My dh done this and I HATE porn and he new this. Again he denied this. I went on the internet and on the search bar I put each letter of the alphabelt in one by one and this brought up every site he was on. I told him if he ever done it again I would leave.

Then I caught him again while I was pregnant and told him he has 1 more chance and that if he was on them again me and baby would be gone. Well he listened this time and has never gone on them again. Its been 2yrs now.

Hope you get it sorted.

zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 08:13

i'm pretty sure you can't accidentally register on a dating site

tho why he would pay to join one is a mystery

there are lots of free ones

and if his credit card had been used fraudulently surely he would have mentioned it to you

i am afraid he is not being totally straight with you

married men do go on dating websites...as someone who has used dating websites this is a hazard..there are also plenty of people on there for so called web cam fun and sex talk

Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 08:13

How can you tell if it was looked at or just a pop up?

No trust issues in the past really.

OP posts:
Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 08:15

I looked at the one he is supposed to have paid for but it isn't free - you have to join. Tbh this whole thing is an eye opener. I didn't realise there was so much FREE porn out there.

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zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 08:16

i don't know i have never tried looking for evidence like that

i would be guessing

Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 08:17

He didn't check his credit card statement - it was sometime last year. He didn't hide his statements either - kept them where they usually are.

OP posts:
zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 08:18

it is a dating site he has paid for is it?

Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 08:19

Yes

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zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 08:22

i would be a lot less worried about the porn than about the dating site..he would have to have a very good story to expalin that away and someone using his card unless someone in the house or at work has access doesn't ring true

sometimes people do use credit cards they obtain fraudlently to pay for small amounts of things to make sure it works...i have a website and i have had orders for this purpose

but the cards will then go on to be used for bigger frauds

it's very unlikely tho not impossible for it to be used once fraudulently

and if the site is in the history that makes it seem unlikely ion the extreme

mamasara82 · 15/02/2008 08:24

If his card was used fraudulently why was it only for that one transaction and why a dating site.

zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 08:27

as he has been looking at the porn sites i would tend to suspect that he also is responsible for joining the dating site...which one is it? have you looked at it to see what its like

Original poster
scaredwife · 15/02/2008 10:14

i googled the site and it seems there has been fraudlent activity before - other people have had money taken via paypal bank details. NOT SAYING i BELIEVE HIM THOUGH. Don't want to mention the site cos he will know it's me.

OP posts:
zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 10:20

well that sounds quite possible then..if rather strange if they don't go on toi use the card more er extensively

i would never trust paypapal myself too much fraud

OverMyDeadBody · 15/02/2008 10:26

He's lying. Of course it was him, and now he's scared of being found out.

cestlavie · 15/02/2008 10:34

Hmmmm, it does rather sound much more likely that he is lying, but the two caveats to that are:

(a) he left his credit card statement lying around (you'd have thought he'd have hidden at least that month's statement if he'd been doing something dodgy)

(b) those type of sites are notorious for fraud (especially if he's entered his card details as 'proof of age' without witlessly realising they'd just use them to rip him off)

Don't know enough about IT to know whether pop-ups register as part of internet history but I suspect they do. As another poster said, if these genuinely are pop-ups though you'd expect to see only one page per site.

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